


Through the Wall, Across the Gulf

by Anonymous



Category: Sword Art Online (Anime & Manga), ソードアート・オンライン - 川原礫 | Sword Art Online - Kawahara Reki
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Implied Sexual Content, Mental Health Issues, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pregnancy, Suicide Attempt, Teen Pregnancy, Unplanned Pregnancy, kyouji is in juvy for a while, the following are only in the prologue
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-25 05:42:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 43,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21930883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: She probably wouldn’t have slept with him had she known he’d have a mental breakdown only a few minutes later. But she didn’t know, and she did sleep with him, and now had to deal with the consequences. The worst part of it all was that she still truly loved Kyouji, who was currently incarcerated. Well, that fucking sucked.Afraid, with child, and presumably alone, Shino Asada learns to navigate her hectic life and discovers that sometimes it has good things to offer.
Relationships: Asada Shino | Sinon/Shinkawa Kyouji | Spiegel
Comments: 15
Kudos: 22
Collections: Anonymous





	1. Prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prologue is optional, I suggest reading Kyouji’s 20 page monologue from volume 6 as the true prologue. But if you’re here for shock value, or do skip it, please read the end notes.

The doorbell rang, and Shino’s heart pounded so loudly that she could hear it in her ears. After a few more dings, and she managed to shakily lift her frozen legs and walk over to the door. Peering through the door hole, she saw…

Kyouji Shinkawa. She sighed in relief, and smiled warmly. She even exclaimed his name in excitement. _Thank goodness,_ she thought, it was just him. She had feared that Death (Gun) was knocking on her door, but it was the love of her life instead.

Oh. The love of her life. That was strange, she thought. She’d never quite cared about romantic pursuits. She was too busy, too scared. _Scared?_ She’d begun to push people away, that was true. Suddenly, her mind went back to three hours prior. Kyouji had confessed to her twice, once in the park in real life, and once in _Gun Gale Online_ . Both times she had thought, _I do like him, but…_

But what? She couldn’t deny it any longer. The post office incident had graciously gifted her not just a fear of guns but a fear of men. The only thing keeping her from spending her weekends with him and calling him until the late hours of the night, as she assumed “normal” teenagers did, was her trauma. She _really_ wanted to date Kyouji, but she was downright terrified that it would put a strain on their relationship.

Though, she’d set a goal, hadn’t she? To kill, no, beat all twenty-two players who ranked above her. And later on, after having the Type 54 Black Star pointed at her, to defeat Death Gun. She’d done both of those things, hadn’t she? And thinking back on it, in that cave, she had promised to herself that she’d open up to Kyouji if she made it out alive. _Fuck it_.

“Asada-san? You there?”

Shino opened the door.

A few minutes had passed, she’d greeted Kyouji, and the two sat around the small table in her room. He didn’t want tea, so Shino had nothing to distract her haywire heart. It was fine, though, she thought; they talked for a bit, mostly Kyouji congratulating her for winning the BoB. No pressure there. For a moment she felt relaxed by his presence, as she usually did, but soon remembered the reason she’d wanted him there in the first place: the threat of Death Gun. As much as she wanted to put that behind her, she hadn’t defeated him in real life yet, so she hadn’t really reached her goal. She was about to speak, to tell Kyouji about the serial killer, when she had a sudden thought.

 _What if there is no Death Gun?_ The fantasy wiggled itself into her mind, and she snapped her mouth shut. The boy in front of her tilted his head, inquiring as to what she was going to say, but she brushed it off. It was all just a made-up rumor, like she’d originally thought. There was no murderer coming to her apartment. There was no such thing as being able to kill through a VRMMO. She decided to look back at Kyouji with a flattered smile, and he gazed at her as if she was glowing. This time, he was the one who stumbled on what to say. His lips pursed, and he tapped the black hat which he’d placed on the table. He shifted around on the floor pillow where he sat, with an expression deep in thought. Shino was about to ask him to just spit it out when he took a deep breath.

“About what we talked about in the park, and before the BoB…” he said with a hint of confidence. His vision darted away from her, and he fiddled with his hat some more.

“What do you mean?” Shino replied, just as nervous. _What the hell?_ She had instinctively played dumb, despite already resolving that she actually liked him back. That was going to be a doozy to unlearn; she hoped Kyouji wouldn’t be mad. Thankfully for her, he simply burst into a blushing frenzy.

“You asked me to wait, and I did. So… become one with me,” he reiterated in a whisper. Shino’s heart raced, and a blush spread across her face as well. Could he mean..? What _else_ could he mean, though? She pondered for a moment; she’d just barely escaped a life or death situation, and she knew people did _that_ in moments of desperation to prove their love. The time was right, and to be honest, she felt ready; at least, for that component of their relationship. Though _that_ did require some semblance of emotional effort, she figured she’d recovered just enough for it.

“Mhm,” she agreed, and with that, she pressed her lips onto Kyouji’s. He let out a small yelp, as he was shocked, but was silenced by the kiss. _This wasn’t at all what I meant_ , he thought. But the sensation was warm, and he didn’t want to stop. So he obliged, and they pressed closer. She reached for the back of his hand; it was dry and prickly, though since it was winter, that was to be expected. She held it in her own, grazing her fingers softly over his broken skin. He winced a bit, grunting through his nose.

“Sorry!” Shino apologized once they parted. She pulled her hand back, pressing her fist against her lips. The boy smiled.

“It’s alright,” he reassured. He then leaned in and pulled her into a hug, his hoodie crinkling against her sweater. She wrapped her arms around him as well, her hands resting above his shoulder blades and pressing into his soft down jacket. They basked in each other’s warmth, the cold December air no longer fazing them. For a moment, they simply embraced, until feverish sensations washed over them and they grew restless. Kyouji unzipped his jacket, Shino took off her sweater, and they went over onto her bed. They hurriedly continued, and consummated their love.

Once they were finished, they dressed themselves again. Kyouji wasn’t given the okay from his father to stay the night, so he’d need to leave eventually. On top of that, it was too cold to stay without clothes. The air from the cheap heater was nothing without at least one layer of warmth. They lay under the covers together, Kyouji’s arms wrapped around Shino’s waist. She wore a warm smile as he buried his face into her shoulder. They rested on the bed in silence, a bit tired. Shino was about to doze off when Kyouji suddenly shifted his position to face her. He wore a grin, but something about his eyes seemed different.

“I’m really glad we… y’know, haha,” he chuckled. She scrunched her shoulders and blushed; it was still a bit embarrassing to admit. Nevertheless, she felt an overwhelming joy as well. She was about to open her mouth to say so when he suddenly continued,

“Now I know that Kirito means nothing to you.”

Shino was taken aback. What was that even supposed to _mean?_ She shuffled an inch away from Kyouji. Getting a better look at his eyes, she realized what was off about them; the bags under them were darker than ever before. With a closer look, she noticed that even his smile was self-deprecating.

“I know now that I’m the only one in your heart. He means nothing to you, you hate him…” he elaborated, muttering to himself toward the end. His slender arms reached over and began to squeeze her body with force. He was her height and not well built, so the fact that her torso was in such pain shocked her. She tried to tell him to stop, that he was hurting her, but there was barely enough air left in her lungs to speak. Growing frantic, she pulled back her arms and pushed him off with all her might. As she gasped for air, Kyouji flung backward onto the floor. He hit the table, causing the cake box to fall over.

“Why… why’d you push me? I’m… don’t you betray me, too,” he muttered, his voice strained and hurt. As he was speaking, red liquid began to drip from his mouth; in the knock back, he’d bitten his tongue. He seemed more hurt by her actions than the cut in his mouth though, as he barely noticed as his blood fell onto the fake wooden tile.

“What are you talking about..?” Shino asked him. She felt queasy upon seeing his blood, and her heart stung at the sight, but she was too occupied with confusion to really pay attention. Of course, she’d tried to forget what happened in the cave. It was embarrassing, and she dreaded explaining it to Kyouji who was watching. She’d thought of him as she lay on Kazuto’s lap, his smile popping in her head. She felt guilty all of a sudden, as she had back then, though something still felt off. She would soon realize just how right her premonition was.

“I want to spend the rest of my days with you, to live with you, to be happy with you. I want to move far, far away, maybe to some farm on the country, just the two of us. I want to get married and have kids, grow old together, and I want to tell you I love you each day!” The words suddenly spilled out of Kyouji’s mouth, each and every one of them as earnest as the last. It was a speech from the heart. Shino's own heart fluttered, just a bit, but she kicked the feeling away. She had to fully recover before she could have that. But they’d already… right? She was so enamored that she didn’t notice how off topic his spiel was. Instead, she honestly replied,

“I want that too.”

“You do? Thank goodness. But I don’t know, it just… doesn’t seem possible. That’s why…” Kyouji’s hand shakily slipped into the pocket of his military jacket, “I have to do this.” With a flick of his wrist, he pulled out a syringe and pointed it at Shino. Her gut ached; Kazuto had said a syringe was the signature weapon of Death Gun. Could the murderer really be..?

No, it had to be a coincidence. Kyouji’s breath was heavy, still tired from moments before, and his steps weren’t stable. One hand grabbed for his wrist, pawed at it, almost as if to try to stop. But he ran toward the bed, and took hold of the girl on it. With horrible aim, he launched the needle at her. She dodged, and tried to crawl out from under him. He was a weak boy despite his athletic background, so she managed to escape. He stepped over the table and chased her around the cramped room, though with what seemed like little motivation.

“I don’t know what to do. I want that life, but it seems so out of reach in this world. The only way out seems to be death! Come on, we both crave it! I know… it’s an awful desire but… if reincarnation _is_ real like they say, we can be happy together in a different world. One like _GGO_ , no, one like _ALO_ maybe. But one without all this pain!” Kyouji sobbed as he flung around the needle. Each time he missed, he lost a bit of footing. Eventually, he tripped over himself. Great! Shino could make an escape. Except, he tripped over _her_ , causing them to both crash down on the floor. He grabbed her leg, not very forcefully. He extended his arm, but she managed to clench his wrist in her hand. The needle was just out of reach of her neck, and fear rushed through her veins.

“W-wait! We can still have that! We can get better, please, I know you can! You’re going to cram school, right? You’ll take over the family hospital business and make a lot of money, enough to get a countryside house where we can… not run away from our problems, but be happy we don’t have them anymore!” she shouted, pushing his arm away. He loosened his grip on her thigh, and she managed to kick him away. He grunted, sliding across the floor a bit. He smiled solemnly.

“The hospital stuff _is_ my problem! I’m being forced into something I hate! My parents are jerks, my brother was a victim of the _SAO_ incident and school was a nightmare when I was there! I mean, except for my time with you. But we had _GGO_ , so it didn’t matter. I became friends with you because you have true power. I heard about your incident and sought you out. I thought… you could save me. Make me stronger. You’re a real hero who beats real villains, after all! You’re just like the characters in _GGO_ ! _My_ world! So please… let’s go, now,” he admitted, droplets of tears falling from his face. Shino gasped, not having realized. Video games were his escape, his everything. Shouichi knew that, and that’s how he convinced Kyouji to take part in his vile act against XeXeed. That’s how he tricked him; it started out as humble revenge for the man who threw his 300+ hours into the trash can, and grew into a desperate suicide plot between himself and his lover. She had to figure a way out, something to save them both without dying. Yes, she craved an escape at times, and so did he, but deep down she knew neither of them wished to _die_ … 

Wait, did Kyouji say he only approached her because of the post office incident? It seemed that whatever Shouichi learned in _SAO_ had infected his brother as well. He found… solace in the fact that she suffered such a horrible incident. No, it couldn’t be true; he said he wanted to save her. But he called her a hero for killing somebody! Was his mind already warped? She soon became lost in a loop of endless contradictions, and her thoughts all jumbled up. It was as if she was trying to cross the gulf that divided her and Kyouji, but he kept walking farther away and the only thing she could do was get sucked up by the deep waters below; the bottomless swamp that was the pain inflicted by _that man_ all those years ago. Her eyes slowly shut, until all she knew was darkness.

After a conversation with her _GGO_ avatar in her mind, Shino returned to the waking world filled with new resolve. Kyouji was tugging on her shirt in an attempt to wake up. She pretended he pulled too hard and slipped away from the syringe. He let out an audible “huh?” as the needleless injector hit the mattress, followed by a groan as Shino kicked him in the gut. It hurt her to hurt him, but she’d already made up her mind. They went back and forth, a struggle to see who would get the syringe. Punches flew, and they found themselves in a tangle of limbs yet again; though not in a good way this time. The fight was so fierce that they knocked into the nearby dresser. The drawers crashed open, all its contents spilling out. Of those was the Procyon SL.

Shino tried to find balance, and touched the model gun. She instantly froze when she felt the metal under her fingertips. It was freezing, icy to the touch, but she wrapped her fingers around it. It felt incredibly heavy, though she knew it was just her imagination. Slowly, she lifted it up and pointed it at Kyouji. He stepped back for a moment, then started trembling. No, _he_ wasn’t trembling, Shino’s vision was. Everything around her shook, the fake wooden floor turned into cracking tile. The walls and furniture blurred, and soon the tiny apartment transformed into a post office. And along with the delusion, Kyouji turned into _that man_ and his syringe became the Type 54 Black Star— they were both the Death Gun, after all.

 _Shit, this was not a good idea,_ Shino screamed in her mind, resisting the urge to vomit. The one thing she feared when it came to Kyouji had come true; his eyes had become somebody else’s. But it was the only way she could get the advantage, a fighting start. So she resisted the urge to throw the gun in her hand— which had also become the Type 54 Black Star— to the floor. It remained fixed on Kyouji.

“What… what are you… doing?” he stumbled, out of breath. His eyes went wide, unable to process her actions.

“I have true power, right? So… if you don’t put down the syringe… I’ll use it. I still… love this world… so you have to, too,” Shino replied. At that point, she had no idea what she was saying. Her head pounded and words jumbled in her brain. But whatever she’d said had gotten to the boy across from her, and he dropped to his knees in a panic.

“Don’t leave me alone!” Kyouji begged through tears. The idea terrified him so much, he was rendered immobile. Shino then dropped the Procyon SL and took a running start across the six tatami mat apartment. Soon, her vision cleared, and she could make out the door. It was so close, just a few _centimeters_ away, yet for some reason she felt as if she was trying to cross the same stupid gulf as before. Nevertheless, she reached for the lock on the door and quickly tugged on the chain. However, she must have jumped too far, because she slipped on the floor mat and crashed into the ground.

“Shino! Shino! Sinon!” Kyouji called out desperately, his throat becoming hoarse. Somehow, he’d regained a shred of thought and caught up to her. It was a cry for help, a plea for death. But she was so close to escape, she couldn’t give up. The chain had already fallen and knocked against the door. She wrapped her fingers, dripping with sweat, around the knob and jerked it down. However, in that moment, he grabbed her by the waist. He tugged her down to the ground, and gripped her left leg. Her eyes watered and her muscles tensed up; it was over. The needle drew closer and closer, it reflected in her glassy eyes, and then—

“Sinon!” a voice shouted. Suddenly, Kyouji flew back and hit his back on the refrigerator. A knee hovered where he once was. Shino gazed up at her savior.

“Kirito?” she asked weakly. There he was, with rather short hair, and a fiery expression. He didn’t assume the other boy was finished, and charged at him. The boy in the military jacket rolled over, dodging another kick, and got up. He’d gotten the wind knocked out of him, but he managed. He swung his arm around, pointing… the syringe. The sudden change of targets confused Shino, who began to fear for her online friend’s safety. There was a newfound strength in all of Kyouji’s attacks, so powerful it devolved into a fistfight. He hadn’t shown that sort of resolve while attempting to poison Shino. In the panic of the chase, she never realized it, but he didn’t truly want to kill her. He hadn’t intended to use the syringe that day, and even after he took it out, he didn’t view it as killing her. He was holding back, because he loved her. Even though he wanted to die, part of him had doubts about dragging her with him. There was still some hope left, even if he didn’t consciously acknowledge it. She knew he wasn’t a monster, he wasn’t like his brother. Lost in her thoughts, she snapped back into it when she heard a loud. Kazuto had lost his footing, falling and giving Kyouji the opportunity to activate the syringe. Time slowed for a moment. Then, his lips parted, saying,

“I just wanted one miracle… and I got it. Brother said we only had to kill BoB candidates, not necessarily Shino. S-so I can kill this guy, and the job will be done. Shino and I can live happily ever after. Thank you, Black Swordsman, for your sacrifice.”

The syringe dug into the older boy, the poison leaking out. Shino stifled a scream; her online friend had just been injected with a lethal substance. Was he going to die? No, luck _had_ to be on her side. And even if it did go in, she could get him to the hospital. But in order to do that, she first had to do something horrible.

She stepped quietly over to the wooden table, picking up her old stereo. Kyouji was shivering, processing what he’d done. He seemed to be somewhere else entirely. That’s when she knew he wasn’t alright. _I should have listened, opened up to him sooner!_ she scolded herself. So in his moment of weakness, she flung the heavy machine at his head and knocked him to the ground with the hunk of metal. She winced and bit her lip, apologizing to her lover in her mind before running over to Kazuto. He was leaning against her bed, gasping for dear life. Her phone was close by, ready to call for an ambulance. But first, she had to check if it went in. She opened up his jacket, and surely enough, there was a damp spot. Fear surged through her, but with the slightest bit of hope, she lifted up his shirt. _This is the second guy’s chest I’ve seen today, huh,_ she thought, hoping some humor would calm her down. Right under the wet part of his shirt was a small, silver dot. Was it a machine of some sort? Whatever it was, it blocked the syringe. She sighed in relief.

“Oh… thank goodness, I ran out before Aki-san could take off all the heart monitors. That saved my life, huh?” Kazuto commented nonchalantly. Perhaps he’d had so many run ins with death that it no longer fazed him? Shino shook her head.

“That’s all you have to say? I can’t believe you,” she scolded, putting her hand over her own chest. Her heart was still pounding, but she could feel it calming down. However, one look at Kyouji, and it started to… hurt. There was an empty space in her heart due to deep loss. That’s when she began to silently weep.

“Guess we should call the police,” Kazuto muttered, not having much else to say. He decided to let her cry it out for the time being, so he picked up his phone. He dialed 110 and the police flooded the apartment complex a few moments later. They asked Shino questions all night, but she refused to talk. Not like she could have, anyway. Her mind went almost entirely blank, with only one thought running through it.

_He’s not a murderer._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tl;dr Kyouji good, this started as a shitpost. Merry Christmas, SAO fans!  
> You're probably wondering: who in their right mind would write something like this? You see, it all started when season 2 was first airing and my stupid jumps-to-conclusions ass fell in love with both Shino and Kyouji. So as all dumb kids raised by Zerochan and Fanfiction.net did, I sketched a fankid. And then I dumped them into a story with a bunch of other OCs. So this story is basically just an expansion of a single line in that crackhead ass story (which I turned in for a grade, by the way). But now you're thinking, didn't that shit air five years ago? Don't you know what happens, now that it's done? And my answer is: don't YOU know what happens? I was rewatching season 2 with a friend because we both ditched a party whose hostess we liked but other attendees we didn't. We got to the famous Asada-san Asada-san Asada-san scene when my friend said, "Man, he was actually a good character. They did him dirty." All of a sudden, my younger self jumped out. "Exactly!" I yelled, even though my throat was sore from my cold. So I did a quick Google search to find out if anybody felt the same. What I found was even better: the light novel. Now, if you read it, you'd see there's a stupid amount of subtext between Kyouji and Shino. There's also a line on page 29 (English print) that says she likes him. His character is also more fleshed out, and his actions make more sense (I don't condone them though). This clown is literally the Goro Akechi of Sword Art Online, but because the anime adapted him so terribly, all he's known for is screaming Shino's surname seven times (which is only three times in the books, mind you). It's portrayed as overly creepy, and thus he gets such hate. I'll have you know, his spiel was not a horny thing in the books! All in all, he deserves redemption. So I decided, fuck it, I'll do it since Reki seems to have forgotten my boy. But then I remembered my silly OC and realized, well fuck, I'll bring them in too. I'd always wanted to write a story where the family has to navigate their pasts, a story full of doubt yet unconditional love. I began to write this concept I'd had in my head since September 27th, 2014 on September 9th, 2019. And now I've written enough to feel comfortable to post part of it. I do not believe I am fucked up in writing this because I redeem Kyouji, I only believe I'm fucked up because of the nonsense I put Shino through (just a joke, I feel no remorse). But that's just how writers are: we angst the fuck out of our comfort characters. But if for some reason, after reading all this, you still want someone to blame? Blame a kid named Isaac. He's the reason I left that party, rewatched season 2, and consequently wrote this.


	2. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now the story starts for real!

A week or so after the incident, Shino came to an awful realization. She had been walking home from school when the thought popped into her mind, catching her so off guard that she almost tripped over her own feet. On that day, she and Kyouji had done the deed. At the time, she was so lost in the euphoria of loving him that she hadn’t noticed their careless mistake. She thought back to when they were resting on her bed together.

_ “Wait, I don’t have any, um, you know… are you on the pill?” _

_ “Huh? Pills? Yeah, I take ‘em.” _

_ “Oh, okay. That’s a relief.” _

She facepalmed, her index finger hitting the bridge of her nose. Passerby stared at her, weirded out. She hadn’t understood what he meant then, why he was asking about her prescription at the time, but suddenly it made sense to her. Kyouji wasn’t asking if she took medication, but if she had means of contraception. But she couldn’t really hear, was too distracted to get it, and said yes like an idiot.  _ Damn my countryside education!  _

So a new problem arose. Shino frantically looked around the narrow street, searching for a convenience store. Down the block, she spotted a bright and blinking sign. She ran over and pushed open the doors, then inspected each aisle. There were snacks and toys stacked on each shelf. She walked on until she reached medicines, then carefully read each box. Allergy relief, pain killers…

Pregnancy tests. She found the three cheapest boxes and snatched them off the shelf, cradling them under her arm. She sped toward the check out, dumped the boxes on the cash register, and pulled out her wallet from her school bag. The cashier scanned each one nonchalantly, then chuckled,

“You must really wanna be sure.” His lips were curved up into a grin. He looked to be a college student, and probably just wanted to add some spice to his mundane job. But soon realizing his quip didn’t land, he looked up at her, then dropped his jaw.

“Oh shit. You’re young.”

As soon as Shino got home, she ran into the bathroom and dropped her shopping bag. The plastic made a crackling noise as it hit the ground. She took out a box and pulled the flap open, instructions and the test itself tumbling out. She read over the directions carefully, not wanting to make a single mistake, then did as told. She held the stick in her hand and waited, until finally a symbol popped up. She brought it up close to her face, scrutinizing the result. But no matter how hard she gazed, it didn’t change.

Positive. Unable to believe her eyes, she tore open the other two boxes. They had similar instructions, and she impatiently followed them. She felt her head start to spin, her heart beating loudly in her chest. One of the sticks made a beeping noise. She flung her head forward and read it. At that moment, the result of the other test faded into existence. She held one in each hand, and moved her head from side to side to look at them. Suddenly, she threw them across the bathroom. The plastics made a clicking noise as they hit the tile. She slowly leaned her head back until it hit the wall with a small thunk. All three sticks held the same truth.

Shino was pregnant. The realization came with a wave of nausea; she could feel a panic attack rising. She couldn’t even form a coherent thought, which she would need to do fast if she was going to be a mother. Oh  _ god _ , she was going to be a mother. She put a hand over her chest, and she could feel each palpitation vibrate in her palm. And then, she lowered her hand so that it was on her stomach. In the coming months, there’d be something  _ growing  _ there. She couldn’t believe it, the tests had to be phony. Yeah, they were cheap, they couldn’t be real! Suddenly, a thought popped into her head. There was one more test she could take.

_ I can get a definitive answer at a hospital! _

As if some higher being was testing her, the taxi she had called dropped her off at the hospital that Kyouji’s father worked at. As she stepped out of the car, she groaned in distaste. It was partially her fault for only grunting “hospital” to the driver, but there was another one much closer to her apartment. In reality, she had been muttering “Shinkawa” to herself the whole ride, and the driver took it as a location. But since she didn’t know that, it seemed like a sign. Not wanting to go down that train of thought, she walked in through the automatic sliding doors. 

She shuffled over to the reception desk and explained her reason for coming; surprisingly, the hospital took walk-ins. She sat down on one of the green cushioned chairs of the waiting room, and browsed social media on her phone until she was called. A kind nurse escorted her to an examination room, and she was prompted to wait for a doctor. She continued her mindless web surfing, anything to keep her thoughts mute. The professional came, and gave her more instructions to follow. She was tired of repeating the same process, but she knew she had to. She did as told, and tapped away on her phone some more. She tried to shut off her brain.  _ Think about video games and school, anything other than the matter at hand. Anything but- _

“Congratulations, Asada-san! You’re expecting!” The words crushed her hopes and shook her to her core. She pressed her fingers to her temples, trying to ease an oncoming headache. The doctor peered at her, grimacing as he realized the news wasn’t good. She was carrying Kyouji’s child, there was no doubt about it.

Of course, she could always choose not to go through with her pregnancy.  _ Oh, right! I’ll just ask the doctor to redirect me!  _ Shino tapped her knees and got up. She sighed in relief, realizing she wouldn’t need to jeopardize school, or her life for that matter. She then opened her mouth to request another doctor when she realized what she had just thought.

_ I’m carrying Kyouji’s child. _ The gravity of those words hit her hard. The bundle of cells inside of her were her own, but they were also Kyouji’s. Perhaps she needed to put a little more thought into her decision. She thought back to the night of the incident, gripping her knees. Right before Kyouji had tried to end them both, he had told Shino that he wanted a future with her. Outside of the death plot context, it was actually quite romantic. And the strangest part of it all was that she’d  _ agreed  _ with him on those points. She herself had said she  _ wanted  _ children with him.

With that perspective, her situation shone in an entirely different light. It wasn’t a curse, it was a blessing; they’d been given a head start. It was still nerve wracking, but there was a point to her thoughts. She cracked a small smile to herself, perplexing the doctor, and gently rubbed her stomach. Maybe she’d keep the child after all.

Real life wasn’t like that perfect fantasy, though. Shino had to think about school, money, telling people,  _ how to be a mother _ . She groaned, squeezing her eyes shut in thought. She tried to work through each problem in her head. She didn’t have to tell anyone, as she lived alone and could hide it. She could learn how to parent from resources online. Kyouji wouldn’t be stuck in prison forever, anyway, so he’d step in and help her eventually. They’d work together, like they’d promised. School was more difficult to handle, but it wasn’t as if she was the first teenager to ever get pregnant. Shino was already isolated by her classmates, and she could tell faculty not to pry, so nothing would change. Finally, the hardest problem: money. She could work, but that would be hard to balance with school and eventually parenting. She’d need to get money elsewhere, but she didn’t want to tell her family. She feared it would burden her mother and harm her already fragile sanity. As for her grandparents, they were traditional, so there was no telling how they’d react to their granddaughter being pregnant out of wedlock. Shit, her fantasy was beginning to crumble and turn pitch black. As her thoughts turned grim, she pictured Kyouji holding her hand to keep them at bay. There  _ had _ to be a way…

That was it. Kyouji was the answer; he was well-off due to his father being director of the hospital. If Shino explained the situation, explained that they were family, she could get child support. She’d get it later on anyway, once Kyouji returned from imprisonment. It was simply an advanced payment. The only issue with  _ that  _ was that Shino had no idea what the Shinkawa family was like. Both of their sons had mental health issues, which didn’t spell well for her. Nevertheless, she knew what she had to do. She thanked the doctor, told him she was going to secure payment, and asked him to lead her to the director’s office to do so.

Shino took a deep breath and steeled her nerves. It was inevitable, and would be helpful in the long run, but that didn’t change the fact that the pressure was  _ on _ . If she messed up, she’d run out of options. With a shaky fist, she knocked on the door of the hospital director.

“Come in,” a stern voice replied. She did as told, and twisted the doorknob. The room was all white, and slightly smaller than she’d expected. A long, wooden desk stretched from wall to wall, covered in stacks of organized papers and folders. Sitting near the right end of the desk was a man with slicked back black hair and abundant wrinkles on his face, hovering over a clutter of similar papers. He did not turn to look at her.

“State your name, purpose.”

“Asada Shino. Family meeting,” getting quickly to the point. She figured, since he was a man of few words, he’d appreciate it.

“Family m- huh? Who are you?” he sputtered, his eyes widening. He kicked his heel into the ground, spinning his chair around to face her. He dragged his hand down his face, then blinked a few times, trying to make sense of it all. 

“Asada, Asada… oh! You’re that girl that Kyou- tch,” he clicked his tongue and got out of his chair, “I’m greatly sorry for what my son has done.” He bowed down to about forty-five degrees. Shino shook her head.

“No, no. I’m not here for that,” she clarified, “I’m here to ask for… um… financial support.” The last part came out rather sheepishly, and her eyes shifted to her feet. The man raised an eyebrow, growing dubious. He huffed, then explained,

“Look, I truly apologize for the actions of my youngest son but you can’t just barge in here asking for money-”

“I’m carrying your grandchild, you asshole!” The words flew out of her mouth, leaving both of them in shock. She quickly slapped her hand over her mouth, a bead of sweat forming on her forehead, then murmured an apology. The man’s eyes widened, staring in awe at the girl in front of him. His expression, however, soon turned to sheer terror at certain realizations.

“Are you su-”

“I took a test at this very hospital.”

“Did Kyou r-”

“No, of course not, it was consensual.”

“And you’re ke-”

“Yes, I intend to raise this child.”

Dr. Shinkawa cupped his hands around his nose and mouth, and let out a huge exhale. He was contemplating something, his eyes shifting between himself and the papers on the desk. He tapped his foot, checked his watch, fidgeted in any way possible. Finally, he turned and walked over to a gray cabinet by the back wall. He sifted through a few files before pulling out a small checkbook. He returned to his desk, quickly snatched a pen out of a cup, and scribbled a sum and his signature. He then took a post it note from a stack and hastily wrote an address on it. And finally, he quickly took a case out of his pocket and added a business card to the pile. He held out the papers out to her with both hands and asked,

“I shall give you this for now, to pay for the test, but I would greatly appreciate if you could join my wife and I for dinner tonight so we can continue talking about this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 should be posted very soon, I just need to edit it.


	3. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kyouji’s in this chapter! I procrastinated editing this so much, forgive me.

Shino awkwardly poked at her curry. It wasn’t inedible, it actually tasted delicious, but she wasn’t feeling hungry. She knew she had to eat, especially since she was with child, but the pressure of being in the Shinkawa household was suffocating her. Her dining partners noticed; Dr. Shinkawa glared at her while sipping water and Mrs. Shinkawa scrunched her face.

“Shino, is- oh, sorry, can I call you that?- is something the matter?” the older woman asked. She was pudgy lady with shoulder length brown hair. From the few words they’d exchanged, Shino had gathered that she was a kind person. That meant that the one who put all the pressure on Kyouji was his father; she made a mental note of that before responding.

“Oh, no, I’m sorry for being rude. It’s just a bit nerve wracking to be meeting my partner’s- I guess I would call him that?- parents,” she admitted. Dr. Shinkawa did a spit take, thankfully into his cup. He slammed the glass down onto the table in his coughing fit, his wife patting his back as he recovered. Shino made another mental note: it was too soon to acknowledge their newfound familial connection, at least in front of the doctor. Once he was finished with his hyperbolic reaction, Mrs. Shinkawa calmed down and smiled.

“I understand. I was nervous when I met the Shinkawa family as well, and I was much older and not expecting. I can’t imagine what it must be like, and after all you’ve gone through, I just want you to feel at home here,” she reassured. Once again, Dr. Shinkawa found the statement distasteful and wore a pout. His wife rapped him lightly on the shoulder. She was more understanding toward the situation at hand; she had listened intently and sympathetically as Shino explained the events of that December day. How she and Kyouji professed their love after her victory, how she knew that he was manipulated by his brother, how she knew he didn’t kill or want to kill anybody (other than himself, but she kept quiet about that).

“It’s the least we can do to repay you for everything you’ve done for our son,” Mrs. Shinkawa thanked. It was reassuring to know that only one of her sons was a lunatic, yet the gratitude had still caught Shino off guard. She knew Kyouji loved her, but what exactly had she done for him? In her mind, she had selfishly neglected his burdens and caused him to have a mental breakdown in her apartment. His mother noticed her puzzled expression, furrowed eyebrows and all, and explained,

“Before you two met, he was a lonely boy without many friends. He would log into that game for hours on end, anything to push away his studies. But one day, he came home with a smile on his face. It was the first time I’d seen him smile that wide since he was a toddler. I asked him what had happened, and he said that he’d met a cool, new person, and that he was going to play video games with her. In the following weeks, he became much more motivated. He actually worked on his medical studies, while still balancing his game. He had control of his life.” Shino could feel tears well up in her eyes. That had to be during the summer. To her, that was always Kyouji. She never knew the past him, so she never noticed his change. Of course, until October… 

“Shouichi woke up from the game last year, however, and made sure our youngest son couldn’t break free of his old self. They’d lock themselves in the hospital room for hours, plotting who knows what. A part of me wanted to stop them, but I felt obligated to show kindness to my older son. I should have trusted my gut,” Mrs. Shinkawa admonished herself. She curled her lips, making her regret obvious. There was nothing more painful, it seemed, than a mother realizing she may have hurt her child. That was a feeling Shino wasn’t looking forward to; she could only hope that she’d be a good one. However, the eyes of the woman across from her seemed to have a trace of that same hope. Even so, there was an aftertaste of discomfort in the air, and Mrs. Shinkawa quickly changed the subject.

“Oh, you know what? I think I have some supplies I’ve been hoarding since the boys were little. You can have them, I just need to find them in these closets,” she realized, clapping her hands together. She pushed her chair out, making a light scraping noise, and walked over to a closet in the wall. She motioned with her left arm for Shino to follow suit. Opening the closet door, the two came face to face with neatly stacked boxes. Each one had a label scribbled on the edge, from holiday decorations to spare cookware. Crammed in the corner, beneath two hardware supply boxes, was a box with 恭二 written on it.

“Here we go,” Mrs. Shinkawa announced, shaking her arms as if to warm up for a great physical feat. She tiptoed over to the box, stretched out her arms as far as she could, and grabbed the sides. With a small huff, she slowly lowered the box onto the ground in front of Shino’s feet. She then took off the hardware tools and pried off the tape covering the cardboard flaps. Inside was an assorted pile of junk; toys, books, blankets, clothes, even training wheels. The two got to work unpacking everything in the middle of the living room, much to Dr. Shinkawa’s dismay.

The items were separated into two piles, a pile to go back in the box and a pile for Shino to take. But the item that caught her eye was not anything of importance to her child; she was fixated on a red photo album. The spine was wide, the plastic pages pressing together to make the book thick. On the cover was a small square; a photo of a tiny Kyouji smiling, a few of his teeth missing. She was so concentrated that she forgot to keep unpacking, concerning the woman next to her and causing her to look over. When Mrs. Shinkawa noticed the album, she gave a weak smile.

“You want to look, don’t you? It’s okay, go ahead,” she whispered. She wasn’t trying to hide the memento, so the softness of her voice had to be because of the accompanying pain. Her eyes grew misty as she carefully pulled back the cover. Dozens of pictures of Kyouji playing and running around filled each page. His infant life was so full of joy; the little boy who held lizards in his hands was someone that Shino had never known. Shaken by the severe difference, she quickly flipped the pages in search for more. More smiles, more happiness, anything to give her hope that maybe that boy would return to her. However, things took a turn for the worse once he began to don a school uniform.

Once first grade began, the true start of school, his smile gradually faded. Each year that passed, each inch he grew, the edges of his lips fell a bit more. They curved downward, downward, downward; by the time she recognized the school behind him in the pictures, he was full-on frowning. It had been a while since she’d seen him wear that uniform. She hadn’t noticed it back then, but the black collar seemed to choke him. Finally she understood why his mother cited kindergarten as the last time he expressed joy. And as if the woman read her mind, Mrs. Shinkawa began to tell a story… 

_ Every tree in Hongo had turned a healthy green. Though spring began only two days prior, the weather was pleasant. Cool breezes paired with the warm sun made for the perfect play environment. Kyouji Shinkawa would be starting first grade in a week. _

_ He was busy digging up worms in his backyard, and his small hands became caked in dirt. He loved the wriggling creatures; they fascinated him, since they wouldn’t die if they were cut in two. Most kids found them weak, since they were squishy and used to catch fish. But he believed them to be strong, unkillable. They could be his friends forever and ever! He threw a particularly fat one into a blue bucket by his feet; he was going to take it to his brother in the hospital in hopes of inspiring him. _

_ Shouichi, who was three years older, had spent half of his life in his father’s hospital. Each day that he spent cooped up in a pale white room connected to wires would chip away at his soul. He had grown to be a cynic recently, much to his mother’s dismay. She just wanted her sons to be happy; that’s why, when Kyouji ran up to her covered in mud with a pail of night crawlers, she didn’t even scold him. _

_ “Look, look, mama! Worms! I’m gonna bring some to Shou!” he exclaimed, shoving the critters close to her face. They squirmed in the bucket, making the hairs on her arms stand, but she smiled. _

_ “That’s a good idea. I think he’ll love them,” she replied gently. The boy pulled back the bucket and danced around, proud that he’d pleased her. She patted him on the head, ruffling his hair. As she did, she felt leaves and sticks graze her fingertips. _

_ “But first you need to take a bath, young man! You’re filthy!” she commented. However, it was more of a quip than a nitpick, and the two burst into laughter. He didn’t protest her request at all, and began to march inside the house. However, as his dirty sneakers squished their way through the grass, Kyouji realized he was still holding his worms. His mother waited for him as he carefully set them down on the lawn chair and whispered that he’d come back soon. He then leaped into her arms, and she carried him all the way up so he wouldn’t track dirt into the house. _

_ Kyouji hopped down the stairs, squeaky clean, and returned to his post in the backyard. He smiled as he skipped over to his “friends”, eager to continue playing with him. He promised his mother that he was done digging for the day, but he still needed to make a home for the worms. He was going to turn an old mason jar into a sci-fi desert, like in the books Shouichi loved to read. That and the sentiment of the worms’ strength were bound to help him recover faster, he thought. He approached the lawn chair with a smile on his face… and then it vanished. _

_ “Mama! M-my worms are gone!” he cried, and a sudden wave of panic washing over him. His tiny heart began to beat too fast for someone his age. He turned his head left and right, and ran all over the backyard. His bucket was gone too, but his mother was too busy cooking dinner to assuage his fears. He was about to run inside to get her when he was stopped in the doorway by his father. Upon seeing the man, his face lit up in relief. _

_ “Papa, have you seen my worms? I wanted to bring them to Shou,” Kyouji asked, his voice wavering. His little hands balled up into fists, as if he was prepared to fight for the critters. He wasn’t the strongest boy, though he enjoyed soccer, but he had passion. However, when he noticed the stern look on his father’s face, all of his power disappeared. _

_ “Yes. I got rid of them. Nothing a little insecticide can’t kill,” Dr. Shinkawa replied nonchalantly. How could it be? The worms were supposed to be survivors! The young boy’s eyes began to water, and his lip wiggled into a pout. He looked as if his heart had been shattered into a million pieces. He didn’t understand why the man he trusted so much would do that, would hurt him. As if he read the boy’s mind, Dr. Shinkawa explained, _

_ “You are going to start first grade next week. You won’t have time for playing with… worms anymore. You must focus on your studies, get an early start. I’ll help you by personally tutoring you, so don’t worry. But you are the heir of the hospital. You must understand, Kyouji.” His eyes were frigid and his voice was monotone. Perhaps it was the young boy’s perception, but it didn’t change the fact that his father had severely betrayed him. It was at that moment that his life began to crack, as he had begun holding the weight of the family on his shoulders. All he had wanted was to cheer up his brother and have a few friends, but that slipped through his small fingers. And worst of all, Mrs. Shinkawa could only watch as her fine and modest sons crumbled from within. _

Shino knew that there was a restless noise within Kyouji’s heart. She beat herself up over not having heard it every day. However, it seemed that the deeper she dug into his tale, the dimmer it became. She felt the corners of her eyes begin to water, and quickly shut the photo album. Suddenly, a hand gripped hers.

“But you helped him go back to himself before that day. And you’re continuing to help him. It’s like I said before. I’m glad I finally found the words,” Mrs. Shinkawa reassured. Her palms were soft and warm, a comfort Shino was barely familiar with. It was the distant motherly love she craved. For a second, she forgot about the mark on her own hand. But not for long.

“Th-thank you,” she began to stutter, pulling away as politely as possible. Gathering her thoughts, she continued more fluently, “Thank you. I really mean it.” One day, maybe, she’d be able to have people touch her “tattoo”. But they had just met, and she couldn’t afford to mess things up… she had to quell a panic attack. The woman looked at her dubiously, and she tried to brush it off, but to no avail. She silently hoped for an escape route; thankfully, Dr. Shinkawa spoke at that moment.

“Ahem, if you’re done taking our things and getting all sentimental, I have something I’d like to discuss,” he coughed. Shino looked at him sheepishly; he had definitely overheard the story, which did not paint him in the most positive light. Whether his interruption was to rid him of guilt or maintain his ego, she did not know. She was just glad he had impeccable timing, as his wife was distracted in an instant.

“What is it, dear?” Mrs. Shinkawa asked. She peered at Shino for a moment, quickly putting the emptied out belongings into a bag, before facing the man at the table. He gazed at them expectantly, waiting for them to rejoin him. His cup of water still clearly had spit resting on the top. Understanding his cue, they walked over and pulled out their chairs again. Shino interlocked her fingers, and gulped. He seemed a lot more serious than before, as if he was about to give a lecture.

“Raising a child takes responsibility, and that includes finances. You’re still in high school, so I assume you have no means to do so,” Dr. Shinkawa stated, loud and clear. Shino winced; he was right, though it wasn’t easy to admit. She knew she wanted to keep the child, and she’d come up with a bunch of solutions in her head, but going through with everything took a lot more maturity than she had. She was at the Shinkawa household to ask for money, but there was no guarantee the two adults would agree. Even if they did, the allowance she got from her own family was small; the Shinkawa family probably wouldn’t give her much.  _ Maybe I should use  _ GGO _ as a safety net? I could go professional… but I also have school, and getting money from games seems dubious anyway. Hey, son or daughter! Mama’s job is to be a sniper in a video game!  _ A wave of panic came over her again and, subconsciously, she curled her lips.

“You can relax. Listen, apparently there’s something wrong with my parenting, so I’m not going to try to take custody of my grandchild once he or she arrives because you’re too broke. I’ll just give you money instead, like you asked… how does five hundred thousand yen a month sound?” Dr. Shinkawa seemed to have noticed Shino’s anxiety, but his reassurance came out more self deprecating than wholesome. Either way, it was a big deal. He stared off in the distance with a nonchalant expression, tilting his head.

“F-five hundred thousand yen?!” Shino exclaimed. That was more money than she’d ever held in her hand. A part of her wanted to refuse; it was a lot to give a girl he barely knew. But she held back her tongue, knowing she’d need a sum that large.

“I was throwing away money on Shou before instead, so nothing gained or lost. Besides, isn’t a grandfather supposed to spoil his grandchild?” Even though it was a joke, his voice remained icy. She could never tell what he was truly feeling. She glanced over at Mrs. Shinkawa; could  _ she _ tell? They were partners in life, after all. Then again, Shino hadn’t been able to tell what was in Kyouji’s mind, and  _ they _ were partners themselves. She sighed; relationships were complicated. No wonder she had ignored them for a good portion of her life.

“Well, set up an appointment at my clinic, will you? You also need to figure out the not financial semantics of… this, you know,” Dr. Shinkawa advised with a distant tone. He flung his finger in a circle, pointing at Shino’s midsection. His actions only fed her confusion. She huffed, wondering how a man like that could be a father.  _ Well, he wasn’t a really good one _ , the voice in the back of her head quipped. That was true, seeing as both of his sons were incarcerated. She had determined that he felt awful about that, during each of their conversations. She had also detected a bit of remorse about that fact in the man’s testimony, as relayed by Seijirou, which was probably why he was going to such lengths to help her. However, that didn’t change the fact that he literally hated her guts, and quite frankly, she hated his.

“Will do, Dr. Shinkawa. Thanks again for all your help. You too, Mrs. Shinkawa. It was a pleasure to meet you,” Shino agreed, her tone icy in the first half of her response. Mutual displeasure was a strange note to end on for a first meeting, but that was where the conversation naturally died. She gathered all the things that Mrs. Shinkawa had given her, and bid the married couple farewell.

The first thing Shino did when she got home was lay down in bed. She didn’t bother to change out of her casual clothes because she was so exhausted. She curled up under the warm comforter and closed her eyes. Her hand dropped down to her stomach.  _ This is really happening, huh?  _ It had been a hectic day, going from place to place. She groggily turned her head to look at her phone and read the time. It was almost ten, and she hadn’t even started her homework. Her brain was fried, though, so she resolved to do it in the morning. Tomorrow would be a new day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Important things to note:  
> -The worm thing is a direct reference to one of Vassago’s speeches, hehe. It wasn’t intentional at first, but then I read it, and went OHHH!  
> -Kyouji liking lizards was another headcanon I pulled out of my ass that I realized had some canon basis. In episode 10, a scorpion (who’s supposed to represent Death Gun) pierces a lizard (who’s supposed to represent Sinon). He too is a victim of Death Gun, so there’s that Kyouji/lizard solidarity. This isn’t the last of that headcanon, either, so stay tuned!  
> -Mentioned some more canon lines here, can you find ‘em?


	4. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback to when Kyouji and Shino first met.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hahahahahaha you thought I was gone?! Nope, this story is 37k words and counting!!

“Asada-san?”

Shino jerked her head forward. The teacher was glaring straight at her, with one eyebrow raised. Looking around the room, a few students were doing the same.  _ Where am I?  _ she thought, her mind a bit fuzzy. The night before, she hadn’t slept well. Usually, she could pass out on command, but there were too many thoughts in her head.  _ About what?  _ she asked herself, before suddenly remembering.

_ Oh, right. I’m gonna be… _

“Asada-san, if you don’t know the answer, just say so. Stop wasting class time,” the teacher grumbled, irritated. He tapped on the desk in front of him, and Shino quickly lowered her head.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know,” she muttered. The teacher clicked his tongue and called on the next student, and Shino’s mind went numb yet again.  _ If I’m already this out of it, how the hell am I supposed to deal with the rest of my life…  _ she fretted. Her fingers tightened around the hem of her skirt, unsure if she’d ever get used to it. It wasn’t like she could ask her mother for help, no… anybody but her. 

Yes, her mother would be the best suited for advice. She had also raised a child without the help of a father. But even now, Shino still saw the woman as a fragile person. If she were to tell her that she was going to be a grandmother, could she handle the shock? Shino’s grandparents would be infuriated, but her mother… there was a possibility that she’d break down again. Shino didn’t want to think about that, not ever.

So who else was there to turn to?  _ Dr. Shinkawa told me to make an appointment _ , she remembered as she scribbled down some notes from the current lesson. Next to a mathematical formula, she wrote down her schedule for the day. First, she’d go to Hongo-me and take a visit to the hospital to make an appointment. Then, on the way home, she’d pick up groceries… hm, since it was a Friday, she could stay out later. Where else could she get advice, other than the fallible archive called the internet…

_ Ah, the library. My card should still work, and I haven’t borrowed anything recently… _

Hesitation filled Shino’s brain. She frequented the library often, being the bookworm she was, so of course it was what came to mind when she thought “free time”. However, there was another significance behind the specific municipal library near her home. She sure had a penchant for getting attached to libraries, huh.

It was where she met Kyouji Shinkawa. Shino wasn’t sure if she could face that place again anytime soon. If there was one moment that set everything- the Death Gun incident, the results of the test the day before, the ridicule in the classroom she’d just faced- into motion, it had to be that day in June. Only six months ago, on the 20th of the month.

_ Yeah, it all started back when Kyouji approached me and asked if I liked guns. _

But in that case, it was only fair that she returned. It was only fair that she mustered the strength to go to the library, for the benefit of her child. The child who would not exist without the help of the boy she’d met in that tall, slate building.

_ The month of June was on its last legs, so the heat was gradually becoming more intense. The dismissal bell had finished blaring, and so Shino Asada got up and out of her seat. She briskly went into the hallway, approaching the stairs. She had to walk fast, otherwise she’d become acutely aware of the chatter and glares. Earlier that month, Endou had informed everyone in the school about Shino’s past. There wasn’t a single student who hadn’t heard the exaggerated tale of the Sancho-me post office incident. She was isolated yet again, and with that, she started to count the days until graduation once more. _

Day eighty… nothing new.

_ The teachers had been lax on the homework that day, so Shino decided to stop at the municipal library. She went down the steps and left the building, and felt relieved when she heard the whirrs of cars driving past her. Sure, loud noises bugged her and she still hadn’t gotten fully used to city sounds, but any noise was better than the cruel remarks of teenagers. If anything, the bustling city was excellent white noise. _

_ She strolled along the thin sidewalk, along the path that she had quickly memorized. A few turns, and she found herself right in front of the library. There was a hint of a smile on her face as she walked in, shoving the heavy door to get to all the books. She’d gone back to her middle school ways of camping out in the library, and would probably some day be known as a regular. But that day, there was a problem in paradise. _

_ A group of school boys, each with a loose jersey over their shirts, sat at a table near the front. They looked like they were having a study group, which was reasonable, but each jersey had the name of her school printed on the back.  _ Are you kidding? My classmates are here?  _ Shino griped. She tried to rush past them and make it to the room in the back, but she wasn’t fast enough this time. _

_ “Holy shit, isn’t that Asada?” _

_ “I still can’t believe someone as quiet as her… y’know. Did that.” _

_ “Dude, I’ll give you 600 yen if you go up and talk to her.” _

_ “No way! I barely talk to girls in the first place, and you want me to talk to a MURDERER?” _

_ The last boy blurted his response out a bit loudly, garnering attention from the rest of the library’s patrons. Bitter faces stared at him, mostly adults who found the teen’s presence rude in general. But not because of his words, no, simply because of his noise level. In fact, some of the bothered readers looked up at Shino with fearful glances instead. _

_ There was nobody on Shino Asada’s side. There were only enemies in this city. Endou had taught her that well enough. _

_ But unbeknownst to Shino, one of the boys in the group of athletes got up and out of his seat. He wasn’t taking the bet, though, far from it. He took off his jersey, stuffed it in his bag, and tailed her as she fled to another section of the library. He was taking an opportunity. _

_ Shino had settled down in the international books section, leaving her bag on a table to claim her seat. She perused the large compendiums, hoping to find something that piqued her interest. Nothing but encyclopedias on topics she’d already pored over in weeks prior… but then she saw a book whose title made her heart stop. It was called  _ Guns of the World  _ and it was nestled between the book stopper and a book about plants. She gulped; she’d been in Tokyo for long enough now, right? Maybe she’d be well enough to look at a picture of  _ the gun  _ now. _

If those boys think of me as a murderer, then so be it.

_ Shino pulled the heavy archive out of the shelf and brought it to her table. She pushed her bag aside and set the book down, placed her fingers at the edges, and opened it up. A small layer of dust lifted up as she did, and so she smoothed out the pages to clear it off. The first page was credits, the next an index, and the next a list of chapters. After three pages of that, there was a small introduction that talked about the history of guns and how gunpowder was first invented in China. This was all stuff that Shino knew already. She was more interested in the pictures. _

_ Well, “interested” was a stretch. The pictures were more like something she was duty bound to see. A major test of strength. The archive had multiple categories for the guns, each image listed under a colorful tab with its type, but Shino couldn’t care less. The important part was gazing at the images, taking in the form and shape of the guns and letting them rest in her mind. She stared daggers into an printed out assault rifle, let it fester in her brain, and turned to the next page. Shino felt pinpricks in her hands and couldn’t make out the hushed whispers of the other library patrons anymore, but she was still conscious and present and not vomiting. _

_ To Shino, that was totally a score. _

_ She continued reading in that fashion; scrutinize the gun, turn the next page, look at the graph, acknowledge the gun. She was doing pretty well, and while her heart screamed in her chest, she was doing better than ever before. That is, until she reached the handgun section of the archive and came face to face with  _ the gun _ she so feared. _

_ She was only able to look at it for ten seconds before she slammed the book shut. A loud thump rang out in the library, and Shino was once again met with indignant glances. But she couldn’t see them very well at all, not with her vision warping. She blinked hard, over and over, until the library returned.  _ That was… a close one _ , Shino griped in her head. She’d come so far, yet the payoff was little. She just wanted someone to tell her it was okay, that her efforts weren’t in vain… _

_ “Do you like guns?” _

_ Shino felt her whole body tense up. She slowly shifted around in her chair to see the person who spoke. Standing in front of her was a short, slender boy with slightly long bangs and a bad case of babyface. He wore the corresponding school uniform to her own. Once she realized he was actually her classmate, she felt the urge to shut down the conversation immediately. But she was raised to be polite, so she went for a vague response. _

_ “I guess so,” Shino said in a monotonous voice. She pushed up her glasses. And then, the unthinkable happened— the boy pulled out a chair and sat down right next to her, an excited smile on his face. _

_ “Mind if I look at this?” he asked. Shino’s mouth was shut tight, and she had no idea how to react. This situation was new, strange, and unexpected. But she couldn’t say no, that would be rude, so she hesitantly nodded. The boy leaned over and opened the book again, flipping to a random page within the orange tab— assault rifles. _

_ “Oh! This is a large bore rifle, the H&K G3!” he grinned, tapping the picture of the golden gun. He grinned as he rambled about the gun, giving Shino a bunch of random fun facts and even explaining the graph next to it. It was a bit strange, but… not unappealing. She liked listening to people talk. _

_ “I prefer the FN FAL, which is this one,” the boy gave his opinion as he flipped a few pages and pointed to a new assault rifle, “It’s got a high ROF, and there’s also a wood and metal version! It’s super cool, and I wanna find one in  _ GGO  _ since it fits my build.” _

_ “What? What’s that?” Shino asked, her interest piqued by the strange letters the boy said with ease. His eyes widened, and he blinked a bit. It was as if he had been so consumed in his own little brain that he had forgotten there were people who didn’t know what he was talking about. Or so Shino inferred. _

_ “Oh, it stands for  _ Gun Gale Online  _ and it’s a VRMMO I play. It’s real fun!” the boy clarified, pumping his fist. _

_ “VRMMO? Those are video games, right? I thought they only had fantasy-ish settings,” Shino spoke for the first time in a while. She didn’t know much about video games, as she had already taken a strong liking to reading by the time the NervGear came out. She was indifferent to the virtual world— she was indifferent to most things, really. _

_ “Nope, all sorts of games have started to pop up. Ever since  _ The Seed _ came out, that is. It’s a program that lets anyone make games, so this sketchy American company made one about a wasteland with guns,” the boy elaborated, now sheepishly. Shino raised an eyebrow. _

_ “A world with… guns?” she asked, intrigued. It wasn’t because she was a fan, or a gamer, but rather because she could sense potential in this world. Potential as a coping mechanism. A place where she could touch a gun and not have her mind and body shut down. That was her hypothesis. _

_ “Yeah! It’s set in a post-apocalyptic world where life has died out and everyone lives on spaceships but the spaceship people come back to Earth and find today’s guns, which are ancient to them, and fight the monsters that roam the land with them! It’s super cool!” The boy explained the lore with gusto and a wide-toothed grin. His fingers shook around excitedly. _

Hm, that’s pretty deep lore for a video game. But that doesn’t matter to me. What matters is whether or not  _ that gun _ is there _ , Shino resolved. With a deep breath, she opened the book back up to the page with  _ the gun  _ on it. Slowly, she pointed at it, but avoided looking at it by looking at the boy instead. _

_ “Is this gun, the Type 54 Black Star, in that game?” she asked, her mouth growing dry as she said the name out loud. The boy simply looked at her with a raised eyebrow that seemed to say “yeah, that’s obvious” to her. But he added in a nod afterward, just to make sure she understood. Shino’s heart began to pound. She could see  _ the gun  _ once more, maybe crush it with her hands. _

_ “How much does it cost to play this game?” she asked fervently. She saw how brightly his face gleamed at the question; maybe he didn’t have other friends who played video games? Shino knew little about other people, and even less about city kids. For all she knew, this boy could be a social outcast. Though, he seemed a bit cute to be left out. _

_ “Well! Once you buy the hardware, the AmuSphere, a  _ Gun Gale Online  _ subscription costs 3000 yen a month. But you earn money in the game, so you can pay off the subscription just by playing!” the boy told her, sounding a bit like a businessman. Shino was sold, though. Whatever precious allowance she spent on this virtual reality, she had a way to earn back. Her deal finding senses tingled. _

_ “Then, uh, could you show me where I could buy this… ultra-new tech?” Shino asked, trying to use lingo to sound like she wasn’t entirely out of the know. The boy chuckled at that, but nodded. _

_ “Yeah, I can. But oh, uh, I have to go home and study now. Can we meet here tomorrow after school? J-just so we can have a meeting place, then I’ll walk with you to the store,” he replied, proposing a second meetup. He looked at the clock on the far back wall of the library, as if to look occupied. Shino couldn’t help but doubt him, though. Maybe he was part of the group from before, and he was going to drag her out tomorrow to get beat up. Maybe he didn’t actually need to study and was just leaving her hanging with the excuse of time, probably because he’d put two and two together about her past. _

_ Everyone in the city was an enemy to her. Everyone. _

_ “I-I’m sorry if I overstepped! That must’ve sounded a bit weird, right? I just get so happy when I talk about  _ GGO  _ that I lose sight of myself, haha,” the boy awkwardly laughed as he explained the situation. Shino, still looking at him, widened her eyes. He’d been more worried about coming off weird than the fact that Shino was Tokyo Metropolitan High School’s infamous murderer. _

_ Maybe there was one person in Tokyo who wasn’t an enemy. Not an ally just yet, but not an enemy, either. _

_ “No… it’s fine. You’re fine. Oh, I guess I never got your name,” Shino replied slowly and softly, trying to mask her shock. The epiphany was simply groundbreaking. For the first time since Endou, she’d managed to muster up a bit of trust. And for the first time in her life, she’d grown curious about another person. As if to purposefully intrigue her even more, the boy across from her flashed a melancholy smile and looked back at her as if she were radiant. _

_ “My name is Shinkawa Kyouji. So, are we on for tomorrow?” _

The bell rang, signaling the end of both class and Shino’s trip down memory lane. She hurriedly packed up her things and made for the exit. On her way out, high pitched and jeering voices pricked her ears.

“Hey, hey! Doesn’t Asada seem a bit different these days?”

“Oh, I know right! Maybe it’s that  _ guy  _ who was waiting for her outside!”

“The cool guy with the motorcycle? Yes, yes! I bet they’re a thing!”

_ Keep believing that. You’re so off the mark, I should be grateful. _

Shino Asada began to walk home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter wasn’t originally in my outline, but damn if it didn’t sneak its way in. I really like how it turned out, so even though I barely revised it, I hope you liked it too.


	5. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What’s in a name? Character study disguised as a chapter.

Shino returned home an hour or so later. She undid her locks, which made a clicking noise, and walked into her house. She slipped off her shoes and closed the door, then threw her groceries into the fridge. She continued to walk toward the back of the tiny apartment and set her bag down on the tea table. She was glad to be rid of the weight; she went to the library after all, and had borrowed as many books on motherhood that she could find. While they were essential to her mental well being, the guides did not get along with her skinny arms.

Shino flopped onto her mattress and exhaled heavily.  _ What a dreary day of school _ , she thought. Even after going to the library, and making an appointment for a prenatal checkup at the Shinkawa Hospital, her overall day had been a bore. All she wanted was to relax a bit before preparing her dinner.  _ Or I guess, ours _ , she corrected herself in her mind. Getting accustomed to being with child was difficult.

Despite the fact that it was the reason she had woken up with the urge to throw up every morning for the past week (something she’d found mysterious up until yesterday’s discovery), it kept on slipping her mind.  _ Maybe it’s because I haven’t named the kid? Avoiding reality, huh,  _ she pondered. That train of thought had an incredibly long route, and perhaps it was way too soon to be thinking about, but she was bored beyond belief.  _ Alright, I guess I’m doing this _ , she settled.

Her right hand moved toward her face and tugged off her glasses; the first step was trust in herself. Her left hand moved down to her stomach. She gingerly tapped her fingers and smiled to herself.  _ This kid is my little miracle, so their name should be something just as rare as one,  _ she reasoned. She flipped her hair impatiently, deep in thought.

After some time, Shino had come up with two things; the mythical Tsuchinoko and the ocean’s pearls. It was an odd combination, but she didn’t dislike it; in fact, she quite liked pearls. She needed two names anyway, a boy’s name and a girl’s name. She didn’t know her child’s gender yet, so she had to be prepared.

She figured she’d use Shinju (pearl) if her child was a boy, because fuck gender roles, but was stuck on how to turn Tsuchinoko into a name. Just the creature’s name as a child’s name seemed cheap and obvious, but Shino had no idea how to derive anything from it. Maybe if she shortened it… Noko  _ could  _ be a name, if she just swapped out the hiragana character for a random kanji one. She could also give her child the nickname Nokocchi, which she thought was cute. Shino smiled to herself at that thought.

That’s when she noticed something interesting. Phonetically, her kid’s full name had a double meaning. Shinkawa Noko, assuming she could give her child that last name, ended up sounding like “child of Shinkawa”. It was the  _ perfect _ name; that way, nobody would forget who the father was. Every time someone called her for attendance in class, or at a doctor’s appointment, they’d know that she was of the Shinkawa family. Even if Kyouji never got out of jail.

_ What? Why would I think that?  _ Shino scolded herself. What a ridiculous thought. He was a first grade prisoner still awaiting trial, and a minor at that. She shook her head roughly, her temples pulsing, and quickly got up for a bottle of water. A tight feeling began bubbling in her chest. It was foreign yet so familiar; the caustic pull of dread. She reached into the plastic bag she’d thrown into the fridge and cracked open the cap, hastily drinking half of the bottle’s contents. The cool, refreshing water shook her mind just enough to calm down before getting carried away.

From the moment that the police dragged her, Kazuto, and Kyouji out of the crummy little apartment she currently lay in, Shino was convinced that Kyouji was not a murderer. He hadn’t actually injected any of Death Gun’s victims, his brother was the one whose job that was. He said it himself, and even told her he hadn’t intended to use the syringe on her.  _ He didn’t want to kill me, he didn’t want to kill me _ ; she repeated this in her mind like some sort of warped mantra. She wasn’t  _ wrong _ per se, as he did not have a crimson killing intent. In actuality, he wanted to run away with her; unfortunately, that took the form of suicidal ideation.  _ That  _ wasn’t a good thing either, but Shino clung onto the fact that it wasn’t malicious with all her might— almost dangerously so.

_ Time to think about literally anything else. Oh, maybe books I read when I was younger. Great, that’ll distract me!  _ she resolved. Shino had been a bookworm for as long as she could remember. Her love for reading probably stemmed from the bedtime stories that her mother read to her when she was little. Once she got older, and could read on her own, she had found that classic stories were her favorites. While she usually enjoyed books from overseas like  _ What’s a classic  _ and  _ The Odyssey _ , the occasional Japanese classic piqued her fancy. One such story was  _ Sonezaki Shinjū _ , an Edo period play. After reading and enjoying a more PG version, young Shino had begged her mother to let her rent the 1978 movie version from the local library. Though, this event had been buried in her memory until that moment.

That was when Shino realized that her potential son’s name had a double meaning as well. The  _ shinjū  _ part of the play’s title, spelled using the kanji for mind and center, had become synonymous with love suicide. Though the word for pearl was spelled with the kanji for truth and sphere, it sounded similar to the much more morbid word. As she lay on her bed, thoughts about her life crumpling in her mind, she came to one wretched conclusion. Shino had found herself in the shoes of the protagonists of the story she loved.

The protagonist, Tokubei, was a young man who worked at a successful shop. So, his stepmother engaged him to the shop owner’s daughter— without his permission. However, Tokubei already had a lover; a woman named Ohatsu. He begged his stepmother to call off the marriage, and she agreed, but only if he gave back the dowry money. Tokubei did so, but on his way home, his friend asked if he could borrow said money. Being a nice man, Tokubei said “yes”. But when it came time to be paid back, his friend said he’d never borrowed the money at all.

Without the dowry, Tokubei could no longer marry Ohatsu, and he became heartbroken. So, he pitched double suicide as the solution to their forbidden love. He insisted it was the only way that they could be together happily, and she agreed. In the end, they died after stabbing each other while deep in the forest. They are presumed to have been reborn into the Pure Land, as they had recited Buddhist chants in their final moments.

Double suicide. Hope of reincarnation. Kyouji had even mentioned a mountain of death during his delirious speech, just like in the play. Shino had to wonder if he, too, had read the old tale. But it wasn’t just that; Kyouji’s circumstances prior to that December day matched up with the play, too. Pressure from family. Loss of money. Back-stabbing friends. If there was a god, Shino was sure they believed that she hadn’t suffered enough.

The realization was too much for her. Dark, eerie thoughts came over her again, clawing her mind like a vice. But she couldn’t give into thoughts of other timelines, other universes, or higher powers; no, that only spelled disaster. Kyouji was proof of that. No matter how many times she shook her head, though, the thoughts wouldn’t dissipate. Her mind did this often, but never when thinking about Kyouji…

“Okay, I need to find a way to spell Noko!” Shino resolved, clapping her hands together. The loud noise distracted her just enough to move her train of thought toward the distraction that was the art of naming. She picked up her phone, and went searching away. It didn’t need to be glamorous, it just needed to be a name. Actually, something plain would be best.

Kyouji had always strived, seeked for the “best”. If it wasn’t him, he’d latch onto others. Perhaps it was a quality he forced onto himself recently, or perhaps this instinct had been ingrained within his mind for a long time. Either way, Shino did not want their child to go down that same path. Most parents wish to give their children better lives than their own, and Shino was no different.

After some time of thinking, and scrolling, she found the perfect spelling. 野子, using the kanji for field and child. Shino had to chuckle at her own  _ genius  _ move; her own last name had a word for field in it (different character, similar meaning). The name Noko would be a reminder of the child’s roots— the countryside, and a jailed boy far, far away. Such a short name, with only two characters, and yet it was the beginning of a very long story…

But if Shino and Kyouji’s child were to be a boy, his story would be one of discovering the truth behind that past. A quest for the “real” things in life, the “true real”— just like  _ his _ name’s spelling.

_ But that’s enough for today. I think I’ll make soup and stir-fry…  _

And so Shino grounded herself in the present and went back to business as usual, because she had no time to falter. With her child named, a true reality seemed to be in sight. Whatever it could be, though, the sixteen year old Shino felt it was immaterial at the moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the short chapter, I promise the next shall be longer... anyway thank you for humoring my language + history nerd self, this chapter was just a mess of exposition and character study stuff. Not even a cool flashback, darn! But I promise, introduction chapters will be over SOON and I will get into the meat of the story SOON. For now, though, I advise you keep this chapter in the back of your mind, for I like to think my writing style is just a bit like Mr. Kawahara’s... >:)


	6. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The journey has only just begun.

On Monday the 22nd, Shino visited the hospital once again. When she had gone a few days earlier to set up an appointment, the receptionist looked wary and immediately gave Shino a date. He didn’t wait for her to say when she preferred, nor did he tell her which dates were available. He simply said, “Come back Monday at 4,” with a wobbly tone. Given the strange interaction, and the fact that the appointment was so close to winter break, Shino drew a conclusion: the director of the hospital, the esteemed Dr. Shinkawa, had pulled some strings.

It was a strange thing to do, as Shino knew she had definitely not made the best impression, so she couldn’t help but be suspicious. But it worked out well for her, so she didn’t question it. She couldn’t  _ afford _ to question it. She simply checked in, waited for around half an hour, and went into a small room when she was called by an equally nervous doctor. Damn, what kind of power did hospital directors have?

The room was all white, and there was a small watercolor painting of flowers hanging on the back wall. The room was more cramped than she’d expected, but she sat down on a nearby plastic chair. The doctor who’d lead the way carefully shut the door behind them and sat in a swivel chair across from her. He cleared his throat and tapped on a clipboard with a pen. He began to ask Shino basic check-up questions.  _ This isn’t so bad,  _ she thought to herself. A few minutes later, though, she realized she’d been a bit naïve.

“Hm, okay… oh, do you take any medication?” the doctor asked, tapping his pen onto his clipboard with gusto this time. He pushed his glasses up with the end and waited for an answer.

“Huh? Oh, I take antidepressants. Sertraline,” Shino replied, needing a moment to think about it. Even after four years, sometimes it slipped her mind. It’d become so routine that she took it for granted. But she just hoped that the doctor asked for the sake of having all of her information, and that it didn’t affect anything.

“Hm, that’s not good. Taking sertraline while pregnant is… not recommended. It causes some unwanted side effects. If it’s used within the last trimester, you end up with an addicted baby. And obviously, you can’t give a newborn antidepressants, so your kid will be going through constant withdrawal. You will be able to resume taking your meds afterwards, though,” the doctor explained with a stern face. Damn it, she’d totally jinxed it.

“So you’re telling me I have to decide whether I want to keep my PTSD under control or have a fussy withdrawal baby?” Shino asked worriedly. She raised an eyebrow, visibly upset. Her tone leaned toward a joking one, but she really had no idea what to do.

“Yeah, basically. We can start weaning you off of your antidepressants now, that way you yourself won’t go through too horrible a withdrawal and still stop taking meds before the due date,” the doctor explained further. He sighed, taking note of Shino’s frantic attitude. Being a doctor meant delivering bad news all the time, and for a moment she wondered what it was like. Perhaps that’s why Kyouji resented the field so much..? No, now wasn’t the time to think about such things.

“Um, uh, well… is there anything I can do? I mean, my condition’s pretty severe, and while I’ve been dealing with it, I’m unsure if I could handle being off my meds…” Shino stumbled to admit her hardships, but managed to get all of her concerns out. While she did  _ feel _ as if her meds didn’t really help, she knew that was probably untrue. Being off them would be… dangerous, to say the least. Could she really sacrifice that much? It wasn’t too late to back out on her pregnancy.

_ But I’ll be lonely all over again,  _ a little voice sobbed in her head. That same, annoying, almost scarily dependent voice. Shino widened her eyes. She was taken aback by her own morbid thoughts. Why did her mind always go for the worst? More proof that being off her meds would be awful.  _ But I can do it! I can use  _ GGO  _ to help with my symptoms like always. I’ll rely just on that!  _ Shino shook her head. Those were not helpful thoughts at all.

“Listen, Asada-san… You don’t have to stop taking them. Nobody is going to punish you if you do, it’s just recommended. Being overly stressed is bad for your child as well, and we don’t want that. But if you have friends or family that can support you, and go to therapy, that could help. But only if you’re hell bent on not taking the drugs,” the doctor interrupted her thoughts. He said it in an almost frightful manner, but there was a shred of dignity behind it. He sounded like an actual doctor for the first time since the appointment had started. Shino felt as if a great weight was lifted from her shoulders, and she sighed.

“Thank you, that really helps… but I’m going to try. I think I can handle going off my meds… but if it gets too bad, I’ll go right back on them.” The words slipped out of her mouth effortlessly. She must’ve  _ really  _ been off her rocker, because that was not at all what she was planning on doing.

However, after thinking for just a moment, Shino realized maybe her automated response made a bit of sense. A day or so after Kyouji’s arrest, she had taken a small step toward facing her trauma. She stood up to Endou, and even held a model gun in her hand. She had mustered the courage to do so all on her own, since it was her battle to fight, but one person had been her stepping stone. Her “partner”, not in romance, but in war.

Kazuto Kirigaya would know how to help her deal with her demons. The doctor did say if she had a support system, she’d be alright.

However, that brought up a different question; could Shino tell her friends about what she was going through? She only met them online, so it wasn’t like they would be able to tell that she was pregnant. And if they asked to meet in real life in the coming months, she could just pretend that she was busy.  _ Why am I trying to hide this, though? It’s nothing to be ashamed of or anything.  _ Then, with a sigh, Shino remembered.

Kazuto Kirigaya would know how to help her, and he would stop at nothing to do so. All of his friends would. And  _ that’s _ what Shino was afraid of: worrying her overly selfless friends with her situation. There’d be questions, and constant check-ins… that’d be overwhelming. And she’d only feel worse because of it.  _ I love those idiots, but I think I’ll decide when it’s their time to worry about me.  _ Shino smiled to herself in endearing exasperation.

“Is that all you needed to ask about this matter, then? Or may I keep going with my debriefing of what the next nine months of your life will entail?” the doctor sitting in front of her asked. He looked at her and cocked his head, awaiting an answer.  _ Alright, back to business,  _ Shino thought to herself. She nodded diligently.

“Please continue.”

The appointment went on for a long time, and Shino took mental notes of everything she needed. She fidgeted around as the clock ticked, and the doctor’s words filtered into her mind. Shino was a good listener, and liked to think she was equally good at retaining information. Soon enough, the clock struck half past five and a follow up appointment the next month had been set up. With that, Shino got up, thanked the doctor, and left the hospital.

_ Shit, I have to pack… I’m going back to Tohoku soon,  _ Shino thought on the walk home. Friends were one thing, but family was another. How the  _ fuck  _ was she going to hide this from them?

Winter break 2025 would surely be interesting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I know I was gone for the whole month, but not to worry! This chapter was just really hard to write. It's the last of the preface chapters, so we're finally getting to the meat of things. Should be smooth sailing from here! I also broke 50k words, which is novel length, so there's a lot more to come!


	7. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shino goes home for break.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s a new update super soon, to make up for my long ass hiatus back there.

Winter in the countryside was frigid. There were strong gusts of wind, and it was significantly colder than the city. Though, Shino was used to it. It was where she was raised, after all. She pulled her scarf down from her mouth and breathed out. A small puff of visible air came out, and she smiled. It was a pleasant sight that gave her enough motivation to make the walk up the hill. Lugging all of her things behind her, Shino took the familiar path home.

She looked around the town curiously. Nothing had changed; the same stores lined the streets, the same houses were hidden behind corners. It was familiar, but not quite in a cozy way. It just…  _ was _ , and the dim blue night sky didn’t help with the atmosphere.  _ Let’s just go home, shall we?  _ Shino continued up the road until she saw her humble (not so humble) abode. She opened the front gate and walked on a small, stony pathway.  _ Tap, tap, tap,  _ her shoes clicked on the rocks until she found herself in front of the screen door. She then slid it open, took off her shoes, and announced,

“I’m home.”

The living room was empty, dead silent. She didn’t hear anybody working in the kitchen, either.  _ Maybe they’re asleep already?  _ Shino thought to herself. Assuming that was the case, she quietly dragged her belongings to her room. She took a left into the long side hallway. On her right was her grandparents’ room, and across from that was the bathroom. A few strides further and the left room became her mother’s, while the right room was Shino’s. She pulled open the familiar door, and…

“Welcome back, Shino!”

Her whole family was in her room, for some reason. Her grandmother wore a mask over her mouth, her mother held a broom, and her grandfather seemed to be… repairing a drawer? They all smiled at her warmly, though they looked like they’d been caught red handed.

“Hi… what’s going on here?” Shino asked, dumbfounded. She blinked a few times before setting down her luggage. Her grandmother pulled down her mask and put her hands together.

“Well, New Year’s is soon, so we have to clean. And the last time you were home, you left your room in such a mess! We figured we’d tidy it up for you so you’d have a clean room to come home to, but it seems we were a bit late,” the elderly woman explained sheepishly. The two adults next to her made similar guilty facial expressions.

“Ah… thank you very much. That drawer has been broken since March, hasn’t it? Really, thank you. And it’s good to see you again,” Shino expressed her gratitude with a soft smile. She walked across the room to hug her grandmother, then her mother, then her grandfather. It was good to be back home, and for a second she forgot the reasons her family was cleaning her bedroom. But the second she got a clearer view of the area, the drawer with a loose hinge, the books hastily shoved into the shelves, it all came flooding back. Her life before Shouichi’s meddling.

“Well, I really appreciate this, Grandma, but I’ve got it from here. I need to unpack, too, so I’ll take care of the rest,” Shino told her family. She hoped they wouldn’t be able to see through her excuse. Thankfully, they gave her the space she needed and soon shuffled outside of the room. As soon as they all left, Shino shut the door behind them and walked over to her drawer. She ran her finger over the surface, which was clear of dust.  _ Grandma’s real thorough,  _ she thought as she dropped her finger down to the first knob of the drawer. She pulled it, and the drawer came out diagonally. It was exactly as she’d left it, after having broken it just before graduating middle school. Not even a whole year had passed since then…

_ “I’m not going to the graduation ceremony. I just know they’ll dredge up the incident when they call me, as a joke or something. They did in elementary school.” _

_ “Shino, I doubt that. It’ll be fine, so please put on your uniform.” _

_ “I SAID I’M NOT GOING!” _

Shino traced her fingers over her right hand, going over each and every knuckle. In truth, the drawer was loose because she’d slammed her hand into it so hard that the old hinge broke. Of course, she’d also dinged up her hand, but it wasn’t anything a bit of gauze couldn’t handle. If she thought hard enough, Shino could vaguely recall the taste of the tea and the warmth of the blanket her grandmother had given her after the outburst.

Shino shook her head, not wishing to go back to that state of being. Instead, she turned to face her bookcase. It seemed only a few of them were returned to their proper place on the shelf, while others remained jutting out at awkward angles. From that distance, she could clearly make out the titles. Almost all of them were her favorite classics that ended in happily ever afters.

_ “Ack! I lost track of time reading these fairytales… I’m going to miss my train! I’ve got to leave  _ right  _ now!” _

_ “Shino, you’re sure antsy. You’re going home early so you can go to the fireworks festival with someone, right? Is it that Shinkawa boy?” _

_ “Maybe, maybe not. W-what does it matter, anyway? I’ll come back next break, okay? Bye!” _

_ “If he hurts you, just tell me. I’ll be ready to snap him in half at the drop of a hat!” _

_ “Grandpa, it’s not like that!” _

Shino had almost forgotten about that fireworks festival amidst all the chaos. Kyouji had invited her to it, and she agreed. It was a fun experience that allowed them to be carefree for once. How she longed for that feeling again.

“Well, Shinju or Noko, this is Tohoku. This is home… I wonder if my grandpa would actually beat up your father if he found out about you,” Shino whispered. She rested a hand on top of her stomach and smiled wearily. There would be a new Asada scampering across the hardwood floors just as Shino herself had all those years ago. A pleasant mental image filled her mind, and so she said a small “okay!” to herself. She then started unpacking her luggage while humming a short tune.

“Shino? Do you have a moment?” a voice called once she was halfway done emptying her duffel bag. She put down the AmuSphere cable she’d just pulled out, having immediately identified the voice. Behind the door was most certainly her mother.

“Yeah, I do. Come on in, Mom,” Shino replied casually. She thought the formality was strange, but it was probably nothing. With a swift pull, her mother opened the door and stepped inside. She was a dainty woman with a meek aura, but her smile had the ability to comfort anyone. Shino moved closer to her duffel bag in order to make space for the woman to sit.

“How’s everything been?” her mother asked calmly. She reached her hand over and pushed a loose strand of hair behind Shino’s ear.  _ Well, I think I recently had one of the top five worst weeks of my life, but other than that I’m fine.  _ She wasn’t going to say that.

“Pretty good, I ended the semester with high marks,” Shino prefaced, then thought a bit more before adding on, “I actually made some more friends, I might play video games with them some time this week.” So there was a silver lining to December after all, she just needed to think a little.

“That’s excellent! I’m so proud of you,” her mother cheered. She gave Shino a pat on the head, as if she were a small child. It was a nice feeling, and Shino relished in it. Unfortunately, she could only do so for so long. All of a sudden, her mother put on a pitying frown.

“W-what’s wrong, Mom?” Shino asked worriedly. Her mother just shook her head and sighed.

“I should be the one asking  _ you  _ that! Mom and Dad got a scary call from the police recently. They told me that you were fine, and when I asked  _ what _ had happened, they only said that there was a ‘small scare’. You didn’t mention any incidents, either. I’m just… concerned. You know you can tell me anything, right?” she rambled on worriedly. She glanced away, leaning her cheek into her hand, clearly overwhelmed. Shino’s eyes widened and her mouth went agape. Seeing her mother like that really  _ did  _ make her want to reveal everything.

_ But I can’t, Mom. You can’t bear seeing me hurt, and if I told you that my heart was broken, yours would surely burst. And if I told you that, in the coming months, another heart will start beating within me? I think you’d end up seeing Dad again… so, as much as I want to run into your arms and have you tell me everything’s going to be okay, I won’t say a thing. _

“There’s nothing to be worried about. I’m not in danger, I never was. It was just some stupid online hoax, but I had a lead, so the police called me in. It turned out to be fake, though, so everything’s fine,” Shino debriefed with a big grin. She smiled so hard her face hurt, and she vaguely felt tears in her eyes. It was so difficult, being fake happy.

“Thank you for telling me, Shino. I’m glad you’re safe, but please be more careful next time! If you’re going to play games with friends during break, at least make sure to brush up on your cyber security, okay?” her mother lectured her for a moment before putting on a smile herself. She hugged her daughter tightly, and Shino could feel the love passed through the embrace.  _ Shit, no, don’t cry now! _

“Shino?” her mother asked. She quickly wiped away her daughter’s tears, then looked at her pensively.

“It’s… I just missed you, is all,” Shino lied for the umpteenth time that day. She still had her cheeky smile.

“I missed you, too,” her mother said softly before getting up, “Well! I need to help Mom make dinner. Don’t get tangled in any more internet pranks while I’m gone, okay?” She chuckled to herself and left the room, practically skipping. Shino stared at the empty hallway through the door, then looked down at her knees.  _ Maybe Mom realized I needed space and left… If that’s the case, I’m glad. Because, right now, I really wish Death Gun had just been a prank like I’d originally thought. _

Shino let out a long exhale and lay down, spreading out her arms. She picked up her AmuSphere cable and plugged it into an outlet near her face. Then, she plugged the other end into the device itself. Adjusting the silver rings, she placed it over her eyes with ease. It was time to go to the world of fairies, a world where Death Gun didn’t exist.

“Link Start!”


	8. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quick rewrite of the Calibur story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on a roll with posting chapters, holy shit. Enjoy!

Sinon walked briskly through the streets of Yggdrasil City. It was a bit hard to get used to walking as a different avatar, and one with feline appendages at that, but she figured she’d grow into it soon. After all, the Cait Sith race had the best eyesight; something essential for any sniper. If it meant becoming a skilled archer in the world of  _ Alfheim Online _ , Sinon would make some sacrifices.

She’d received a message from Kirito asking if she wanted to join him and his friends on a quest. He said that there was a space open for her, since Recon, Agil, nor Chrysheight could make it. Sinon was a bit ticked off that she was a last resort to the group, but figured it was only fair. Her  _ ALO _ account was only two weeks old (a weak newbie) and Sinon barely knew any of them other than Kirito. Even so, she accepted because she needed to grind for experience points anyway.

What a damn long quest it ended up being.

It turned out that Kirito was searching for the holy sword Excalibur, and that the only way to get it was to complete the mother of all randomly generated quests. Could not clearing it in time have resulted in the complete rewriting of  _ Alfheim Online  _ as everyone knew it? Maybe, since the game  _ absolutely _ had the binary guts to do so. But, thankfully, the group of friends cleared it, and Yggsdrasil lived to see another day.

Unfortunately, the holy sword Excalibur didn’t.

Sinon had been wondering why Kirito was taking so long to jump onto Tonky. The elephant-like creature was comfortable, with bushy white fur that was soft to the touch, so it wasn’t like Kirito was reluctant out of distaste. He put on a disgruntled expression, and then, suddenly, he flung Excalibur right into the empty pit below. Sinon’s ears twitched slightly, shocked by his action, and even more so when Kirito finally jumped onto Tonky. He was so nonchalant about it— it was amazing.

_ Wait a second, though, I can do something about this,  _ Sinon thought to herself. She swiftly stood up and used her finger to open up the game menu. With two taps, the bow that Lisbeth had forged her appeared. She quickly muttered the incantation listed in the manual, pulled back the bowstring, and aimed. Excalibur fell slowly, so it was easy to keep in her sights. Tilting her bow slightly beneath where the sword appeared to be, she let go of the string.

A beam of blue light spewed out and swiveled toward Excalibur with great speed. Sinon kept her eyes on the spell she’d just cast, not letting her sight waver until she was sure it’d worked. The beam made contact with the hilt of the sword, and suddenly Sinon felt a hefty weight in her hands.  _ Gotcha,  _ she cheered herself on internally. And then, she pulled with all of her might.

She felt the weight shift toward her upper arms, but she didn’t give up for a second. The sword came closer and closer, the golden gleam reflecting clearly in her eyes. With one final, hearty tug, Excalibur flew in the air over Tonky and dropped right in Sinon’s arms. It was even heavier than it’d been during the retrieval, and she almost lost her balance. However, the rest of the party didn’t care about her stumbling.

“Sinon, that was so cool!” six wildly different voices complimented her at once. The sound was quite foreign to her, but she didn’t hate it. It was almost music to her ears, actually, so she turned to face them with a smile. They all grinned back, still in awe. Well, all except for Kirito. His face had the same disgruntled look as the moment before he’d thrown Excalibur away.

“You can have it. You don’t have to make that face,” Sinon poked fun at her friend. Within a split second, Kirito’s frown turned upside down. He quickly walked over to her, clearly excited to collect his prize.

“Thank you,” he said. It was the polite thing to do, and Sinon was glad to find out he actually had manners. But then, a devious idea came to her.  _ This is payback for pulling my tail, Kirito! _

“But before that, promise me something,” Sinon began, holding out the sword to him, “Each time you draw this sword, remember me in your heart.” She smiled as genuinely as she could, which was ironic since she was entirely faking it, and threw in a wink for good measure. Kirito’s visage switched yet again, this time to complete and utter horror. He quickly looked at the rest of the party, as if to justify himself, but he was met with cold stares.  _ Operation “make a fool out of Kirito” was a success,  _ Sinon grinned to herself. She couldn’t help but laugh a little as she heard Kirito and Klein bicker behind her.

However, there was a small part of her that meant what she said. A small part of her that whispered, from the depths of her soul, and told her to pick those exact words to fuck over Kirito with. Because December really,  _ really  _ had a shitty reputation in Sinon’s life. December 28th, the current date, was also the anniversary of her father’s death.

Sinon didn’t have any idea what her late father looked like, for there were no photos. She didn’t know what he sounded like, for there were no videos. And even if she tried to search the internet for some record of his existence, she couldn’t because she wouldn’t know where to start; she didn’t even know his name. He was a total blank in her memory, and the only clue she had as to what he was like was herself. But even then, her grandparents told her that she took more after her mother than anything.

His death wasn’t what bothered Sinon. What bothered her was that she couldn’t mourn at all, because there was nothing  _ to  _ mourn. The only reason she even knew the anniversary of his death was because, during her younger years, she distinctly remembered her mother having an annual break down on the 28th of December. But now, Sinon’s father was completely forgotten by the Asada family. In fact, she’d only remembered what day it was when she told Kirito to remember her.

_ “You’re wrong. It’s not possible for people to die alone. When someone dies, they also die within others around them. There’s already a Sinon within me!” _

Kirito certainly had a way with words. Only a few weeks ago, Sinon couldn’t care less about whether she lived or died, whether she was surrounded by others or alone. But all of a sudden, this boy, who was just like her, had made her terrified. He managed to give her such a scare that, all of a sudden, she found herself hoping with all her might that she wouldn’t be forgotten like her father was. And that, Sinon believed, was the very first time she ever mourned the man; while sitting on a fuzzy, elephant-like creature made up of zeroes and ones.

The horizon floated past her. The clear, blue sky stretched out as far as the eye could see. Sinon fixated on it, looking away from the comrades she now held dear, and decided to make a promise. It was a promise to the boy she hoped would always be her partner on the perilous road called “acceptance”, the boy she hoped would be loved as a family friend by her child some day.

_ Kirito, I’ll etch myself into your soul if it’s the last thing I do. And in exchange, I’ll etch you into mine. No hetero, of course. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Wow, a chapter where Sinon doesn't think about Kyouji or their kid for pretty much the whole chapter? Anon, what has happened to you?" Well, you see, last chapter was focused on Sinon's dynamic with each member of her family. Now, of course, that means I had to write about her dad, too. You see, before I learned that Sinon was just fucking with Kirito during the Calibur arc, I had this whole theory where she said "remember me in your heart" because her dad died near New Year's and she didn't want to end up forgotten like him. I thought that idea was absolutely poggers, and realized I could bust it out now to keep up with the family theme of chapters and do some foreshadowing all in one. "Foreshadowing? Anon, what are you planning?!" Don't worry, I'll get to it eventually! It's only another 30k words in!


	9. Chapter 8

_ Can you hear the voice causing your injuries? Remember it, as well as the past you've forgotten... _

Shino woke up in a cold sweat. Her heart beat furiously, and she gripped her chest through her shirt. She could feel each quick thump as it vibrated through her fingertips. She tried to ease her breathing at the very least, but she remained hyperventilating. It was no use, for the scent of blood and gunpowder was practically shoved up her nose.

She shut her eyes tight, so as to not see a thing. She didn’t want to see, hear, or smell. She only wanted to go back to sleep so she could get enough energy to do her break homework in the morning. She needed to be well rested in order to conquer math problems, after all. But her senses just didn’t connect with reality, no, they were stuck in the nightmare. She felt sweat gather all over her body, yet her hands felt frigid.

“Fuck, fuck, fucking hell, I hate this, I hate this… Please, me, it’s only been a week since I  _ lowered _ my dosage,” Shino cursed through gritted teeth. She clenched her jaw so tightly that her temples began to ache. It was a crap solution, but pain  _ was  _ distracting. Perhaps it’d help her dispel her waking nightmare. She hugged herself tightly and ran her hands up and down her arms. Each of her inhales were shaky, and she felt a lump form in her throat.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m doing all I can. I know you need me to stop taking my meds so you can grow healthy and strong. I know you need your mother. But I feel very weak right now,” Shino whispered in an unstable voice. Every part of her body was in pain, oh, she felt miserable. She could only hope that her child wasn’t affected. Well, they were still the tiniest bunch of cells, so they probably couldn’t feel pain. All Shino knew was that her kid needed her.  _ But what do  _ I  _ need?  _ The question struck her suddenly.

“I need  _ my  _ mother…” The epiphany struck her just as hard. Her eyes opened, then widened. If she could make the treacherous walk to the room next door, and navigate the darkness, she would be near someone who could soothe her. That was good, that was smart. So with legs that felt as if they were made of lead, Shino stumbled upward. She took one step, then another, and maybe she spaced out once or twice, but she made it! She made it to the nearby screen door and pulled it open. Then she found herself in front of another one, and opened that too.

“Shino? Is that you?” a soft voice called out. A small form turned around in the darkness, shifting where she slept.

“Y-y-yes,” Shino stuttered, then walked into the room, “I… I had a bad dream again.” She hoped that explanation would be enough for her mother. A few more steps, and she was right in front of her. The woman got up swiftly and rested her hands in her lap. Thanks to the moonlight, her face was visible. Her hair draped over her shoulders, and she had a small pout. Then, she raised her arms and hugged Shino.

“Come here… it’s okay, I’m here,” her mother said in a gentle voice. She ran her fingers through Shino’s hair and held her close. At that point, Shino finally let her tears go and began to sob violently. Each tear that fell, her mother quickly wiped away. She didn’t say anything, though, she simply let Shino cry it out. The night went on, the sounds of nocturnal creatures buzzing outside, yet the two remained still. Only when Shino’s bawling turned into slight sniffles did they part.

“Are you feeling a bit better now?” her mother asked. She moved her hands away from Shino’s back and instead held her hands.  _ They’re just as comforting as I remember,  _ Shino managed to think despite all of the haze in her mind. The palms wrapped around her own were slender but warm and soft to the touch. Now that she touched them again, she realized that Kazuto’s  _ GGO  _ avatar’s hands felt slightly different. Both made her want to be honest, though.

“Y-yeah, but… um, Mom? I… need to tell you s-something,” Shino muttered. She could feel herself start to tremble hard again. Her mother cocked her head to the side pensively.

“You can tell me anything. What is it, Shino?”

_ I’m pregnant. _

“I’m a murderer, but… I'm also your daughter. Sometimes, I think you’ve forgotten both,” Shino blurted out.  _ For fuck’s sake! All I needed to do was say two fucking words, but no!  _ Her palms grew sweaty, and a part of her thought maybe she should let go of her mother’s hands. Well, the conversation wasn’t a bad idea. The doctor said she’d need a support group if she quit her meds, so this was just her way of helping herself. Even if she was dodging the main issue at hand.

“Shino, I know you like to play those video games, but you’re not a real life killer because of it,” her mother sighed, almost as if to scold Shino. Her tone was only slightly off-put, though, as if it were all a delusion.

“No, Mom… I meant what happened in the post office… the afternoon of September 5th, 2020,” Shino clarified. She pouted, frustrated and in disbelief. The psychiatrists had told her family that her mother had a bit of trouble processing the incident, but there was no way she’d flat out forgotten the cause of Shino’s nightmare. Could she have?

“You always did like keeping track of dates, didn't you? Do you still count the number of days left until school ends?” her mother completely switched the topic. She even smiled slightly, as if Shino were a child awaiting praise for their actions. It freaked her out.

“Yes, I still do, but… No! Listen to me, Mom! The nightmares… are about that day… in the p-post office. I-if we can just talk about it, acknowledge it, maybe it can help me…” Shino pleaded. She could feel her face scrunch up as the burning sensation of frustration filled her chest.

“Shino, if that works for you, great. But I am not the same,” her mother whispered after a brief pause. Her voice was so quiet that Shino almost missed it. It almost didn’t feel real. But upon processing the words, her eyes widened.

So the repression was deliberate. Her mother  _ purposefully _ blocked out the past. She ran away from the frightful things that made her uncomfortable until she’d ran so far that she forgot what’d been chasing her. At least, that’s what Shino figured.

Which brought her to a new conclusion: just as she hadn’t been able to hear the dissonance in Kyouji’s heart, Shino had no idea what went on in her mother’s head either. She was only fixated on herself and finding an escape. She had no consideration for others, and she’d almost driven her mother off of the edge because of it. She was  _ selfish! _

_ Don’t say that. You’re a hard worker. Just because you can’t help everyone doesn’t mean you’re self-centered. You’ve done more than enough. _

A high pitched yet cool voice interrupted Shino’s thoughts. Somewhere in the back of her head, Sinon the sniper spoke to her. She was a voice of reason through everything, and she was right. Shino was hurt, and so was her mother, but their paths to recovery would be different. Even Kyouji’s would be different. But that was okay. 

_ I guess it’s true that people stop thinking straight this early in the morning. I was worried for nothing. I ought to apologize. _

“I’m sorry,” Shino mumbled softly. She squeezed her mother’s hands.

“It’s okay. You can sleep here for tonight, if you’d like,” her mother’s voice returned to a more soothing tone.

“Thank you,” Shino muttered, then hugged her mother once again. Tuckered out from all the critical thinking she’d just done, sleep quickly returned to her. The winter cold or the realm of dreams had nothing on her anymore, not when she was in her mother’s arms.

After that, winter break flew by in an instant. New Year’s weekend came and went, and all of a sudden Shino was off to Tokyo again. With her luggage in hand and train ticket on her phone, she waved goodbye to her family. They smiled at her, and she kept them in sight until they disappeared beyond the horizon.

_ Goodbye, Tohoku,  _ Shino thought to herself as she boarded the train. It was back to the grimy, noisy city for her. However, she couldn’t let herself be bittersweet yet; there was still one last thing for her to do.With a quick tap, Shino sent a single text message.

_ I think you owe me a cake, Kirito. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi hi, I really am on a roll. What is this, like the third daily chapter? Anyway, I really tried my best to expand on Shino’s dynamic with her mother (as stated in the books) this chapter. If I wrote it inaccurately, please don’t hesitate to tell me! I’m stupid tired right now. Peace!  
> OH! Also! The first line of this chapter is from Kyouji and Shouichi’s character song, ahaha.  
> SHIT, one more thing: the theme for this chapter is “everyone heals in different ways” and ends with the Kirito cliffhanger because *drum roll* they heal similarly! It’s all just a set-up for the next chapter! Hah! Bye for real now!


	10. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shino and Kazuto have a chat at Dicey.

The Dicey Café being Kazuto and his friends’ meeting place was incredibly convenient for Shino. Okachimachi wasn’t at all far from her apartment in Yushima, so travel was not an issue. She felt a bit bad for dragging Kazuto all the way out of Saitama to meet her, but he was the one treating her. He simply had to do what she asked. For that, Shino chuckled to herself as she opened the door and walked into the café.

“Waiting for Kirito? He told me he was dropping by today,” the café owner, Andrew, commented when he saw her walk in. Shino nodded and quickly sat down on a small two-seater table in the middle of the establishment. She looked over to him and sighed,

“I made sure to leave my apartment as late as humanly possible, since I live quite nearby, and he still manages to be late.” She tapped her fingertips on the wooden table impatiently. Andrew laughed heartily at that comment.

“Well, that’s Kirito for you. He’s an oddball, that’s for sure,” he replied. Shino hadn’t really gotten much of a chance to talk to Andrew before, but he seemed like a kind man. Maybe she’d stop by the café after school more often. Could give her a way to avoid Endou, too.

Suddenly, Shino started to hear the hum of a motorcycle outside in the distance. It grew closer and closer, until she heard an abrupt stop and someone parking right outside the café. Metal clanged, and then the café door chimed open.

“So sorry I’m late! Sugu was bugging me by asking where I was going and such, so it took me a bit to leave the house,” Kazuto explained as he stumbled into the café with his helmet under his arm. He had a guilty look on his face as he made his way to the table where Shino sat. He sighed, pulled out a chair, and rested his helmet in his lap once he got seated.

“Speak of the Devil,” Andrew laughed from his place at the counter. Kazuto flung his head around to face the man and pouted at him. It was Shino’s turn to chuckle, now; their interaction was amusing. It was clear that they were all friends and it was a nice change of pace, after everything they’d gone through.

“Doesn’t change the fact that you’re treating me today, Kirito,” Shino huffed in a self-important manner. She put her hands on her hips and stared at the boy across from her. She had to hold in more laughter in order to keep her performance serious.

“Right, right,” Kazuto mumbled, “Just nothing that kills my wallet. I don’t have much of the money that Kikuoka gave me left. I should have enough for one slice of cake.” He looked down at his hands, as if he were an ashamed puppy dog.  _ You’re making it mighty hard to make fun of you with a straight face, Kirito!  _ He just looked so silly.

“Fine, I’ll spare you. I’ll let you pick the cake, price doesn’t matter, as long as you promise it doesn’t taste rancid. Though, I trust Agil’s cooking, so maybe I’m being too nice,” Shino posed an offer to her pitiful friend. She finally let herself smirk as she watched Kazuto’s eyes widen.

“N-n-no, that’s a good compromise! I swear I won’t order you something gross, I’m not Kikuoka,” he sputtered, clinging onto the one hope he had for his finances. He waved his arms around as if to stop her from changing her mind, then pointed at the menu on the table. His finger landed on a picture of a small slice of cheesecake.

“Here! This one, Kathy’s really good at making this one, and it’s simple enough to be cheap,” Kazuto exclaimed. He was sweating bullets, which made Shino let out a small giggle. She peered at the cake on the menu and squinted. She scrutinized it, deeming whether it sufficed (also known as screwing with Kazuto). Finally, after a minute of silence, she determined,

“Looks good to me. The walnut crust is enticing.” Kazuto let out a huge sigh of relief. It was so dramatic that, finally, Shino gave up and cracked up. Her shoulders rose up and down, following the rhythm of her laughter. Even Andrew chimed in, who’d come over to their table to give them tea and coffee. Kazuto’s ears went red and his face scrunched up.

“You got me, you totally got me. Man, how do I always fall for your tricks? I ought to pull your tail again for this,” he grumbled bitterly. He crossed his arms like a little kid and stuck out his tongue at her. But something about that  _ really  _ ticked Shino off.

“Hey, dickhead! That wasn’t fucking funny, I’ll have you know! Keep acting like that and maybe I  _ will  _ rob you blind,” she spat back at him. The joking tone she’d had back when she was simply teasing Kazuto was nowhere to be found. It had surpassed ribbing and turned into a genuinely angered statement. Her head felt fuzzy, so she barely noticed Kazuto’s shocked visage until he spoke up.

“Uh… I’m sorry? Did I go too far?” he asked sheepishly. Even when in the wrong, he still doubted himself. Shino found that admirable, but it also made her feel guiltier.

“N-no,  _ I _ did. I’m sorry, that must’ve sounded super rude. I think this might be a part of my withdrawal,” she quickly apologized, pinching her nose bridge. She didn’t think she’d grown dependent on her medications, especially since they seemed to have no effect, but she soon paid the price. It had been a groggy week full of slightly rude outbursts thus far. Of course, Kazuto was out of the loop.

“Withdrawal from what, marijuana?” he probed, half joking but half serious. He knew his friend took medication for her PTSD; he did, too, and they’d talked about it once. However, Shino still hadn’t told him she was expecting, thus he had no idea why she’d stop taking it.

“From my ANTIDEPRESSANTS, smart ass!” she yelled anyway. That must have been the hormones, as the withdrawal only made her more drowsy and irritable; what a double whammy. Her poor friend was still very confused.

“Wait, you’re off your meds? Why?” Kazuto asked, genuinely stunned.  _ Oh shit _ , Shino thought. It had just come out so naturally, she forgot that he didn’t know. And the reason why… she couldn’t tell him that. He was one of her closest friends, and she couldn’t afford to worry him with her… family matters. She knew he’d try to get involved somehow, some way, so she quickly put together an excuse.

“Not completely yet, just lowering the dose… Uh, my doctor wanted to try putting me on a different medication? I don’t know why, since I’ve been on sertraline for… five years now. But it is how it is,” Shino stumbled, trying to act natural. She looked up at the ceiling, adding a nonchalant huff to the end of her sentence. Her friend seemed to buy it.

“Huh, that’s weird. Doctors sure are something else…” Kazuto replied, “Especially those in training.” He mumbled the last bit under his breath, so quietly that Shino almost didn’t catch it.  _ What was that?  _ she thought. She hoped she hadn’t heard him correctly. It couldn’t possibly be a snide remark against Kyouji, could it?

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Shino asked, using a mocking tone to mask it as a joke. She took a sip of her tea, the warm liquid relaxing her mind and body.

“I’m sorry, I have no idea why I said that. I’m usually not  _ that _ bitter. Totally out of place, please don’t kill me,” Kazuto replied quickly, waving his hand. It seemed as if he were trying to escape the conversation. He picked up his coffee cup and drank vigilantly, and didn’t set it down for a while. Shino, however, grew cross and was not going to let up because of that sorry excuse of a distraction. As soon as Kazuto set the mug down, she asked,

“About what? Do tell.” Her tone was snippy. Her friend winced and sighed guiltily.

“About… Death Gun. Really, I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me. I don’t usually joke about serious stuff, even to distract myself from the severity of the situation,” Kazuto explained, looking away. Perhaps he didn’t want to look Shino in the eyes after saying something so cruel, which was a good choice. She stared daggers into him.

“Yeah, for good reason. Don’t joke about those things, you’re gonna start sounding like an asshole,” Shino scolded, crossing her arms. She tried to sound as composed as possible, but there were still some quivers in her voice. Kazuto, someone she trusted, had a tongue sharp enough to say things like that. He’d dissed Kyouji behind his back.

Would Kazuto start to diss  _ her  _ if she told him that she had committed adultery with Kyouji? Or worse, would Kazuto hate the child who was a result of said act? Shino rubbed her forearms up and down, suddenly feeling off. There was nothing that terrified her more than being shunned by those close to her. She’d gotten enough mean looks to last a lifetime, and she didn’t need to get them from the one person she could relate to.

She  _ could _ always relate to Kazuto, right?

That was the reason that Shino told him about her antidepressants so easily. It was the reason that she‘d taken a liking to him during the Bullet of Bullets despite his awful first impression. She could sense the solidarity between them and was drawn to it. Without Kazuto, she’d be at a loss. Maybe she’d even be like Kyouji. Suddenly, she remembered something quite important.

_ The support system… That’s the reason I called Kirito here in the first place.  _ Because  _ I relate to him. He’s just like me, so he would know what to do. That’s what I’d thought, at least. Even if he stops respecting me, I think I can still ask him for help. He’s the one who said acknowledgment is key…. I think I’ve got just the thing. _

“Hey, are you okay? You seem a bit out of it. Crap, if I triggered you in any way—” Kazuto’s bumbling was just enough to snap her out of it, and so she told him her idea.

“No, I was just… thinking. But since you mentioned triggers and stuff… well, since I’ll be… changing my prescription, I ought to try another method to help with my attacks. So, uh… do you have any action movies I can borrow?” Shino asked nervously. It wasn’t the worst thing she’d come up with. She was able to hold a model gun for once, so looking at guns in movies should not be as difficult anymore. At least, that was her guess. Kazuto’s eyes widened.

“Phew, I’m glad you’re okay. Um, I think I can help with that. I’ve got the box set of all the Die Hard movies, if that helps? I’d be happy to lend it to you,” he suggested, pausing for a moment to think. He settled on the best option he had to offer and gave Shino a small smile.  _ You may have a sharp tongue, but deep down, I know you’re too kind. _

“Oh, I’ve heard of that series. I really appreciate it, thank you so much,” she accepted Kazuto’s idea and nodded. She gave him a small smile; it was the least she could do. The conversation had been salvaged from the ashes and so her heart felt at ease once again.

“No problem,” Kazuto replied with a brilliant grin. That was the dork she knew. No drama, no teasing, no fear. Just plain old Kazuto Kirigaya.

“Ahem, now who wants cheesecake?” Andrew interrupted from the counter. He held a small plate with a slice of cake on it in his hands. He didn’t seem to mind the heavy conversation, which Shino was thankful for.

“Bring it over here!” Kazuto called while waving his hand.  _ Definitely plain old Kirito,  _ Shino thought to herself. With a sigh, Andrew walked over to the table and set the plate down. Shino felt her mouth water upon seeing the dessert. It was fluffy yet simple, the perfect pastry for her.

“Dig in. It’s my treat, after all,” Kazuto said as he handed her a fork. She took it with a grin, and the conversation regained high spirits. She’d take a bite of the cheesecake, Kazuto would mention  _ ALO _ , he’d take a sip of his coffee, Shino would bring up  _ GGO _ . They made arrangements for a follow-up meeting later on, but they enjoyed the rest of the afternoon as happy-go-lucky friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feeling... lazy, so no triple checking this chapter. Think a quick double check is okay for tonight. Anyway, this chapter’s 2k words which is longer than usual! You are very welcome! Oh yeah, also, like last chapter, please tell me if I wrote shit wrong. This time, I was going off of a friend’s experience and not just the book, so hopefully it’s a bit better, but if not, please let me know! Night!


	11. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new discovery leads to a new opportunity.

After Shino’s two meetups with Kazuto, January passed by slowly and uneventfully. School days drifted by like a dream, Endou and her cohorts had given up on their extortion for the time being, and the two online games Shino visited often remained peaceful. On the other hand, February began with a bang. On Monday the 2nd, Shino returned to the hospital for one of her many, many upcoming appointments.

“Please, Shinkawa-san. You don’t have to do this on top of giving me money, I can pay for this on my own,” she insisted, trying to be polite. The middle aged man huffed and crossed his arms.

“My wife insists. I don’t wish to accompany you either, but this _is_ my grandchild. We need to check if everything’s alright there,” Dr. Shinkawa explained, then pointed to Shino’s midsection. Her cheeks burned slightly, embarrassed that he’d point that out so nonchalantly. Maybe he was unfazed because he was a doctor? Either way, he still hadn’t taken a liking to Shino, though she didn’t mind. It made her feel less guilty about taking his money. However, _this_ was a bit dramatic; offering Shino an ultrasound for the very low price of _zero_ yen.

“That’s not what I meant, I’m talking about the cost! Please let me pay, otherwise this will count as nepotism,” she implored. The director scoffed.

“ _You_ are not my family. Ergo, it cannot be nepotism.” There it was again; his dislike of the girl was loud and clear. It hit her harder than it should have, a stinging feeling growing in her chest, but he did make a point. Giving up, she sighed and followed him toward an examination room. The two sped down the hospital halls, their footsteps clicking loudly against the multicolored tiles. Eventually, he stopped in front of a white door and led her in. The room had a green motif, with drawings of plants etched into the wall tiles. She figured it was to calm down nervous parents, which it definitely did. A different doctor greeted them and began to open the numerous drawers that lined the walls, searching for the correct materials. She pulled out a small bottle of gel and walked over to where Shino sat on the medical bed.

“Lift up your shirt,” the new doctor ordered. Shino choked on her own spit and glanced at Dr. Shinkawa. He was unfazed by the order due to his job but, to Shino, it was incredibly awkward. She did as told, though, and the doctor put the gel on her abdomen. It was surprisingly warm, though it might have been from the machine being used, and it was a strange texture. The doctor then turned on a monitor, and an image came up. Shino craned her neck and peered at the projection. There was movement, though she couldn’t tell what was going on. It was just blurry monotone splotches to her. Quite frankly, it squicked her out a bit.

“Woah, that’s inside my body?” Shino commented. She was indifferent to science and related fields, only becoming somewhat invested in technology because of _GGO_. Medical subjects always left a sour taste in her mouth, given the fact that no psychiatrist had been able to help her through her PTSD. She was more artistically inclined, more of a bookworm, anyway. So even though the sonogram perturbed her, it fascinated her as an outsider. She gazed in awe; Dr. Shinkawa, on the other hand, was used to the scene. He huffed as he watched his employee adjust some settings, repeating the familiar process once again.

“Aaand there’s the heartbeat. Everything sounds fi— Wait, what’s that?,” the doctor cut herself off and frantically raised the volume on the monitor. She listened closely, almost pressing her ear to the speaker. For every two beats, another butted in out of tempo. Shino’s own heartbeat accelerated, growing concerned for her child. She squirmed around, trying to get closer to the monitor.

“I-Is something wrong?” she asked, choking up. She was on the verge of panic, and looked carefully as the doctor tapped her machinery. She pressed the keyboard a few times, and moved the monitor around. Her nose almost touched it, and she squinted for a moment before leaning back in her chair. Dr. Shinkawa, who stood on the side, watched the screen so diligently that it reflected in his eyes and glowed brightly.

“No, nothing’s wrong,” he said with an uncharacteristically warm smile of relief, “Unless, of course, having twins is a problem for you.” His kindness was short lived and a snide remark taking its place. Shino was about to call him out when she processed what he’d said. She and Kyouji would be parents of _two_. Her eyes widened and she pressed her fingertips into her glasses; the same miserable shock she felt some three months ago returned. Kyouji had said that he wanted kids, plural, but she figured their second born would come later in life. Another headstart, she figured. Her panic subsided a bit, part of it even turning into slight joy, but she still felt a bit iffy.

That was because one problem remained. She felt bad about asking the Shinkawa family for any more money, but since Shinju or Noko had become Shinju _and_ Noko, she needed to. There _had_ to be another solution; she twirled her hair around her fingers. How to earn money on her own… _oh,_ it was obvious. She’d get a job. Shino chuckled to herself; how silly it was that she’d forgotten that simple solution. But that posed another question.

Who would hire a sixteen year old who could not do much work due to pregnancy and school? What employer in all of Japan would sacrifice that much? The answer was closer than she thought; the Dicey Café. She’d only known Andrew for a couple of months, but she had gathered that he was a kind person. Kazuto told tales about how selfless he had been in _SAO_ , and the fact that he let the teenagers hang out in his establishment was proof of this nature as well. With a plan in mind, she hopped off the hospital bed and got ready to leave.

“Thank you very much, doctor. You too, Shinkawa-san. I am going to head out now, but your help is always appreciated,” Shino expressed her gratitude with a bow. The director simply huffed, packed his things, and opened the door for her as they both exited the room. It seemed she’d need to put in more effort if she wanted to see that rare smile again, but that was a task for another day. From there, they parted ways, and she sped down the white-walled halls and out the glass doors.

Okachimachi wasn’t too far from the hospital, either, so the trip was short enough that her school-issued Suica card lasted the commute. As she passed through narrow alleyways, she remembered the time that Kyouji saved her from Endou. He had wanted to walk Shino home from school every day to help her avoid the dangerous delinquents. While it turned out that Kyouji’s mannerisms— borderline stalking— were deluded, Shino believed that his intentions were in the right place. _He probably only picked up the… tracking habit from his idiot brother,_ she inferenced. In the end, Kyouji only wanted to protect Shino from literal gangsters and act as a safety net. That’s right; a job at the Dicey Café (if she got it) would simply be a safety net as well. With newfound courage, Shino followed the map on her phone and marched over to the café.

A faint jingle rang out as she pushed open the door. Andrew, the owner, looked up from the glass he’d been wiping down. His eyes widened slightly when he saw Shino, not expecting her, but he greeted her with a polite smile.

“Hey there, Sinon. This is a surprise, what brings you to my little ol’ shop today?” he asked, berating his store just a little to sound friendly. Shino allowed herself a chuckle. The introduction had gone well enough, so she took small steps over to the counter and prepared herself for the grandiose request. After placing herself in a gritty stool, she rested her hands on the familiar wooden counter and took a deep breath.

“Are you hiring?” she asked in a small voice. She began to bow, about thirty degrees, until Andrew stopped her by putting a glass in front of her. She flung her head up at him. _Why did he stop me?_ He had a concerned look on his face and crossed his arms.

“Not particularly. What’s wrong?” he replied. His voice was gentle; she could tell he had a soft spot for the younger ones in his gaming party. Given by his use of the word “particularly”, Shino could tell she’d earn the job if she picked the right words. It felt wrong, like some sort of manipulation, but what could she do? It felt just as wrong to keep relying on Dr. and Mrs. Shinkawa. So, slowly, Shino stood up.

“Um… please don’t tell the others,” she took off her jean jacket and put a hand over her stomach, “but uh… I’m… pregnant.” The words came out in small chokes, and she was almost unable to finish the sentence. She wasn’t quite visible yet, but thankfully her gestures told all. Andrew’s face somehow grew more concerned, though surprise was mixed in. He opened his mouth a few times, but it always shut tightly again. He quickly excused himself for an executive discussion with the other owner of the Dicey Café, his wife Kathy. The way he scampered off into the back of the business pained Shino. She threw her jacket back on.

She pondered as to why her voice got caught in her throat back there. Was she afraid of judgement? No, she’d learned to brush off snide remarks a long time ago. Was it because she cared about them? That had to be it; she had finally gotten the friends she’d always wanted, the friends she had wanted in Endou and her lackeys. Andrew was more of a mentor than a friend, but he was undoubtedly a part of the close knit group Shino had wiggled her way into. If things turned sour with him, the rest of them could possibly turn to shunning. Her palms grew sweaty.

“Are you free Sunday nights?” Shino’s head jerked up, and her heart rate slowly returned to a resting pace. Andrew had come back fairly quickly; was it that simple of a conversation? He cocked his head to the side, waiting for an answer.

“Oh! Sorry, uh, yes! I’m free Sunday nights!” she sputtered, finally processing his words. _Does that mean… he’s really going to hire me?_ As if he read her mind, he threw an apron her way. She caught the piece of fabric clumsily, not having expected the throw.

“You know how to cook, right?” Andrew asked, making sure. Despite the wary question, though, he grinned.

“Yes, I make my own meals,” she replied humbly. She held the dark blue apron in her hands, inspecting it. It smelled of coffee, bitter yet cozy. It was made of soft cloth and had minimal stains, so it seemed comfortable enough. She tied the strings behind her neck and got up, seeing how it fit. It was very large on her, going past her knees. Andrew burst into laughter, which was more like a haughty roar for him. He continued for a good while, and Shino joined in with giggles, until he eventually wiped his eyes and got back to business.

“You’re going to have to learn how to cook American food, but you seem like a fast learner. You’ll be serving the café’s hits in no time,” he explained. It was true; a majority of Dicey Café’s appeal was that it served food from the Southern part of the United States. Shino gulped, feeling the pressure. She had gotten a lot better at cooking as of late, but it would be the same as going from guns to bows in video games. All food had similar prospects, but could she really adapt?

“Here’s a little secret: you can cook these dishes sloppily and they’ll still taste good,” Andrew whispered. The comment, which Shino figured was likely a white lie, caught her off guard. She took a step backward, but came to her senses and looked at her new boss. At that moment, she realized that all her uncertainty stemmed from the bigger matter at hand; where her life was going. Perhaps the lack of balance was what made her second guess her every move. Andrew must’ve noticed, and reassured her in his own Agil way. He held out his fist into a thumbs up. It was as if he were letting her know everything, not just her culinary attempts, would be alright. And it was, so Shino was able to return to a semi-normal life.

Except, February decided to go out with a bang as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was mostly editing, as I'd written this aaaaages ago, so thankfully I'm posting this at not 4 AM! Yeah, 2 AM is still kind of a shit time to post, but alas. Suica is like a Japanese Metrocard (everyone knows what that is, right) FYI. The tricky part of this chapter was figuring out dates and researching medical shit. On that note, I've got to say, ultrasounds fucking SUCK! No, I'm not expecting, I'm sixteen so that'd be crazy-- aaand I just realized this story is about Shino, a sixteen year old, being pregnant. (TMI alert) Anyway, I got an ultrasound for my kidney or something once and it felt so grossssss! The gel is hot and sticky and that's my least favorite temperature and texture (super bugged by that stuff) so it was a nightmare. My kidney or whatever was fine, too, so it was POINTLESS! Well, not pointless, because I was able to write this chapter accurately I guess.  
> Well, peace! I may or may not post later tonight because the next chapter's already written, too.


	12. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This time, it’s Kirito and the gang’s turn to make a discovery.

_Clang!_

Swords crashed against each other. The distant mumble of spells were overshadowed by the noise, which was good in a sense. It meant that their enemies had no idea what was coming next. The group of eight had strategically coordinated each of their movements and positions. The rival team was no match for them. The three remaining opponents were reaching their limit, panting and covered in red marks. It was time for the grand finale.

“Sinon!” Kirito called, signifying her attack. He turned his head to look at her. From the cliff she was perched on, she nodded, and pulled back her bowstring. A special skill that fired three arrows, one she’d been working on, would win the fight. One finger let go, then another, and then…

_Bzzt! Kzzt!_

Sinon’s avatar glitched in and out of existence, her equipment clattering onto the ground. The battle froze, Kirito waving his arms and calling time out. Pixels fazed out slowly, and then the sniper disappeared. A single notification popped up in her place; “Disconnected”. Almost immediately, Kirito opened a menu and dismissed the battle. He apologized to the team they were fighting, bowing forty-five degrees, and promised to set up a new battle date. As all seven remaining members logged out, one of their opponents muttered,

“This blows. One kid logs off and the rest go with her? Jeez.” He clicked his tongue.

“True, your average VRMMO player would chalk it up to bad wi-fi. But you know, those kids are _SAO_ survivors. A disconnect like that signals the worst in their broken minds,” his teammate explained. It was true; moments after it happened, it was obvious they were trying to stifle their panic. The three members sighed, and walked off into the forests of _ALO_.

Kazuto’s eyes blinked open and immediately palmed his AmuSphere. Once he got a good grip, he tore it off and grabbed a jacket off of the floor. He threw it on and ran out of his room. He almost bumped into his sister, who was also rushing, on the way out.

“Suguha, get our helmets! We’re taking the bike,” he said as he stomped down the stairs. He swung the door open, the cold wind slamming it against the wall, for which he apologized to his confused mother. She didn’t question it, though, as it was a Sunday; the teens were allowed to go out. Kazuto turned on and then revved up the engine of his motorcycle and waited for Suguha to board. He handed her his helmet, put on her own, and the two zipped off to the Asada residence.

When the Kirigaya siblings arrived at the apartment door, Asuna was already there. She was shuffling outside of the apartment, knocking lightly and pressing her ear to the door. However, the more rambunctious Kazuto immediately took to banging on the door. His fists burned as he slammed the hardwood, making a racket in the hallway.

“Sinon! Hey, Sinon!” he was yelling when his girlfriend pulled him by the shoulder. She looked at him with furrowed eyebrows and pursed lips, scolding him with her eyes. He was confused, raising his own eyebrows, but stopped.

“Put your ear by the door,” Asuna whispered. Kazuto ignored his panic for a moment and did as told. He pressed his ear against the door, the coolness of the wood making him flinch. He focused as hard as he could, trying to block all other sounds. It reminded him of his _SAO_ skill, but halted that train of thought, as it would distract him. Soon, Kazuto heard a faint retching from inside the apartment. He gasped, the horrible noise catching him off guard.

“Sinon..?” he called out, much weaker than before. A toilet flushed loudly in response, soon followed by weak and uneven footsteps. The three teenagers huddled outside eagerly stepped closer to the door.

“Go away,” a raspy voice ordered, to their dismay. They exchanged glances, not expecting coldness. Asuna tapped the side of her face, trying to think of what to do. Suguha meekly kicked the air, expecting her brother to come up with a plan. Kazuto sighed into his hands, unable to do so. Was Shino mad at the group? Had they done something wrong in battle? None of them knew. Soon enough, Keiko and Rika arrived together to join the pondering. Some ten minutes had passed and they had taken up seats on the floor when Asuna finally spoke.

“Sinonon, we know you’re in there. Listen, we all came because we were worried about you. Disconnecting like that is a big thing to us, to you. I’m sorry if it seems like we’re prying, and we’ll leave if you’d like. But know that if you need help, we’ll always be here for you,” she spoke into the peephole. Her words were sincere, and the way she pressed her palm against the door made it look as if she were reaching out toward her friend. The other four silently clapped at the speech, touched by Asuna’s words. However, the group had no idea if it worked or not. They grew antsy, the panic they’d felt before returning, until they heard more footsteps. Their heads shot toward the direction of the door.

_Click!_

A lock came undone, and the door slowly creaked open. The five teens got up and looked inside; there was Shino, looking a bit ill, in the entryway. Immediately, Kazuto tried to force his way through the thin space she’d cracked open. The edge of the door slammed on his nose, leaving him stumbling backward into his girlfriend’s arms. He groaned in pain and rubbed his face. Rika and Keiko giggled at his misery.

“That’s what you get, Kazuto,” Suguha scolded, shaking her head, “and now you might have cost us our visit with Sinon.” She made a point, thus Kazuto looked up wearily. He blinked a few times, then sighed. He needed to work on impulse control; Asuna patted his head as if to comfort him. He felt bad about it, and the other two girls had ceased their laughter at the loss. They were back at square one, and knew the speech wouldn’t work again. They were about to turn back, go home, when the door opened all the way.

In the hallway of the small apartment stood their friend Shino, whose hair was disheveled and form was weak. Pale skin and shaky fingers made her look like a ghost, which was shocking. But the most surprising part was her stomach. Her shirt clung tightly enough to her body that a small bump was visible. The faces of her five friends soon twisted into several kinds of disbelief. Shino didn’t respond, though; she simply pointed further into the apartment, beckoning them inside. Their voices caught in their throats, they could only do as told and sat down on the floor around the stout wooden table.

“Why didn’t you tell us..?” Keiko spoke first, pouting. Being the youngest of the group, it made sense that she didn’t understand. She still hung on to a bit of innocence; she couldn’t process such a complicated topic.

“I figured it’d be easier if I kept it a secret,” Shino replied, putting a hand over her stomach, “I thought it’d make things less complicated.” She avoided eye contact, staring off into space instead. Her eyes were dim, but not from shame. Shino simply seemed… irritated. Something uncalled for had just occurred, after all.

“I was planning to tell you afterward, tell everyone afterward. I just didn't want to worry you all with my health. I assure you, I’m fine,” she continued, answering their concerned gazes. The five sighed in relief; as Shino had predicted, telling them only caused her to become a burden. Thankfully, their worry was short lived.

“So the disconnect was just bad internet? Sorry to barge in and make you reveal this,” Kazuto apologized. He bowed, pressing his forehead into the tea table. The other three girls chuckled, surprised by how dramatic he was. However, Shino shook her head in response.

“No, it was morning sickness. It’s been pretty bad lately. The AmuSphere sensory processors are over the top, though you’re a nerd so you probably know that, so I got forcibly logged out before I could puke on myself. I thought I could hang on until I shot my arrow, but I guess not,” she explained. She sighed, clearly embarrassed at her rookie mistake. Her friends, however, decided to take the blame for themselves.

“We can stop playing Sunday mornings and move it to Sunday nights, if that works for you?” Suguha suggested. She reasoned nights because she had kendo practice in the afternoon, so she put her fingers to her chin.

“No, no. I play Sunday mornings because it’s my only free time. I work at the Dicey Café on Sunday nights,” Shino huffed, dismissing the idea. Suddenly, her friends’ jaws dropped.

“ _That’s_ your part time job? You told _Agil_ but not us?” they admonished in unison. As they all moved in closer to scold her, she covered her face with her hands. The drama, however, made her giggle behind her fingertips. Soon, the five joined her, and the kids were kids once more. Not players, not survivors, just children. Smiling, chatting and gossiping together. It was everything that Shino had wanted since _the incident_ occurred. And so, tears poured out of her eyes.

“That’s weird. It shouldn’t, but something about this right now feels normal,” she whispered to herself, though her voice was clear enough that the others could hear. Her female friends quickly shuffled over to her, wrapping their arms around Shino and giving her warmth. However, Kazuto was unable to move his legs. The memory of pain due to colliding with a jaw filled them. The situation, Shino’s silent tears, felt eerily familiar. He connected the dots, and asked,

“Hey… the father… he wouldn’t happen to be Shinkawa Kyouji, would he?” For someone who’d be turning eighteen later that year, he sounded like a frightened young boy. His face was warped into some mix of pity, plight, and an urge to protect. He and Shino had become great friends; their dynamic was both a fiery rivalry and a healing process. He’d grown to care for her, in a sibling-like way. So when it became clear that the boy who tried to kill them both could possibly crawl back into their lives, Kazuto’s mind and body rejected the realization.

* * *

“Yes.” His eyes widened, as if the words had pierced his brain and caused it to grow fuzzy. The first person to slowly draw away from Shino was Asuna, albeit more out of concern for her shaken boyfriend. Then Suguha, his sister. And finally, Keiko and Rika stepped backward and pulled their arms away. They all stared at Shino, with a similar expression as Kazuto. Was it judgement? Fear? Something about her friends’ faces reminded Shino of the school children back in Sancho-me, the ones who made her view her own hands as stained with blood. _Damn it, Kirito! You asshole,_ she thought as a familiar bitterness washed over her.

“Wait, wait, wait!” Kazuto exclaimed, breaking the silence. He still looked perturbed, but also deep in thought. His eyebrows furrowed as he asked,

“How… long?”

“Huh? Uh, about ten weeks,” Shino replied hastily. It was a simple question, so she didn’t have her guard up. But as soon as the number fell out of her mouth, Kazuto put on a calculating look. Shino practically saw the mathematical equations, though simple, run through his head. And then, he arrived at another conclusion.

“N-no way… so I came too late after all…” Kazuto muttered, punching his knee, “The Bullet of Bullets… It's been about ten weeks since then, too. Sinon… just what did that bastard do to y—” A fist pummeled straight into his jaw before he could finish his gruesome thought. He would have flown backward into the pipe bed had Asuna not caught him.

“I’m tired of people asking me that! The cops, the Shinkawas, everyone! Hasn’t it occurred to anyone that maybe I actually _do_ like Kyouji? That talking about the Death Gun incident pains me not just because I could have died but because he got locked away? Kirito, I don’t think I ever told you, but on that day, I wasn’t crying out of fear! I was crying because I realized I had lost _the one person I cared about the most!_ And to Death Gun, of all people!” Shino screamed, baring her teeth. Her knuckles tingled, a reaction well deserved of her forceful punch. She didn’t know she was capable of beating Kazuto up, at least in the real world. He began to bleed from the lip as he groaned in Asuna’s arms. Soon, Shino was transported back to that December day as well.

She’d used that same hand to push Kyouji away, to throw him back so hard that he bit his tongue. She remembered the red liquid oozing out of his mouth, dripping onto the floor. Shino peered over to where he had landed; there was still a small bloodstain on the vinyl tile. And then, all of a sudden, a familiar sensation washed over her. Darkness crept in from the corners her shaky vision, and out of the depths crawled…

“Get out,” Shino croaked, shaking her head. Her vision slowly came back to her, and she could see Asuna pulling up Kazuto and covering his bloodied chin with her hand. Suguha gave her an icy glare, while Keiko and Rika shifted their glances between Shino and Kazuto as if they were trying to pick sides. What was that? None of the six knew. The only certain thing was that Shino’s palms were sweating rampantly and her eyes seemed to be lost somewhere. Nobody wanted to leave her in that state, but it was the only option. Soon enough, Shino was the only one in the apartment.

She flopped onto her pipe bed and buried herself in her sheets. She brought her fingers up next to her face, which were still damp with tears. In the corner of her eyes, Shino noticed a light bruise on her knuckles. The morose feeling creeped back, so she squeezed her eyes closed to fight it off. It was as if she was panicking over _the incident_ from when she was eleven, even though she was recalling that December day. Suddenly, a grim thought entered her mind. What if that day had become _another_ incident that tormented her mind?

Shino began to hyperventilate and breathed into her covers. Had her biggest fear come true? Had she come to see _those eyes_ in Kyouji? She shook her head frantically; no, it was too late to think those things. Shino lowered a hand to her stomach, clutching it gently. She wanted so badly to shrug off the feeling, for them. However, she’d lost all of her energy and was unable to get up from the bed. Something cryptic was keeping Shino in place. The hours ticked by until it was time for her to go to work. The following week passed just as eerily, and February became March.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BOOM, what’d I tell ya? Managed to double update today! This whole chapter was already written, I just had to thorougly edit it. I fucked up with head hopping a BUNCH here, so it was really difficult to fix! But I did it, you’re welcome! Hope it was an interesting chapter full of ~spicy drama~ for you telenovela likers.


	13. Chapter 12

Shino sipped her warm coffee, the smooth liquid calming her down. She brewed it herself, though it came out poorly. She’d dumped four packets of sugar into the mug, though, so at least it was no longer bitter. She currently sat at the bar of the Dicey Café, taking her break.

“I heard you socked Kirito in the face,” Andrew inquired as he wiped down a cup. Shino groaned and dragged her empty hand down her face. There it was, the question of the day.

“Yeah… things aren’t really going so well between us,” she replied, then took a large swig of her coffee to prevent further conversation. It was true; she hadn’t messaged him at all, nor did they meet up and play  _ ALO _ together after school anymore. Shino lightly kicked the metal beam of the stool she was sitting on, growing bitter and not wanting to talk about it. But despite her best intimidation efforts, Andrew continued the conversation.

“Why, did he beat you in a video game?” he joked, though his face did not show amusement. She couldn’t tell whether that was out of concern or because he couldn’t make comedic expressions. Shino pressed a fist down onto the wooden bar.

“No, of course not. I would never lose to him. He was just saying stupid things, as usual. Stupid Kirito,” she huffed. Suddenly, she was riled up again. Though her memory of that apartment visit was blurry, the anger she felt remained. Unbeknownst to her, though, this was Andrew’s strategy to get her to talk. She was known to open up in fits of anger, and Kazuto had told that to Andrew.

“What kind of stupid things?” he pried. He hung the glass on a dish rack, then grabbed another one to wipe down.

“About… Kyouji. I-I mean, I know he was part of Death Gun, and I don’t expect Kirito to forgive him. But that doesn’t give him the right to belittle  _ my _ choice with  _ my _ life! If he’s worried or something, he should go worry about somebody else! I’m not an idiot, I know what I’m doing,” Shino ranted, losing sight of her surroundings. She stared into her coffee cup, watching the liquid swish around. Steam rose up into her eyes and warmed parts of her work apron. Silence soon fell over the bar as Andrew composed an opinion. Kazuto had told him his side of the story earlier that day, so he decided to play mediator. He cared for both kids as if they were his own and didn’t want them to fight forever.

“You are justified in thinking that way. He shouldn’t judge you for your choices, you’re right. But I don’t think that’s what he’s doing, nor do I think he’s trying to protect you. I think Kirito’s just acting on instinct. You weren’t the only one hurt that day, you know,” he finally replied. His voice was smooth and deep, like a mentor’s would be. But despite the softness of his words, they hit Shino hard. She choked on her drink, sputtering her coffee back into her cup. Her eyes widened and gleamed with guilt.

“I never thought about it like that…” she mumbled after regaining her breath. The voice in the back of her head scolded her for only focusing on her own burdens again. She shared many problems and experiences with Kazuto. Amongst those experiences was that December day; he’d been there too, the electrode necklace she wore every day was proof of that. But there she was, forgetting the very basis of her friendship with him.

Why? Because she was sick with infatuation, she guessed. Her confusing feelings toward Kyouji had blinded her. Perhaps that was the way Kazuto felt toward Asuna. However, Shino still felt as if she didn’t fully understand anything. Thankfully, her employer snapped her back to reality.

“That kid’s crazy. K-Kirito, I mean. He’s gone through way too much for someone his age. You know that, that’s why you get along so well. But you two cope differently. I haven’t known you for long, but Kirito tells me you’re aloof and distant toward others. Well, you see, he’s the opposite. He likes to  _ act _ that way, but in reality, he won’t let things rest until he’s done them right. And he’s  _ really _ stubborn about what he thinks is right. That being said, so what if you don’t see eye to eye? Nobody does. What matters is that he didn’t mean to hurt you,” Andrew spoke, setting the clean glass down and resting his chin in his palm. He seemed to be gazing off, recalling something from another world long past. And suddenly, Shino understood.

“Thanks, Agil. I think… I can apologize to him. After I finish my shift, of course!” she replied hesitantly, nodding. With an exchange of smiles, the two finished up their break. It was back to preparing food for Shino, but before returning to do so, she picked up her phone and sent a text.

_ Hey, Kirito. I know you don’t want to talk to me. But I need to clear some things up. Stop by Dicey if you get the chance. _

But Kazuto never came.

Time ticked by, but the front door of the Dicey Café never creaked open to reveal a lanky teen with messy black hair and a stupid smile.

“See you, Agil,” Shino called mellowly as she adjusted her handbag around her arm. She turned her head back to look at her boss, who simply nodded, and gave him a wave. Shino felt a wavering pain in her chest and hesitated to step out the door for a moment. A part of her didn’t want to leave the establishment, in hopes that Kazuto was still on his way. However, he hadn’t even replied to her text message, so that was unlikely.

Was that it? Had her time with the strangely popular friend group come to an end?  _ I must’ve really fucked up,  _ Shino thought,  _ If I walk through here, it’s really over.  _ She gripped the strap of her bag tightly, digging the fabric into her skin. With a deep breath, she took a step forward. Her hand reached toward the door, and then—

“Waiiiiit!” somebody yelled from outside. The shout was followed by the grumbling of a motorcycle engine. Then there were fumbling footsteps. And finally, the door to the Dicey Café chimed open. Out of breath, disheveled and with a panicked face, Kazuto entered the room.

“You called?” he said between gasps for air. He clutched his helmet underneath his arm, trembling, but stayed in the doorway. His posture looked unnatural. Shino had no idea what to think. She’d never seen him like that before. Her mouth went agape.

“Sorry, did you… change your mind? I can leave,” Kazuto asked worriedly. He raised an eyebrow.

“N-no, I just… didn’t think you’d come. I mean, you didn’t even reply to my text,” Shino explained, dumbfounded. Kazuto frowned.

“That’s ‘cause I rushed over here the second I saw it. I was so surprised when you finally texted me,” he explained, as if it were obvious. His pout turned to one of confusion.

“I- What? But I thought you stopped texting because you were mad at me,” Shino sputtered. Now she was confused.

“No, no! I never texted you because I thought  _ you  _ stopped texting  _ me _ . I thought  _ you _ were mad at me!” Kazuto replied frantically. With his free hand, he pinched his nose bridge. It turned out their week long fight had been less of a fight and more of an awkward miscommunication. Shino let out a strained chuckle at that.

“God, we’re so dumb. I missed you, you know?” Kazuto sighed wearily. He chuckled a bit himself, then put his helmet down on a nearby chair. He fidgeted by running his fingers through his hair.  _ Still as dorky as ever,  _ Shino thought. And then, she did the unthinkable. She opened her arms and said,

“Bring it in. I missed you, too.” She put on a slight grin. Kazuto blinked a few times, as if to confirm he wasn’t dreaming, then took a running start at Shino. She almost backed away, but it was too late. Kazuto hugged her closely with a goofy grin on his face and, to her horror, Shino hugged him back.

“Whoops! Didn’t see you there, buddy! Sorry, you’re just still so small,” Kazuto said awkwardly as he suddenly sprung backward. He extended his hand forward in a cautionary gesture, right in front of Shino’s midsection. She felt her face get hot.

“D-Don’t worry about that, you weren’t hugging me too tightly. It doesn’t hurt them, in any case,” she explained as she tried to hide how flustered she was. Kazuto, who looked a bit pale only a few seconds before, sighed in relief. The two friends exchanged weary smiles.

“Um, but now that we’ve clarified that we weren’t actually mad at each other, I—” Shino began in an attempt to shift the conversation back to the matter at hand, but was cut off quickly.

“Well, I  _ was _ mad at you for  _ punching  _ me. B-But not because you fucked Death Gun,” Kazuto clarified. He rubbed his cheek, which did seem to have a bruise. However, his grumbling ticked Shino off.

“Don’t call him Death Gun, that’s a group of three people and I only had sex with  _ one _ of them,” she huffed. If Kazuto wanted to correct her, she’d correct him back. Her blatant use of the word also threw him off, and now  _ he  _ was flustered.  _ Mission accomplished— oh fuck, I still need to apologize. _

“Uh… all jokes aside, I’m sorry for blowing up at you. I was upset, but I still shouldn’t have done that. Honestly, I thought I’d left my punching days behind in elementary school, but I guess my hormones have brought them back,” Shino apologized sincerely. Even though she threw in another joke near the end, that was actually proof that things were back to normal between the two of them. Sarcasm and pranks, like friends ought to do. At least, she hoped. Kazuto, however, flung downward into a bow.

“And I’m sorry for being insensitive… It was a really awkward question to ask! You’re one of my closest friends, but I let my personal feelings get in the way and hurt you,” he exclaimed exasperatedly, his voice rasping a bit. His lips tightened into a frown, and his eyebrows furrowed tensely. His whole body seemed to quiver, as if he were ashamed of his previous actions.  _ He’s stupid, but he really does care,  _ Shino thought, pushing up her glasses before bowing down as well.

“I was going to say the same thing,” she said softly, “I was only thinking about my side of the story. I didn’t consider your feelings toward the incident.” There was a lump in her throat, the onset of tears.  _ Damn, how embarrassing. _

“Oh, don’t be so dramatic, you two. You fight, you break up, you… hug, you make up. It happens to all friends. Now, I’m going to text the  _ ALO  _ group chat that you’re friends again and pick out a new quest for us,” Andrew finally spoke up. He probably meant to chide the two teens, but his tone made it clear that he was relieved. Both Kazuto and Shino quickly scrambled up to look at him, only to see him nonchalantly wiping down the counter. At least he had a good poker face.

“That sounds great, Agil,” Shino thanked him with a grin. Then, she turned to face Kazuto again. He was grinning, too.

“He’s right, you know? It’s thanks to his meddling that we‘re not fighting anymore. It’s really good to have you back, partner,” Kazuto said happily. He extended his arm and clenched his hand into a fist.

“Right back at you, partner.” Shino knocked her own fist right into his. With the drama settled, she could go back to being happily surrounded by friends. A fluttering feeling, pure joy, burst into her chest. And yet, she felt at ease. Finally, finally, she could have what she’d wanted most in the world without fear.

Though, Shino discovered that it could feel a bit smothering at times.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meant to finish this on Mother’s Day because haha funny joke, but the apology scene turned out to be really hard to write. Well, I guess the lengthy chapter makes up for the wait? I also wanna say thank you to the person who I’m totally not in a server with for leaving all the nice comments!


	14. Peace, Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Asuna and Shino hang out and end up talking about light-hearted and difficult things alike.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a warning, character focus switches halfway through. I swear I won't make it a habit, but my brain was like "Hm I think I will make this chapter Asuna-centric actually" and I figured since Reki does it (see: the entire DIL battle oh my fucking god), I can as well.  
> Anyway, sorry for taking so long to update! Writing platonic Asuna and Sinon is very hard!

Of all of their friends, Asuna definitely had to have been the most relieved when Kazuto and Shino made up. Almost immediately after Andrew had notified the group, Shino received a billion text messages from Asuna about how they should hang out soon. She’d refrained from interacting richly with  _ either  _ of the fighting parties, so as to not seem like she was choosing her best friend over her boyfriend or vice versa. Shino could only imagine how much that must’ve sucked and admired Asuna for surviving the week.

So when the older girl invited her to the mall for a “girl’s trip”, Shino immediately accepted. She missed her friend, but she’d also begun to outgrow her clothing and figured it was a good time to shop. Perhaps Asuna realized that as well, so Shino felt grateful that she had such a caring friend. Asuna insisted on going all the way to Yushima, despite the fact that it was a bit far from her residence in Setagaya. She justified herself by saying she didn’t want to make Shino overexert herself, which made sense.  _ I guess this is what it’s like to have a best friend,  _ Shino thought to herself as she walked to the mall.

The shopping trip was a success, to say the least. Shino  _ did  _ get to exercise a bit by wandering around the outlet mall, though Asuna made sure she paced herself. The two finally went into a clothing store, where they laughed as Shino tried on horribly patterned maternity clothing. They even stopped to get a small snack on the way and sat down on one of the outlet’s many benches to finish.

The daylight dimmed slightly and Asuna and Shino found themselves strolling along the main streets of Yushima. They held hands and swung their arms up and down slightly with each springy step they took. It was the perfect temperature out, so a cool and brisk breeze accompanied them. With spring arriving soon, there’d be more nice weather to come. Shino grinned excitedly to herself.

“Whatcha so happy about, Sinonon? Care to share?” Asuna asked peppily. She put on a grin as well.

“Menial things. Today’s been great,” Shino replied softly. She could hear birds chirping around when she listened closely.

“Oh, come on! You can do so much better than menial. In fact, I’m gonna make sure this month is anything but!” Asuna huffed enthusiastically.

“What do you mean by that?” Shino asked. She stopped in her tracks, quickly dragging her friend to a halt as well.

“I’ll answer your question with another one: what’s something that all expecting mothers do with their friends?” Asuna said mischievously. Her lips tightened into a slight smirk, which made Shino tempted to ask for clarification again. _ Mothers… and friends?  _ Suddenly, the cogs in her head began to turn.

“No. No way. You are  _ not  _ doing this. You are not making a big deal out of this,” Shino dismissed. She got up and sprinted down the sidewalk, avoiding her friend. However, Asuna was nicknamed  _ The Flash  _ for a reason, and she maintained a steady pace beside her. Upon passing a small convenience store, the older girl jumped in front of her. She was much taller and, paired along with her outstretched arms, had thus become a rigid wall.

“Come on, Sinonon! We won’t get you anything if you don’t want us to! It’ll just be a small celebration at Dicey Café! We always do that!” Asuna huffed, ending with a pout. Her eyebrows furrowed, disappointed by the rejection of the idea.

“If you wanted an excuse to meet up, you could’ve just said so,” Shino replied, hoping it would halt the conversation. She had honed her snarkiness as if it was a skill in  _ GGO _ ; unfortunately, it was not high enough to rustle the VRMMO veteran.

“Well, no, it’s not a party for the sake of a party. It’s a ce-le-bra-tion! You’re clearly happy about… the kid. Let us join the fun! You  _ deserve _ a party!” Asuna argued. According to Kazuto, she was a very studious girl; perhaps the persuasion skills one learned in school were useful after all. However, the way her tone dipped downward at the mention of the baby made Shino even more reluctant to the idea.  _ There’s always going to be that whisper of judgement around _ , the voice in her head taunted. She’d only just made up with Kazuto, but she was running into a problem yet again.

“If you’re going to be like  _ that _ the whole time, I’d really rather not,” Shino huffed. She disguised it as a quip, but it still held some truth. She pouted and glanced back at Asuna. The older girl, shocked by her own words, covered her mouth.

“Oh my gosh, no, I didn’t mean it like that! I just… well, I was going to say a name, and then I realized I didn’t know one yet. My bad,” she quickly clarified. She glanced to the side to avoid eye contact.

“Well, you could’ve just said them. There are two, after all,” Shino suggested, still not buying it. However, upon seeing her friend’s face morph from guilt to gleaming joy, she realized it was  _ her  _ turn to cover her mouth.

“You’re having twins? Really? Wow, that’s amazing!” Asuna exclaimed. She grabbed the other girl’s hands in her own, shaking them up and down with joy. They were blocking the middle of the sidewalk, and Shino was taken aback, but Asuna’s smile was so wide that it felt rude to stop her. Instead, she grinned awkwardly and affirmed.

“Oh, uh, but if you actually did want to know their names, it’s uh, Shinju and Noko,” she continued, convinced her friend was being earnest. That and the fact that she didn’t know what else to say. Upon hearing the names, however, Asuna got even more excited.

“That’s so cute! Did you come up with that yourself, or did you pick them from some website? How are the names written?”

“Um… I picked them myself. We should probably continue this conversation in a place where we’re not blocking foot traffic, though,” Shino suggested, wanting to bring attention to their location and hopefully change the subject.

“Oh! You’re right, let’s go to some café nearby and talk more. We have a party to plan!” Asuna asked with a soft smile. It was so entrancing that it was impossible to say no. They walked along the streets together, following a suggested location on the older girl’s Augma. Shino couldn’t see what it was, of course, and began to grow dubious when they took a turn into an alleyway. A few turns later and they were back in the street, though, standing right in front of… 

Café Louvre.

Shino stopped in her tracks, her hand hesitantly reaching the doorknob. Asuna, being polite, opened it for her and held it there. But when her friend did not step in, she grew worried. Her face scrunched up.

“What’s the matter, Sinonon?” she probed.

“Uh… it’s just that Kyouji and I frequented this place  _ right _ before the Death Gun incident,” Shino clumsily admitted.  _ Shit, now I’m gonna make her feel bad _ , she thought.  _ Way to go, bring up the dark shit. That is absolutely the best idea,  _ she continued to curse herself in her head.

“Oh! Sorry, we can go somewhere else if you’d prefer,” Asuna winced, reacting as expected. Shino quickly shook her head.

“N-no, it’s fine, let’s go in,” she replied, hoping to brush it off. She entered the small shop, glancing at the outside menu before walking over to an empty table in the middle of the café. The place had remained unchanged, which was expected, since it’d only been a few months since she’d last stopped by. The chairs and tables were all wooden, and they all had enough finish to emit a pretty shine. The owner gave a low “welcome” as the two girls sat down.

“You  _ sure _ you’re okay?” Asuna asked as she placed herself on a creaky chair. Shino gave her a dirty look.  _ Not this again! _

“I’m serious, if you keep saying stuff like that, I might just get mad at you,” she huffed, then reached for her tea. But after grabbing at the air for a few seconds, she realized she hadn’t ordered to drink yet anything and turned her head toward the shop owner. She didn’t say anything, but she did make eye contact with him. The old man’s eyes widened as he got up from his chair and walked over to his customers.

* * *

“Well, if it isn’t you again! I barely recognized you, it’s been so long. What happened, you and your little boyfriend came in every day for a week and then dropped off the face of the planet!” the owner joked as he approached. He bowed slightly in greeting, then turned and did the same for Asuna. She was taken off guard by how chummy they seemed, and even more so when Shino replied.

“Ah, well, he and I have become a bit busy as of late…” she explained, her voice fumbling. She was clearly lying through her teeth, but she looked down and patted her baby bump with a smile.  _ Since when did Shino get so good at acting?  _ Asuna thought, the whole interaction throwing her for a loop.

“Oh, congratulations! I’ll go get you some ginger tea, that helped my wife a ton way back when. And what may I get you, nameless friend?” the owner exclaimed, then suddenly turned to Asuna. The girl blinked a few times before responding, almost robotically,

“I’m Yuuki Asuna. I’d like an oolong tea, please.” She threw in the smile she gave to the many business people she’d met over the years, which was met with a wide grin.

“My name’s Waraya Warata. I’ll be right back with your drinks. For now, Blanche will keep you company,” the owner said as he scurried off to the kitchen part of the café. On his way, he whistled a seven note tune, which made a white cat suddenly jump out from the shadows. The lanky shorthair dashed over to the two girls and pawed at Shino’s legs.

“Hello again, Blanche,” Shino happily hummed as she picked up the cat from underneath its shoulders and let it unfurl completely. The cat looked at Shino smugly, licked its paws, and settled on her lap. It then nuzzled right up to her stomach and purred softly.

“Wow, he’s friendly! I guess animals really are sensitive,” Asuna commented with a more genuine smile.

“Actually, Blanche is a girl. I named her after Blanche Devereaux from  _ The Golden Girls,  _ an old TV show.” Asuna flinched, taken off guard by the new voice that’d answered her question. She looked to her right and saw the café’s owner, holding two steaming tea cups in his hands. He grinned and set down the beverages.

“Oh, you really should watch it if you haven’t already, Asuna. It’s very funny, Waraya-san showed me and… Kyouji-kun an episode or two,” Shino joined the conversation, “And thank you very much, Waraya-san.” That time, Asuna winced; she wondered how her best friend could possibly go through with the lie. Just saying Kyouji’s name ought to have hurt more than being pricked by one hundred thorns. However, a public café was no place to ask Shino about her true feelings. An inkling of an idea passed through her thoughts.  _ Maybe I should invite her over some time? _

“Yes, thank you, Waraya-san. And I’ll be sure to check that show out some time.” Asuna settled on a polite reply that kept the situation neutral, if not eased it.

“You’re very welcome, ladies. Now, I’ll leave you two to your chit-chat,” Warata said happily before going back to the register. He gave the two a small thumbs up as he walked off. For a moment, Asuna admired how kind he was before realizing that there were more grave matters at hand.

“What was that? You barely, if ever, mention Shinkawa,” she whispered. She raised an eyebrow in concern, to which Shino replied with a frown.

“I’ve told you not to ask me about that stuff at least three times today! You know better, Waraya-san doesn’t. I’m just being polite like I was raised to be. Other than that, I really don’t want to talk about it,” she grumbled. Asuna had never seen her friend that angry before, other than that time in her apartment a week ago. It came as a shock, but was also worrying.

“It’s not healthy to bottle things up,” Asuna advised, her voice still a whisper. Shino’s face slowly curled up into a snarl and her fists clenched on top of the table.

“That’s all I’ve ever done my whole life. As my best friend, you should know that,” she replied. Though her voice was quiet, her tone was almost hostile. Asuna felt a pang in her heart. Those words carved deep and, intentionally or not, hurt her. However, she understood that Shino was hurting as well. There had to be some way to help.  _ Come on, Asuna, you’re a people pleaser! Think, what did the counselors at school say when  _ I  _ acted this way? _

“You’re right, I’m sorry. It’s hard to talk about your problems when people just randomly bring them up,” Asuna began calmly, “So why not set a date?” The suggestion came to her suddenly, an extension of her idea from earlier, so she jumped at the opportunity to use it. Sure, Shino didn’t want to talk about it at that moment, but it wasn’t as if she didn’t  _ ever  _ want to talk about it.

“I don’t want to do that,” Shino grumbled. Okay, maybe Asuna was wrong. She wasn’t about to give up, though.

“I know you don’t want to  _ now,  _ but if we set a date, you’ll be prepared when it comes time to open up.” She pitched her solution with a friendly tone and took sips of her tea in between. From across the table, aimlessly petting the cat, Shino stared at her with reticent eyes. The café went quiet, save for Blanche’s occasional purrs.

“May 31st,” Shino stated firmly after a moment of silence. Her reply was simple, short, and to the point. However, Asuna was grateful to have gotten one at all.

“Is that for any reason in particular?” she asked, a bit curious. She knew her friend put a lot of thought into her decisions and liked to keep track of exact dates. She wished she’d held back her tongue, though, upon seeing Shino’s eyes narrow into a death glare.

“I’ll tell you the reason the day of,” she answered snippily, “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but now I actually  _ want  _ to talk about planning a party.” Asuna laughed nervously at that, but she’d take it nonetheless. It seemed time for a topic change.

“Alright, so I was thinking it should be right before spring break. I know you go home whenever we have off, but you kinda need to be present for your own party!” she explained with a smile. It was a very well thought out suggestion, one she was proud of, but Shino’s expression grew even  _ more  _ somber somehow.  _ This whole conversation is just me walking on eggshells, I guess,  _ Asuna griped internally.

“Actually… I’m not going back to Tohoku this spring,” Shino announced solemnly, “You saw how big the twins are getting. My grandma will notice right away, the second she greets me with one of her tight hugs. I don’t know if I told you this before, but I kinda don’t want to tell my family that I’m… pregnant.” She glanced away, seeming almost scared to admit it aloud. Asuna didn’t think that her friend was ashamed, but it did take her a hot second to figure out why Shino would want to keep such a big secret from her family.

“Oh, you. You’re just like Kirito-kun. Never thinking of yourself, only thinking about others. You don’t want to worry them, is that it? That’s why you didn’t tell me and the others, either. You didn’t want to worry any of us,” Asuna sighed with a weary grin. Given Shino’s sudden shocked expression, she figured she’d hit the nail on the head.

“I guess you do know me, after all,” the girl mumbled in her stupor.

“Oh, come on, Sinonon! Give me some credit! We  _ are  _ best friends, after all!” Asuna jokingly scolded her friend, letting out a chuckle or two. From across the table, Shino lightened up a bit as well. She looked at Asuna with a small smile and said,

“Mhm, we are. I mean, now I’m actually kind of into the whole idea of a party. I’m not even deflecting this time. So, as long as you promise to never compare me to Kirito ever again, I’d like to plan it now. During spring break is okay, right? Like a send-off to the school year?” Asuna practically felt her heart melt.

“Yeah, that sounds great! And I promise, don’t worry.”

The two chatted on about the party, figuring out what to do and who to invite, since they’d already established a “when” and “where”. However, the conversation dwindled into banter that was typical of girls their age. Café Louvre was once again filled with bright laughter, as if spring had finally graced the small establishment. There was peace, again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the inclusion of the café owner was very self indulgent but I like background characters, okay?! Since the shop is canonically (in the anime) called Café Louvre (blink and you miss it but it's in episode 3), I decided to make him a worldy guy. So, he likes the French language (see: his cat and store name) and he likes foreign TV shows (see: making him like my favorite sitcom) now. Also, his name means Laughter-boy Wheat-store. I picked it because of the frame where it zooms on him and you can hear Kyouji and Shino laughing in the background and I thought having his last name imply that he's a shop owner was funny. So is the repetition of "Wara", though it's spelled differently! Anyway, just needed to gush about this man because I crafted him with care (for some weird fking reason).  
> Peace! Hope to update sooner :thumbs_up:


	15. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shino works a comletely, totally normal shift at the Dicey Café.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so sorry for taking so long, this was a difficult chapter to write. For that, I’m posting at 5 AM (with no editing, eek) so please enjoy :,^)

“When Agil asked me if I knew how to cook, I was worried that I’d, uh, actually have to, if that makes sense. Not in a slacker way, I mean! But you don’t know how relieved I am to  _ just _ be an assistant. I wouldn’t want to ruin your wonderful business,” Shino rambled on as she passed a bottle of Worchestire sauce to her boss, Kathy Mills.

“Ahaha, don’t worry about it! You’re skilled, and it’s nice to have a helping hand in the kitchen,” she laughed boisterously as she plucked the bottle out of Shino’s small hands. She opened it and poured the thick sauce into the meal-in-progress.

“Thank you… you’re very kind. Um, on that note, is it really okay that I have my party here?” the teen asked, still nervous. Earlier that week, Asuna had requested the use of the Dicey Café for a celebration. The two owners had given an emphatic “yes”, but Shino wasn’t really used to having things done for her. So, of course, she doubted it.

“You’re really asking that? You and your friends have met up here god knows how many times,” Kathy replied in disbelief. She mixed in the second sauce she’d just thrown in. Then, she looked at the young girl beside her and chuckled some more. Shino felt a bit embarrassed, but continued,

“That’s true, but… I work here now. Isn’t this kind of a weird arrangement?” She took the bottle and put it back in its place. She then peered over at the recipe near her and scanned the counter for the next ingredient— salt and pepper. The meat that went with the dish was already beside Kathy in the sink, so all that was left were the seasonings.

“Nope, since  _ Asuna _ doesn’t work here and  _ she’s  _ the host. So, it’s technically fine. Don’t sweat it, kid,” the older woman replied as she dropped a hefty amount of shredded chicken into the pot. She mixed it vigorously as well, her brow furrowing in concentration as she did. Shino found it admirable that she could cook so dedicatedly while holding a conversation.

“Besides, it’s not as if my husband hasn’t broken the rules before. It started with that Kirito boy, but now Andrew and I are looking after a pack of misfits,” Kathy stated firmly as she mixed in the chicken and then threw in some pork, “I mean that endearingly, though.” She shot her a wide grin before getting back to work. Shino blinked a few times, not sure how to take the comment, but hurriedly grabbed the salt and pepper. She sprinkled it in as Kathy stirred, flicking her wrists in a fashion that let out _just_ the right amount.

“Thank you for reassuring me. You’re kind, really kind, to me and my friends,” Shino mumbled softly. She truly was grateful to have a trusted adult nearby. She felt nothing but support in the Dicey Café. She couldn’t have asked for a better blessing.

“I like to say that I  _ accidentally  _ adopted 53  _ children _ or some number near there,” Kathy sighed, though it was clear it was a joking one; a small grin crossed her visage. She washed her hands in the kitchen sink quickly and gestured for Shino to do the same. As the young girl obliged, she felt a hand rest on her head.

“You did good today, kid. You’ll be alright,” Kathy said as she ruffled Shino’s hair. It was a funny interaction, like something a proud parent would do. It was unfamiliar, but not unwelcome. It was what pushed Shino over the edge and made her finally resolve to get to know her boss more. Their break time, which had usually been spent silently, was perfect for that.

“Thank you.”

Once the stew had finished simmering and been served to the masses, the two shuffled to the bar counter and sat down on the leftmost stools. They hunched over the wooden surface, but glanced around the café. Happy faces were abundant in the small room.

“The customers seem to be enjoying their meals… I, uh, guess we make a pretty good team,” Shino commented, trying not to be awkward. It was a simple enough comment, just small talk, so she was confident. The reaction she elicited was much bigger than she’d expected.

“Damn right, we do! Your family raised you well, with skills like those,” Kathy exclaimed. She put on another one of her signature grins and pumped a fist in the air. She was a generally bright and happy woman; everything she did was garnished with intense positivity. It was practically contagious, so Shino nodded happily.

“Mhm! Oh, speaking of teams… You like video games, right? Which ones?” she asked, wanting to keep the conversation going. She figured she’d pick a topic they both liked. Most bonds sprouted via common interests or experiences, after all.

“MMORPGs, like the rest of you. I just started this new American VR game, Insect Site, and I’m pretty hooked,” Kathy answered with a chuckle. Upon mentioning the game, she put on a pensive face. Shino recognized it as the face gamers made while dreaming up battle strategies, so she decided to humor her boss despite the game’s peculiar title.

“I-Insect Site, huh? Do you fight bugs in it or something?” she guessed. She recalled a certain online friend mentioning it, but she couldn’t remember her exact words.

“Fight and  _ play  _ as bugs! Have you ever wished you had extra arms?” Kathy said excitedly, “Well, I’ve lived it and it feels great!” She waved around her fingers to mimic insect movements.

“O-Oh! That sounds… interesting, to say the least,” Shino replied, hiding the fact that she found the concept weird, “Do you play with others?” She quickly changed the topic. It wasn’t that she hated bugs, she just… did not have an  _ affinity  _ for them.

“Yup, I have a party. If you ever drop by, you can join. My username’s Trish, after the  _ Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure _ character. My avatar’s a mantis,” Kathy replied a bit calmer than before. Still, she gave a peppy thumbs up.

“Thanks for the offer, Kathy-san,” Shino nodded politely, “I’ll think about it.” She wasn’t in the mood to pick up a new game any time soon, but she respected the enthusiasm. She especially liked listening to others talk about their interests, and her smile grew wider because of it. That and because she’d effectively used her break to get closer to her boss. Though, there were still a good ten minutes before it ended…

“You’ve got that stiff, pouty face again. Something on your mind?” Kathy asked. She raised an eyebrow; she wasn’t  _ very _ concerned, but was concerned enough to pry. The young girl shook her head vigorously.

“No, no, I was just trying to think of ways to keep the conversation going, haha,” Shino admitted with a small, choked laugh. She felt guilty for worrying her boss, but she couldn’t control having a resting pissy face.

“Whaaat? Come on, Asada, that shouldn’t be hard! We’ve got tons of things in common. We like cooking, we work at the same place, we play video games, we both fell in love because of said games, the list goes on,” Kathy joined in with legitimate laughter. She listed each topic off her fingers, extending those in her left as she pointed with those of her right. However, the cheeriness finally wore off. Something in the list struck a bit too close to home for Shino.

“Yeah, I guess I did fall for Kyou— ahem, my partner because of the time we spent in-game…” she mumbled vaguely, as if she barely clung onto the thought. She’d blurted it out during a shift once, but she didn’t think Kathy would  _ remember. _ Shino’s thoughts began to move elsewhere, so she stared blankly at the stacked glass bottles behind the bar.

“Okay, now there’s actually something on your mind,” Kathy huffed. She furrowed her eyebrows, put her hands on her hips, and scrutinized the girl beside her. Her gaze was almost piercing, as if it was tailor-made to draw out the truth.

“How did you know you were in love?” Shino asked without thinking. She wanted to slam her face into the wooden countertop for saying it. It was a touchy subject and, quite frankly, inappropriate to ask her boss.

“Having doubts about how you feel toward the one who did that to you?” Kathy asked, only half-joking. She nudged her chin in the direction of Shino’s baby bump.

“Oh, no, no! The opposite, actually…” the girl sputtered. Though she remained smiling, her visage grew even more strained.

“The opposite? What’s that supposed to mean?” Kathy raised an eyebrow. Her eyes shone in a way that made it clear that she was trying her hardest to understand. It almost made Shino feel off put; she’d never been good at explaining her feelings with words, but she was glad that someone was… being  _ patient  _ with her for once. Shino loved listening to others, but very few people listened to her. Not even the doctors had. She figured that was why she kept talking, despite being in the Dicey Café.

“I’m just… I’m unsure if I truly  _ understand _ the emotion. I know  _ I  _ feel it, but not when others do. Which leads me to wonder… What if he doesn’t actually… you know? He was  _ barely _ in his right mind when he told me he did. What if I say ‘surprise, you’re going to be a dad!’, only for him to tell me his jail time made him realize that he never… loved me at all?” Shino let the words pour out of her mouth in a quiet, but still audible, mumble. Some words got caught in her throat, while rambling at such a low pitch scratched her vocal cords, but she’d  _ said  _ it. She’d gotten one of her many worries off of her chest. When was the last time she’d been able to do that?

“Would he stick by you through thick and thin? Or rather, did he before?” Kathy replied curtly, which was unexpected. She didn’t face the young girl as she did; she instead chose to stare at the same stack of bottles as if she were trying to figure out what Shino saw in them. Man, everything about the woman was baffling.

“Huh?”

“I was there for Andrew when he got trapped, keeping his dream afloat. This café was his everything, so I helped him. Has your fella done that for you?” Kathy elaborated. A softer, dreamier smile crossed her face. That definitely meant that she was being honest with her answer, so it ought to have been taken seriously.

Shino thought for a moment. Kyouji  _ had  _ been there for her. He understood her. That was their whole dynamic. While they seldom spoke to each other about their problems— something that turned out to be a mistake in the long run— there was a quiet understanding between them. They both kept the underlying promise to be beside the other whenever they were hurting. Kyouji may have comforted Shino more than she comforted him, but just basking in the other’s presence was enough to temporarily ease their wounds. Though, on some occasions, Shino  _ had  _ mustered the courage to talk to him (she only wished he’d done the same).

She’d told him so many secrets. About bullies new and old, about her family, and even her trauma. It was then that she realized that the last time she’d opened up to someone before that very moment, not including that moron Kazuto because he  _ definitely  _ didn’t count, was when she was still frequenting coffeeshops with Kyouji. Each and every time, he was there to hold her hand (not literally, he’d learned better the first time he’d tried) and wash away her pain for just a moment. She’d worried for nothing; remembering the way his lips curved upward into that gentle, infatuated grin made Shino smile herself. Kathy noticed and breathed a sigh of relief.

“See? A little bit of thinking and you’ve answered the question yourself,” she lightly scolded, “You worry too much. If you keep this up, your little head will explode. Your party’s soon, so take a breather. You’ll be just fine.” She gave Shino a hearty pat on the head, eliciting a small yelp from her. It was similar to something one would do to a young child to show support. That was when the duo burst out into laughter, shattering the previously tense mood. The rest of their break passed by similarly, with the conversation staying peppy as could be.

Having felt her heart lighten, Shino began to truly look forward to gathering with everyone at the Dicey Café; even her bosses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to write funny Kathy and Sinon cooking scene but I’m an evil, evil man who must make everything angst. By that I mean I REALLY wanted to add in the Sinon-doubts-Kyouji spiel but had no fucking clue where to put it so I jammed it in here. Sinon’s fear is a possibility that I have rolling in my head 24/7 but I’m not SO evil to actually write it, so you get this cop out scene! Also I think if Kirito is allowed to have heart-to-hearts with Agil, Sinon is allowed to have one with Kathy. Equivalent exchange.  
> im about to pass out, dude.


	16. You’re at the Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Asuna throws a party for Shino at the Dicey Café.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the extra long wait, I give y’all an extra long chapter!

It was ironic that Shino was tidying up Dicey Café for her own party, but she  _ did  _ work there. Only a few moments earlier, she had stepped outside to flip the sign on the door to “closed”. As she swept wrappers into a small dustpan, her sneakers squeaking on the shiny floor, she heard a chime.

“Sorry, we’re not open right now,” she defaulted, not looking to see who it was. Suddenly, she felt two arms wrap around her from behind. Flinching, she tried to leap away and kicked backward.

“Jeez! It’s just me!” the person reassured, laughing. The voice belonged to Rika, who stepped away and dramatically rubbed her shin to feign pain. She wore a huge grin, though, which made it clear that it was all fun and games. Shino was glad to know that her usual shenanigans were underway and returned the smile.

“You still scared me. You pounce like a wild animal,” she jabbed. The older girl gasped loudly, pretending to take offense. Her expression uttered “how dare you”, though not for long. The two teens burst into laughter, their voices echoing in the small café. Quickly, Shino put her supplies back in the closet and took a seat at the counter, eager to continue the fun. Rika followed, plopping down into a small stool.

Maybe the party wasn’t a bad idea after all.

The two began chatting with Andrew, mostly about video games and guessing who would arrive latest. Still, they were an odd trio and, while they managed to talk for a bit, the conversation died down quickly. Reaching for discussion topics, the reason for the party came up.

“So… is this a gender reveal, or just a celebration of the fact that you got some?” Rika asked with a smirk and a raised eyebrow. She didn’t seem to feel awkward about the question, being one of mischief. However, her conversation partner definitely felt that way. Shino’s mouth went agape, looking for words to no avail.  _ Why would you phrase it like that?  _ Her friend laughed at her stumbling reaction.

“I’m just kidding. Congrats, though. I don’t think I‘ve gotten the chance to say that yet, what with Kirito being a little shit that time. Sorry about him,” Rika said, a lot more gently than her usual jabs. It was probably the first time that Shino had seen her being so genuine. Part of her wondered what that Rika was like and wanted to see more of this side. A small, warm smile crept up on her face. Suddenly, though, Rika’s eyes widened with panic and she began to frantically dig through her handbag. After a few moments, she pulled out a small card.

“Sorry, it’s not much. But anything helps, right?” she apologized as she handed it over. It was a greeting card with cute design; two sparrows huddled over a nest. The metaphor was obvious but sweet nonetheless. Shino smiled and nodded in thanks, glancing at her friend before opening it. Inside the card was a small message… and a wad of paper cash.

“Oh, Liz, thank you, but I couldn’t- I’m fine, financially, you don’t have to- uh, I can’t accept this!” Shino immediately malfunctioned upon receiving the money. She was raised to be polite and such a gracious gesture essentially short circuited her brain. She felt guilty for taking money from others— it seemed like that was all she’d been doing as of late. Who was she, Endou?

“Yikes, everything okay up there, Sinon? If you’d bothered to read the note, you’d see it’s just money I found lying around and what not. Besides, you and I both know your ass is flat broke and you cannot raise a kid on a part-timer salary,” Rika immediately countered. She crossed her arms to keep her hands hidden, if only to show that she was  _ not  _ taking the money back. Her argument was sound and Shino sighed in defeat.

“Harsh! But you’re wrong about one thing; I’ll be raising  _ two _ kids,” she corrected as she stuck the card into her bag, which sat on the counter top. Rika’s eyes widened and her jaw practically dropped to the floor.

“Two of them?! That’s even  _ more _ reason to take the money, you big dork!” she scolded Shino. She gave her a light whap on the shoulder for extra emphasis. She made such a commotion that they didn’t hear the door chime behind them as it opened.

“Two of what?” a new voice asked, joining the conversation suddenly. Given the pitch, it definitely didn’t belong to a girl. The voice that answered the question did, though.

“Babies, obviously! Jeez, Kirito-kun, you can be so dense sometimes.” The two people who stepped through the door were none other than Kazuto and Asuna. They were dressed in their signature colors, though their outfits were more business casual than expected. Kazuto’s left hand was hidden behind his back. The couple paused their light bickering to give their counter-bound friends a wave.

“You didn’t tell Kirito? I figured you would’ve, since you tell each other everything,” Shino turned and asked Asuna after she greeted the couple. Her best friend shook her head.

“Nope, that stuff’s personal! I would never. Besides, I wanted to keep it a surprise for everyone,” Asuna explained cheerfully, “Though I guess Liz just found out. Hooray!” She clapped her hands together twice, mimicking fanfare.  _ She’s more excited than me,  _ Shino thought to herself, though it made sense— the older girl  _ had _ planned the party.  _ I still need to thank her for that,  _ Shino realized. Before she got the chance to speak, though, Kazuto jutted out his left arm and handed her a moderately sized paper bag.

“From me and Asuna. Well, just Asuna, since I’m bad with gifts,” he stated curtly, though there was a hint of warmth in his voice, “I was wondering why she got so much… Now I know!” The bag had small, pink tissue paper poking out from the top. It looked like it’d been hastily jammed in at the last second, which made Shino sure that it was Kazuto’s contribution. She took it from him with a smirk.

“Thank you,” she said as she began to rummage through the contents, forgetting to immediately reject the display of kindness. “Wow, this is a lot! How’d you even… find half of this stuff?” Maybe it was the teen in her that had no clue about being a parent, but she’d been missing most of the useful gadgets in the bag— the one that caught her eye the most was a device to help with infant congestion.

“It was pretty easy! I just Googled ‘baby shower gifts’ and clicked ‘Add to Cart’ on anything small and useful,” Asuna replied with a grin. She gave a thumbs up, acting proud, and that’s when Shino raised an eyebrow.

“How did you  _ pay _ for all this?” she asked dubiously. Her frugality finally kicked in.

“Stole Mother’s card,” Asuna replied nonchalantly. Andrew was the first to react; he dropped his jaw, speechless. Rika snorted at that and quickly burst into laughter. Kazuto kept a straight face, probably because he’d already known about it, which was amusing in and of itself. Nobody could top Shino’s reaction, though. Her eyes were wide, but she kept on blinking as though her brain was buffering; it was even worse than when Rika gave her money. Shino’s lips remained fastened together tightly until she loaded up a coherent response.

“Are you serious?! Asuna, you don’t have to go  _ that  _ far for me!” she finally yelled exasperatedly, as if a sudden breath of life had come to her frozen face. “What if she finds out? What if she thinks  _ you’re _ pregnant?”

“Relax, I’ve done this enough times to know she’ll just cancel the card,” Asuna explained much too calmly. “If anything, I can blame it on my brother. I saw him walking around with some woman the other day, so…” She smiled impishly. No, wait, she  _ had _ to be joking… right? Shino decided to ignore the insinuation that Asuna had stolen her mother’s credit card before, or the implication that she’d blow up her own brother’s personal life for that matter, and focused on the present.

“I-If you say so… You’re too kind, Asuna. First the party, now this? There’s really no way I can repay you… This debt will go into my next life for sure,” she muttered. She knew from her interaction with Rika that refusing would get her nowhere, not to mention that Asuna was a  _ lot  _ more stubborn, so she accepted the gift humbly. Shino felt her cheeks warm up slightly; letting herself be doted on felt nice.

“Oh, don’t worry about that! Think of it as my way of paying  _ you  _ back for keeping Kirito-kun safe in  _ GGO  _ for me,” Asuna replied sincerely, waving her hand as if to brush off Shino’s hypothetical karma. Kazuto grumbled at that comment, whining about how “Sinon was a pain in the ass” or something, but Shino was too entranced by his girlfriend to really give a shit about what he was saying. With the gift over and done with, she took a seat on the other side of her best friend and joined the idle chatter. At that moment, the door swung open with a chime and a “wham!” noise.

“Big bro, you’re a dick! Leaving me to finish washing the dishes so you could get a head start to the party, how could you?” Suguha whined as she stomped into the Dicey Café. She ran over to her brother and gripped him by the collar; her fingertips were pruney, probably from said chore.

“Wha— Sugu! I  _ told  _ you that I needed to meet up with Asuna early so I could mooch off of— I mean, help with her gift!” Kazuto yelled as he began to slip out of his seat. He gripped onto the metal ridges of the stool so that he wouldn’t fall off. Upon hearing his pleas, Suguha let go of him with a huff.

“Still, you’re not the only one who’s friends with Sinon,” she pointed out. She then turned on her heel to face Shino and handed her a small, flat box. Judging by the weight and shape, it seemed to be a clothing box.

“Everyone probably got stuff for the baby, but you deserve gifts, too! You’re super strong for deciding to tough it out for nine months, and you should be as comfortable as possible! Plus, when I saw this in the store, I thought of you, so I just  _ had _ to get it,” Suguha explained, selling her gift as if it was a competition. From the bar, Rika and Asuna gave a short applause.

“Wow, now I’m eager to see what it is,” Shino replied, her curiosity piqued. She took the box with a nod and opened it. Folded neatly inside was maternity clothing… with a picture of a sleeping cat printed right over the part that would cover her baby bump. The grin that creeped up onto Shino’s face was priceless.

“This… is a very good gift,” she mumbled happily. She knew she’d turn into a giddy mess if she spoke any louder, so she kept her voice low. She placed the top back over the box and set it on the counter along with the rest of her gifts.

“I knew you’d like it! Yes, yes, in your face, big bro!” Suguha cheered triumphantly. She shot Kazuto a smug grin, to which he replied,

“You got one fact wrong in your  _ presentation,  _ Sugu. You said ‘for the baby’ when, in reality, Sinon’s having  _ two  _ babies!” Suguha’s jaw dropped and she turned to look back at Shino.

“Is it true? You’re having twins?” she asked elatedly. Her eyes gleamed happily.

“Yes, there’s two of them,” Shino affirmed. She put a hand over her stomach with a smile. Suguha swept the back of her left hand over her forehead, implying that the news was faint-worthy. Kazuto put on a shit-eating grin for just a second before Asuna lightly whacked him.

“That’s no fair, Kirito-kun! Leafa didn’t know, only we did!” she chided him. Shino didn’t really understand what anyone was arguing about anymore, but she was glad that the party was picking up. There wasn’t a speck of the tension that had filled her apartment the day that she told them about her pregnancy. She peacefully watched her friends interact in the chaotic manner they always did, which might’ve been the best present of all.

“Oh, good, I’m not the last one! Sorry I’m a bit late, I was looking for a gift,” another voice chimed in along with the door’s jingle. The group turned to look at the entrance, which showed none other than Keiko. She hurried over to them and scanned the bar. She then set down her gift bag next to the rest of the presents and turned to look at Shino.

“I didn’t get to say it before, but congratulations!” Keiko exclaimed with a grin that went from ear to ear. “If you don’t mind, can I feel?” She extended her hand out, though it took Shino a few seconds to process the request. She glanced at her midsection, then back at Keiko.

“I’m not…  _ super _ far along, but… if you want to, go for it?” Shino replied awkwardly. There really  _ wasn’t _ much to feel, but she figured she at least ought to humor her friend. The younger girl’s grin somehow grew wider upon getting approval, so she skipped the two steps over to Shino and pressed her palm to the bump.

“Hello Sinon-san’s baby, it’s nice to meet you! I hope you like what I got you,” Keiko gushed enthusiastically. She hummed happily as she gave gentle pats. She seemed to be the most giddy out of the group, which Shino had sort of expected. It was nice, since it reminded her that the babies growing inside of her were something worthy of such joy. Right. Babies, plural.

“Oh, yeah, uh… I’m having twins. Surprise?” Shino revealed hesitantly. She braced herself for whatever explosive, excited reaction that the other girl would have.

“Twins? Oh no, why didn’t you say so? I only got a gift for one baby…” Keiko muttered remorsefully. Her face suddenly became downcast, and Shino almost felt guilty about not telling everyone beforehand.  _ Would’ve been such an easy text… _

“It’s okay, Silica-chan, I’m the only one who knew and it was because Sinonon here blurted it out,” Asuna reassured, “She’s a secretive one, alright!” She giggled at her own remark. Keiko let out a slight “oh!” and then sighed in relief. She nodded and then hopped over to sit on Asuna’s lap. Shino, on the other hand, pouted.

“I’m not  _ that  _ secretive! At least, I’m not compared to  _ that one _ over there,” she refuted, placing one hand on her hip and pointing the other at Kazuto. His eyes widened and he scoffed,

“Did someone forget to tell me that it’s pick-on-Kirito day? Geez, what is  _ with _ all this slander?” He crossed his arms, then raised an eyebrow as if to ask Shino for an explanation.

“Oh, come on, everyone here’s told me about at least one stunt you’ve pulled alone.  _ Our very meeting  _ was a secret to them!” she shot back, providing him with just that. She smiled triumphantly, pulling a chair from one of the nearby tables so she could sit down like a queen, whereas Kazuto grunted in shock. He’d been had.

“Ooh, are we making fun of Kirito? Count me in!” someone chimed in excitedly. Everyone turned to face the door once again and saw Ryoutarou. His scruffy face had his signature grin plastered all over it. The girls and Andrew laughed while Kazuto let out a defeated sigh.

“No, we’re not, Sinon’s just being a bully…” he replied quietly. He then tilted his head in the direction of the counter, urging the older man to join them all at the bar. Ryoutarou gleefully trotted over to the last free stool, then looked around. His eyes fell to the section of the counter where the presents were stacked up.

“Aw crap, you all brought gifts? I had no idea this was an event like that! Wait, don’t tell me… is it Sinon’s birthday? Please say no!” Ryoutarou asked frantically. He desperately looked around at everyone who sat beside him.

“Relax, it’s not her birthday, Klein,” Keiko replied nonchalantly. She traced her finger across the wooden counter in a circle. Despite being a bit spaced out, she’d been the quickest to reply. Shino thought it was cute that she cared that much about the party.

“Anyone gonna tell me what this is all about, then? Must be pretty important,” Ryoutarou asked with a hint of annoyance, scratching his head as he waited for an answer. The teens all worriedly glanced at each other, then mainly at Shino. Should she be the one to tell him? Since he hadn’t gone to her apartment after the disconnect, he didn’t know. He was also an adult and would most likely perceive the situation differently. However, he was a friend first and foremost, one who joked with the group. So, they explained it just like that.

“Oh, it’s no biggie, it’s just that Sinon’s having twins. What’s new with you? I heard you got a shitty old car? Now  _ that’s _ something to celebrate,” Rika explained, sighing and twirling her hand. Kazuto and Keiko snickered, and Shino smiled with a slight blush. Ryoutarou, on the other hand, let his jaw loose.

“I’m gonna be an uncle?!” he shouted, running his hands through his messy hair. The rest of the group, even Andrew, couldn’t tell if he was being funny or not. Suddenly, the shocked man took a few steps forward. The only sound was the floorboards creaking under his boots. He stopped only a few inches in front of Shino, then smiled wide and gave her a firm pat on the shoulder. She shuddered, taken aback, awaiting his words.

“Congrats!” he exclaimed with all of the goofy joy that they knew him for. He smiled widely as he said it, genuinely happy for her. It was a reaction that nobody had expected, yet fitting of Ryoutarou. Deep down, he was empathetic and understanding. He was young enough to know how to let loose, but had enough years on him to have a broader perspective of the world. And with the internet having expanded to its current size, it was plausible that the experience wasn’t new to him. Shino’s intuition was spot on, for the man confirmed so soon after.

“Uhh… going by your shocked faces, I guess I’m the only one who was initially unfazed by this? I mean, yeah, a normal person would prolly judge a teen for getting knocked up. But I’ve had a few friends go through similar things, both online and real life ones. When I was your age, I was surprised to find out that this sort of stuff doesn’t just happen in TV shows. But now that I’m older, I guess I’m used to knowing what the world is really like. Even so, I’m still kinda young, so I don’t feel like a concerned parent, unlike Agil here,” he explained, pointing his thumb back toward the bartender. Andrew sighed and shook his head, but let Ryoutarou keep going.

“Sinon’s keeping it, and I don’t think she’s religious or traditional. So it has to be ‘cause she’s fine with having kids, and that’s totally chill. Everyone lives at different paces,” he ended off coolly. However, his words made Shino feel warm inside. It was reassuring to hear him say something so… open-minded. When she’d told the others that she was expecting, she felt as though they’d initially pitied her.  _ Poor Shino, some boy didn’t pull out, she must be miserable. _ Being pregnant certainly wasn’t  _ easy,  _ but she didn’t have any regrets.

Then there was Ryoutarou, who’d accepted it for what it was. He’d expressed disbelief, but in a pleasantly excited way. His over the top reaction was his way of showing support. Shino hadn’t needed to fight for that support.

But the voice in her head begged to differ.  _ So, Klein, I’ve simply gone from an ostracized girl to an ostracized adult? I’m just something to be gawked at like a character in a soap opera, is that it?  _ Shino gulped hard and clenched her fists around her skirt. Her legs felt like lead, yet they somehow moved on their own. She shot up from her chair.

“Sorry, I just remembered, I gotta go,” Shino shouted as she made a break for the door. Everyone called out to her, but she couldn’t make out their words. She heard a stool crudely scrape across the hardwood floor, but didn’t realize what that meant until she felt pressure on her right hand.

“You can stop acting like a lone wolf. You’re not one anymore. You have us,” Asuna scolded. Her tone was gentle, though. She tightened her grip and grazed her thumb over the mark on Shino’s right hand— the “tattoo” that  _ the gun  _ had left on her body. She flinched a little, not used to being touched there. However, she realized that the warmth on that spot was a part of her friend’s argument; it was the physical manifestation of the blood on her hands, and somebody was willing to hold them.

Shino was allowed to touch others. She was allowed to have children. She was allowed to be happy. Those things were true and had become real. That’s what her best friend conveyed to her, by handshake alone.

Shino couldn’t stop the tears of joy from spilling out of her eyes. She took another step, but that time it was a step backward into the café. She could do it. She could go back to the party.

“Mhm. You’re right, Asuna. Thank you.”

So just like that, the celebration raged on and spring break flew by. It only grew more hectic, but Shino didn’t mind at all. Flowers bloomed, temperatures rose, and the new school year began.

Unfortunately for her, a new year meant new problems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking ages to finish this, in truth I’d started this scene way back but just. Never added in the tie-in pieces, and then when I did it turned out to be 3.7k! Crazy af! Anyway it’s 4:30 in the mornin’ so good night, hope you enjoyed!  
> Right! I made a web novel parallel! Shino crying while holding Asuna’s hand! True・Real!


	17. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning for: Underage drinking (not on Shino's part, don't worry, the twins are safe!)

“Hey, hey, Asada! We’re in the same class!”

High pitched, giddy voices parroting that sentence were all Shino heard that afternoon. While it did make her happy to be in the same class as some of the girls she’d become acquainted with over the past few months, she had much heavier problems weighing her down.

Earlier that day, Shino had given doctor’s notices (signed by the indignant Dr. Shinkawa) excusing her from physical education classes to her teachers. Most of the staff and even a few students pried, grumbling about how unfair it was, but she hid behind the “medical information is confidential” barrier. Nobody in her school, teen or adult, knew that she was pregnant with the children of a student who had dropped out the year prior.

Unfortunately, she wouldn’t be able to hide that fact for much longer.  _ The twins are getting kind of noticeable,  _ she thought as she rested her left hand on top of her stomach. Her uniform just barely hid her bump. At that moment, a voice caught her off guard. She pulled her hand back.

“Would you look at that! We’re in the same class again, Asada. Lucky for us, since we’re  _ such _ good friends.”

Those weren’t the words that Shino had gotten accustomed to over the past few hours. That was a completely  _ new _ sentence, spoken by a  _ very _ familiar voice. She slowly turned her head and muttered,

“Nice to see you, too, Endou.”

Mafumi Endou; leader of a clique, semi delinquent, and manipulative mythic bitch. For the first few months of 2026, Mafumi and her lackeys had lay dormant. Ever since Shino stood up to them near the end of the previous year, they’d been too scared to mess with her. However, a new  _ school _ year was afoot, which meant that the past no longer mattered. Shino didn’t think that the girls would try to extort her again, but she expected to be the victim of  _ many _ crude remarks.

“What a  _ shame _ that Sae and An aren’t in our class, though. It would’ve been  _ so _ fun if the four of us were together,  _ just _ like old times,” Mafumi sighed dramatically, “But at least we have each other! Let’s make this year even more  _ fun  _ than the last.” The snarky, sickening grin that she put on afterward shook Shino to her core. However, she wasn’t going to let it rouse her.

“What do you want?” she asked snippily. Mafumi was one greedy girl, so it was obvious that she only came by because she wanted something. She glanced around and leaned forward, cupping her hand over the side of her mouth.

“I heard you get to sit out of PE and I want in. Tell me how you did it,” she whispered. The truth had come out more quickly than Shino had expected, so desperation seemed to be a factor.

“You’re not my doctor. I don’t have to tell you anything,” she scoffed as she turned to look away toward the window. She tried to act aloof and ignored her tormentor.

“What, are you dying or something?” Mafumi huffed in response. She put on a disturbed grin, overjoyed by the opportunity to be mean but still puzzled.

“Hm… nope. The opposite, actually,” Shino replied vaguely after a moment. That only made Mafumi  _ more _ confused, which was the intention. Her face contorted as she tried to figure out the meaning of Shino’s cryptic response.

“Ugh, whatever. I’ll get you to spill, mark my words,” Mafumi grumbled in a harsher tone than before. Finally, she had given up the friendly façade and showed her true colors.  _ There _ was the Mafumi that Shino knew and hated.

Thankfully, the rest of the school day passed by smoothly. She went through classes for each of the core subjects and then some. She paid close attention to the lessons and took notes as best as she could. She even managed to answer a few questions aloud despite being worried that her classmates would notice when she stood. First day back and Shino was already getting back in the groove.

She took the familiar path home triumphantly. She peeked into the bookstore, intrigued by an espionage novel on the display shelf; though she also glanced over at the kid’s section further inside the small shop. She gingerly placed a hand over her torso and felt around for the small bump, then whispered,

“You two better learn to love books, because Mama’s gonna read to you every night! Well, if I’m not tired by the time you are, that is. So you better behave, alright?” Shino giggled to herself near the end. It felt a bit embarrassing to say those sorts of things aloud, but she figured most mothers did it. Her voice was naturally quiet anyway, so she was  _ sure _ that nobody had been able to hear her—

“Who’re you talking to?”

Shino felt as though her heart had jumped out of her chest. She swiftly turned around to face the person who interrupted her little “family meeting” and saw none other than Mafumi. Her smile immediately flipped.

“I was… walking myself through the pros and cons of buying a hardcover copy of that book over there,” Shino replied hesitantly. She pointed to the le Carré book on the shelf for good measure.

“Ew, so you’re just creepily muttering to yourself? Well, whatever,” Mafumi hissed exaggeratedly. She frowned, perturbed, for just a second before shaking her head and collecting herself. She then grabbed Shino by the wrist, which was severely uncomfortable, and dragged her away from the crowd.

“Come with me, I have a present for you. And before you ask, no, it’s not the model gun again.”

The alleyway wasn’t much different than any of the others that Shino had been thrown into in the past. Most blocks in the neighborhood were identical, she’d noticed, but she decided to brush off her condescending attitude toward the city and focus on the matter at hand. Shino turned to the other girl and, projecting her voice, said,

“What do you want now?”

“Oh, don’t be like that! Look… what I got us! It’s cheap but still does the trick. Try it,” Mafumi announced peppily. She was clearly faking, to the point that her faux kindness almost disgusted Shino. Nevertheless, she bit and glanced at what she’d been brought. In Mafumi’s hand, which had emerged from her skirt pockets after a moment of digging, were two blue cans with stars on the front. Upon reading the fine text, it was very clear what the beverage within the cans was: beer.

“I know you’re just trying to get me drunk so you can rob me blind,” Shino replied as she rolled her eyes. She wasn’t going to fall for that one.  _ Besides, drinking is one of many things I can’t do since I’m pregnant… though Endou doesn’t need to know that. _

“Tch… I’m not tricking you, I just… want you to live a little! Teen years are  _ all _ about the thrills,” Mafumi covered up quickly. It seemed that she had some improv skills, too. She held out the can in her left hand toward Shino, who simply shook her head.

“I’m against underage drinking. I plan on becoming a cop, you know,” she grumbled as she crossed her arms. It wasn’t her best excuse, but it was something. Mafumi made a nauseated face and stuck out her tongue.

“Ew, you narc. This is exactly what I mean when I say you need to get a life. Just one sip? Pretty please?” she whined. Mafumi put one of the cans down and opened the beer in her left with her remaining hand. She then wrapped her arm around Shino’s neck and tried to coax her by bringing it near her lips. It was nothing more than a playful gesture, as most teenage girls did. She wasn’t  _ actually  _ going to force her. She was much too close for Shino’s comfort, though.

“Stop it, I can’t drink that! I’m pregnant!” she yelled frantically as she tried to kick Mafumi away from her. Cheap alcohol spilled onto the pavement in small, wet droplets. As they fell onto the ground with a pitter-patter, time seemed to stop. Mafumi’s eyes widened, fixed on Shino, and she yelled,

“You’re WHAT?!”

_ Oh my god, Asada Shino, you dolt! _ She wanted to slam her head into the concrete beneath her feet. Before she could even sputter a reply, Mafumi began to cackle.

“So that’s why you can’t do shit! You got knocked up! Haha, holy crap, I guess you  _ do  _ know how to let loose!” she exclaimed, slapping her knee. She picked up the can and took a few sips of whatever was left in an attempt to calm herself down.

“You shouldn’t be drinking that either,” Shino grumbled in an attempt to change the topic. However, it didn’t work. Mafumi wiped her lips and asked,

“I’m confused, though. How did you  _ ever  _ get someone to sleep with you? Are you a hooker or something?” Of  _ course  _ her go-to response was mockery. Shino shot her a glare before once again replying vaguely,

“I’ll have you know that people our age find me attractive.” Mafumi instinctively scoffed and pursed her lips in preparation for a rebuttal. However, after a few seconds, her eyes went wide as she made a realization.

“No way. No fucking way. You boned Shinkawa, didn’t you? I guess it makes sense— the only people who screw losers are other losers. But I never thought that, when you asked me about him, it was because you had the  _ hots _ for each other,” Mafumi put two and two together with a wide, giddy smile. She flipped to face the other girl with awe. She had no idea that her words had reopened a festering wound in Shino’s heart. It really was, intentionally or not, what Mafumi did best.

“What ever happened to him, anyway? It’s obvious that he dropped out, but why? Did those  _ mean boys  _ bully him into doing so? Tell me, Asada, I know you know,” she continued, blissfully unaware of Shino’s brewing rage. Her words dredged up a memory that’d been lost in the haze of the past few hectic months.

_ “You’ve got some nerve showing your face ‘round here after that stunt you pulled. What do you want?” _

_ Of course, Mafumi herself wasn’t the one who asked. She stayed hidden behind her two lackeys, Sae and An, the taller of the two being the one who spoke. All three of them wore the same taut and fearsome expression, as if they were wild animals trying to intimidate the competition. Shino tried her hardest to not let that faze her. _

_ “I… was wondering if you knew anything about a boy named Shinkawa? He’s in our class.” She’d muttered her question in a quiet and barely audible voice, but somehow Mafumi’s ears managed to pick up on it. _

_ “Huh? Do I know Shinkawa? Of course I do, that dork’s  _ been _ in the same class as me for years now,” she answered, finally joining the conversation. Her lips curved into a tight, impish smile. “Why, do you like him?” Shino knew that Mafumi meant it as a joke, a means to rile her up, but she couldn’t help but get flustered. _

_ “N-No!” she denied before clearing her throat and continuing, “But he  _ is _ my friend and, well, you just seem to know everything about everyone.” Shino realized much later that this odd and out of character request was a result of her hopeless pining. That and her subconscious inkling that something about Kyouji was awfully, terribly off. _

_ “Ooh, I didn’t think you were one to talk behind people’s backs, Asada! In that case, I’ll humor you. I like gossip more than I hate you,” Mafumi replied enthusiastically. She leaned in close, as if to make sure the other girl could hear her. _

_ “Thank you very much…” Shino muttered sarcastically. She backed away, though Mafumi started to blab away anyway. _

_ “You know Shinkawa’s on the soccer team, right? I’m…  _ friends _ with some of those guys. Get this, they absolutely  _ hate _ him! They pretend to be his friends, classic move,  _ but  _ they also ask him for food and karaoke money. Of course, they spend it hanging out with each other and not him,” she explained, all while laughing. “Ooh, that’s actually a good idea.” She shot a mischievous glance to both Sae and An. _

_ “What is?” Shino asked, confused. Mafumi flipped back to face her and waved her hand to dismiss the question. _

_ “Don’t worry about it. Anyway, serves that twerp right. Shinkawa’s dad is loaded, so it makes sense to exploit him. Those soccer players are like Robin Hood and his Merry Men, if you think about it,” she continued. She tapped at her cheek, giving her words a bit more thought. However, the other girl’s facial expression caught her eye. Shino’s brow knitted more with every word and her eyes had settled into a glare. _

_ “Aww, are you mad that I’m shit-talking him?” Mafumi jeered, “You totally are! But, like, what did you  _ expect  _ when you came to me? Sunshine and rainbows?” Her peppy demeanor eased off slowly, until her grin flipped fully downward into a frown. With said unenthused visage, she said, _

_ “I’m bored now. Get out of my sight before I decide to stop playing nice.” _

Mafumi’s incessant chattering was so irritating that even Shino’s loud thoughts couldn’t drown it out. Each and every word etched its way into her mind, vividly and painfully, until processing them became too overwhelming.

“C’mon, tell me, tell me! Oh, unless you can’t… because he ran off! Haha, that has to be it! You told him about the baby and he booked it! He—”

“Can you please, for once in your life, just shut up?”

Mafumi stopped in her tracks. Her mouth was still open, but her jaw had gone slack. Her eyebrows were furrowed and her eyes were narrowed, as if she was offended to have been talked back to even after all she’d said.

“Geez, you’re so much worse hormonal and pregnant than hormonal and PMS-ing,” she scoffed in disbelief, “Did I hit a sore spot or something?”

“As much as I hate to admit it, you’re intuitive. You  _ know _ the answer to that question. That’s the only reason you’re asking it,” Shino grumbled. She pressed a finger to her temple; she definitely felt a headache coming. She’d come to associate those with the other girl.

“Tch, you really are no fun,” Mafumi groaned, “You were so much more fun to piss off when we first met. Now you act so seriously, like you’re the hot shit.” She expressed her disdain in a way that made her sound bothered by the change.

“Because this  _ is  _ serious! I’m pregnant and I don’t know what to do!” Shino blurted out. Had she been less in a state of frenzy, she wouldn’t have said something that made her sound so… vulnerable. She knew that Mafumi preyed on vulnerability. Those weak words were essentially a death wish.

But, for just a split second, Shino could’ve sworn she saw a shred of what looked like sympathy on her face. It was unclear, though.

“Well, you’re  _ gonna _ need someone to walk your helpless ass around… Maybe  _ I _ can be that someone,” Mafumi said, drawing out her voice in a devious manner. She wasn’t even  _ trying _ to sound caring anymore.

“I’m not letting you into my apartment ever again,” Shino refused, shaking her head vehemently.

“I don’t care about your stupid six-mat anymore, idiot. I just want to get out of PE,” Mafumi spat, snarling just a little. She was still bitter about having been kicked out of said apartment, it seemed.

“Spending a whole period alone in a classroom with you sounds horrible.”

“It’s not like we’re going to be interacting! We’ll just both go on our phones or whatever,” Mafumi explained in a voice significantly louder than before. She tossed a tress of hair behind her ear to seem aloof.

“I still need to do assignments  _ during _ the class, you know. It’s just that I shouldn't do anything physically demanding,” Shino clarified. She felt like a strict teacher at that point but she didn’t care. Although she was kind to a fault, she made sure to remind herself that she owed the other girl absolutely  _ nothing. _

“God, you are so boring,” Mafumi scoffed, “Good luck trying to get rid of me, though.” With that, she got up and off of the bench, dusted her long skirt, and sauntered away. That was it? No, Shino was determined to get the last word.

“You’re lucky I’m nice, I could’ve blackmailed you to hell and back by now! You’ve thrown up in my apartment at  _ least _ three times!” she called out as Mafumi’s figure got smaller and smaller. She lifted up in her middle finger in response, but otherwise kept walking. With that, Shino turned around and walked home as well.

The next day at school, though, Mafumi did the unthinkable; she came to class early. Shino herself was punctual so, when she noticed the other girl groggily walk into the classroom only a few minutes after her, she did a double take. Mafumi’s hair was done nicely but she was hunched over in such a way that made it cover her face. She made a beeline to Shino’s desk and grabbed her by the wrist again.

“Come with me,” Mafumi grumbled. She practically dragged her from her seat and, still slouching oddly, took her toward the nurse’s office. As they moved, Shino protested,

“What are you doing? You know class starts soon, right?”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. This’ll only take a second,” Mafumi yawned. She was in front, just barely putting one foot past the other, but the two girls made it in no time. Shino felt a hand shove her into the room from behind. The nurse’s startled face at their entry matched hers, which Mafumi seemed to take as her cue.

“Read the fine print of Asada’s note. Doctor recommended a companion help her with stuff. I’m volunteering myself,” she explained, her head still hanging downward as though she were the girl from  _ The Ring. _

“When did you… So you weren’t just making that up yesterday. Say, why does  _ anybody _ let you near school documents?” Shino whispered from beside her. Mafumi waved a hand in her face.

“They don’t. But you’d be surprised at how easy it is to find them lying around,” she replied. The nurse didn’t seem to catch their conversation and so, before Shino could dissent to anything, an arrangement was made. With that, the oblivious nurse ushered her and Mafumi out into the hallway and sent them back to class.

Shino stared at her feet as they walked back. She knew that Mafumi had no qualms with taking advantage of the compromised but, damn it, she thought that she would’ve taken the hint like she did in December. Shino simply wasn’t at her best, while Mafumi always was. Or so she thought.

“I need to go to the restroom,” Shino said curtly when they were about halfway to the classroom, “You’re my chaperone, are you not?” She turned toward the other girl and smirked. If she was going to be late, which she definitely would be, she was going to drag Mafumi down with her.

“Huh? Couldn’t you have done that before leaving your apartment?”

“I did, but there are currently two oranges pressing down on my bladder,” Shino sighed dramatically. She had to stifle a giggle when she saw Mafumi roll her eyes.

“Fine, I needed to go there anyway,” she grumbled, pushing her hair behind her ears. It was at that moment that Shino realized why Mafumi’s posture had been janky all morning.

“Oh, I don’t think I’ve seen you without makeup since that time I forced my way into _my_ _own bathroom_ while you were in the middle of doing your eyeliner.”

“Shut up, Asada!”

Shino also realized that, friend or foe, she had to admit she and Mafumi knew a lot about each other. Be it how Mafumi looked in the mornings or something more serious like Shino’s current state, they’d ended up sharing a few secrets.

The latter wasn’t secret for long, though. By mid-May, it became clear that Shino was expecting and she became the center of attention at school yet again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An extra long chapter this time for you all as an apology for being away for so long! I had major writer's block writing the end of this chapter, so much so that I started having nightmares about it (my friend in the comments, you know which I mean). However, after a long break, I came back to it refreshed and managed to finish it! Now that that's cleared, I'm going to explain this chapter.  
> I am not. At all. Ever. Going to redeem Endou. I hate her guts. However, this is one of three things I'm writing partially because I, the Sinon stan I am, want to carry out at least a few of Reki's wishes when it comes to her character (even those I may dislike). A reconciliation with Endou is the first of the three. Of course, I am NOT. Going to make them buddy-buddy or anything. But I'm going to do my best to make her and Shino no longer want to snap each others' necks by the time this debacle is done.  
> As always, thank you for reading!


	18. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shino meets a prevalent figure from Kyouji’s past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas, SAO fans, and happy one year being-posted-on-AO3 anniversary to my beloved Through the Wall, Across the Gulf!

As Shino walked through the halls to her next class, she felt the stares of her peers burn into her. She was used to the feeling of all eyes on her but, as of late, people were gawking at one particular part of her body— her pregnant belly.

Shino protectively put a hand over her bump and used the other to scroll through her LINE notifications. It was currently passing period, which meant she had the time to spare. Ignoring the frigid world around her, she sent a reply to the  _ ALO _ group chat.

However, that left her open.

“Hey, watch it!” a boy yelled as his arm crashed into Shino’s. With a small yelp, her grip on her phone came loose and it dropped to the ground with a clack.

“Ah, excuse me, could you pick that up for me?” Shino asked politely. She was pretty sure she could still bend downward but, damn, her ankles were killing her. Trying to pick up the phone herself was the last thing she wanted to do, so she prayed that the boy she’d crashed into was kind enough to help.

“Sure, fine— Wait, you’re that girl,” he began before abruptly cutting himself off to gawk at her. His face scrunched up into something of a mix of disapproval and disgust.

“Don’t pick that up, Imaguchi, you don’t know where she’s been!” the boy’s friends taunted from further down the hall. The boy, presumably named Imaguchi, hesitated. As though he were touching garbage, he grabbed the phone with the tips of his fingers and handed it over. His precision meant that he took a while to pick it up, though, so the screen flickered on. Shino’s lock screen, a picture of her and Kyouji, beamed in the broad daylight.

“Huh?” Imaguchi muttered before quickly tossing back the phone. He wiped his hand on his sweatpants and ran off in a hurry. As she watched him flee, Shino let out a curt sigh and continued walking. She stuck her hands into her skirt pockets.

It was nothing she hadn’t seen before. She’d always gotten picked on, even before the incident.  _ I wonder if I just have a punchable face,  _ she thought to herself. Whether it was for being a quiet kid, a murderer, or a mother-to-be, Shino found herself being bullied.

_ ”Get this, they absolutely  _ hate _ him!” _

Kyouji had been, too. Part of the reason he’d dropped out of high school was to avoid getting picked on by his soccer club teammates. They’d only talked about it once but, from his grim expression, Shino could understand what had happened. She recognized that face from her many times gazing in the mirror.

_ Well, I won’t let them get to me anymore. I stood up to Endou and her friends, so I can stand up to Imaguchi and his. _

Shino made her way back to her classroom and to her desk. She was aware of the scrutiny she was put under upon entering but didn’t care. It was lunch period and she was determined to eat the meal she’d made for herself that morning in peace. She wasn’t just feeding herself, after all.

“Aw man, why’d you guys put your desks together already? You knew I was coming!”

What Shino  _ hadn’t _ realized was that the Imaguchi boy was her classmate. She didn’t bother getting to know her peers to begin with but, because of her pregnancy, she cared even less as of late. That being said, she noticed that Imaguchi was no longer in sweats but rather in uniform. He was probably on a sports team and had come from practice, hence his lateness.

Shino watched like a hawk as he sauntered over to his friends. For a split second, he glanced back at her and made eye contact. He shot a mocking smile and turned to his friends. Slowly, as she bit into sliced up vegetables, she heard the onslaught of whispers begin.

“Imaguchi-kun, didn’t you have a run in with her this morning?”

“Imaguchi, what was it like talking to someone like her? Was it creepy?”

Shino let the sharp comments go in one ear and out the other, though she did sink her teeth into the next bell pepper slice with more aggression than usual. Her loud crunching only half blocked out the snickering. That is, until somebody halted it entirely.

“Hey, fuck off, okay? All of you!”

The classroom instantly fell silent, enough to hear a pin drop. Shino’s eyes widened as she realized who’d yelled. Standing in the center of the room, albeit facing the Imaguchi boy and his friends, was none other than…

“Endou?”

Shino pinched herself to make sure she wasn’t dreaming. Only a few paces ahead of her, Mafumi was chewing out Imaguchi despite not having been present for the earlier incident. She almost seemed to snarl as she went on about… Oh, she was pointing out how lame his snide remarks were. Strange. Once finished, she turned to look at Shino.

“It’s only funny when  _ I  _ pick on you. Seeing you get mauled by other kids just makes me sad,” Mafumi huffed as her hair whipped across her shoulders. She crossed her arms.

_ Oh. So that’s what it was. _

“Are you nuts?” Shino spat, “I’m not your plaything.” She couldn’t believe it. That had to be the most warped reason to stand up for somebody. It made her feel glad that she hadn’t processed the situation in time to feel any gratitude. It wasn’t deserved.

“Didn’t  _ say _ you were, idiot! It’s just, I dunno, it feels  _ weird _ when I see you get made fun of. Like, a hollow feeling in my chest,” Mafumi grumbled, growing more and more perturbed. She frowned as if she didn’t understand her emotions. However, Shino knew exactly what was going on in that shriveled heart.

“That’s guilt, genius. Not like I’m going to forgive you anytime soon,” she explained with a smirk. As soon as the words slipped off her tongue, she felt the glorious excitement in her chest she did whenever she won a match. Finally,  _ finally,  _ she had the upper hand. She relished in her victory.

“What? I’d rather  _ die _ than be forgiven by you!” she shouted. The whole class suddenly turned to look at the two girls. Realizing that she was the center of attention, Mafumi’s face scrunched up into a snarl. She glanced around, gave the floor one good stomp, and then ran off.

_ At least that took the spotlight off of me,  _ Shino thought to herself as she leaned back into her chair. With that, she peacefully finished eating. Mafumi returned fifteen minutes into the next period, though she didn’t notice. Shino had long since flipped the autopilot switch back on, letting her mind coast through the classes, only to turn it off once school let out.

Shino carefully made her way down the stairs and walked over to the lockers in the front of the building.  _ Endou showed so much conviction last month but, now that I  _ do  _ need her help, she’s gone.  _ Sighing, she found her locker and grabbed her shoes.

“Hold up, Asada-san!”

Shino stopped in her tracks. She’d gotten far too familiar with that voice during the past four or so hours. Bracing herself, she dramatically turned on her heel to face him and pushed up her glasses. That intimidation trick always worked.

“Can I help you?”

The boy named Imaguchi was taken off guard, as expected. At least, that’s what Shino inferred when she saw his Adam’s Apple dip down with a hard gulp. She was not at all expecting that it was because of the content of his question.

“Do you, uh, know Shinkawa?” he asked nervously. He awkwardly shoved his hands into his pants pockets. Shino tensed up as well, albeit for a different reason.

“Why… Why do you ask?” she asked, remaining calm and playing dumb. She realized that the Imaguchi boy had probably noticed her lock screen.  _ Kyouji-kun never mentioned a guy named Imaguchi, though,  _ Shino thought to herself before remembering that Kyouji barely talked at all. She’d just have to hear the Imaguchi boy out.

“Well, you see, I’m on the soccer team…”

_ Wow, my intuition’s spot on,  _ was Shino’s first thought.  _ Crap, I think I know exactly where this is going,  _ was her second.

“Shinkawa and I were last year’s rookies. He’s a good player, really, but I guess the older guys liked me better. I was accepted by them in no time, but… they were dicks to Shinkawa,” Imaguchi rehashed. Shino already knew all that but, from the way his fist trembled, she realized he had more to say. “I should’ve helped him, as a fellow first year, but I was so worried about preserving my own reputation that I just joined in with the bullying.”

“I guess that’s kinda the same reason I was pretty judgemental of you earlier. My friends… Er, the people around me do it all the time so I guess I got used to it while trying to fit in,” Imaguchi admitted, turning his memory into a moment of self-reflection. “I’m really sorry, you don’t deserve to get hurt ‘cause of a weak-willed guy like me.” He suddenly bowed down quite low. Shino was taken aback, though she found his honesty to be quite admirable. Better than a certain someone, at least. She almost let her guard down, until he said something that rattled her yet again.

“I want to apologize to Shinkawa, too. Ever since he dropped out, I’ve had no idea where to find him. But you know him, right? Could you tell him I want to talk?” Imaguchi asked desperately, jumping upright again. His expectant eyes bore into her in a way that made her uncomfortable.  _ Shit, how do I get around this? _

“Shinkawa-kun is… away with a relative,” Shino bluffed. It wasn’t a complete lie— Kyouji  _ was _ with his brother, though that was beside the point. Imaguchi grew downcast.

“Oh, I see… Well, could you at least pass along the message for me?” he asked sheepishly. He looked like a kicked puppy, so Shino almost felt bad for trying to make up excuses on the spot. There was no way she was going to talk about the Death Gun incident with someone who might blab, though. He may have apologized, but he still wasn’t trustworthy.

“Sorry, I… can’t, I don’t have a way to,” was all she came up with at that point. Still not a lie, but things weren’t going well either. Imaguchi’s eyes widened in awe.

“Really? From your lock screen, I thought you guys were super close,” he asked, dumbfounded. Shino blushed. Somehow, when a complete stranger said it, she wasn’t used to the implication that she was intimate with Kyouji. Something about being perceived.

“Ah, well, you see, um…” Shino sputtered, her face growing hotter by the second. Oh, how she wished it was winter, for then she could cover her flushed cheeks with her scarf. That or cover Imaguchi’s gaping mouth— Wait, what?

“Hold on… Is the baby his?”

Shino could only laugh, simply out of anxiety, which was enough of a response for Imaguchi. As she watched the gears turn in his head, his eyebrows knitting tensely, she undid the last button of her jacket and rested a hand on top of her bump.

“Wait, did he leave when you told him? Is that why you can’t tell me where he is?” Imaguchi asked quietly. He looked so concerned, which only made Shino feel worse.

“No, he doesn’t even know,” she sighed, “He left, uh, to go stay with family before I got a chance.”

“Ah, yeah… I guess it’s not appropriate to tell him via text,” Imaguchi stammered, rationalizing things all by himself. Shino nearly deadpanned over how gullible he was, though she was glad she didn’t have to explain anything.

“Has he told you when he’s getting back? I assume that’s important for you, too,” Imaguchi badgered her further. By that point, his incessant need to apologize was getting a bit annoying. It made Shino wonder if he wanted to for Kyouji’s sake or if he was just doing it to assuage his own guilt.

“No… I’m afraid I don’t know yet,” she sighed, speaking the truth yet again. She’d checked her email that morning and, as per usual, there was no update from Seijirou on Kyouji’s sentence. She wondered how much longer the trial would drag on for but, at the same time, she didn’t really want to know.

Shino was scared of putting a duration to her time away from Kyouji.  _ It might be half a year but it might be forever,  _ she fretted to herself.  _ For our children’s sake, I hope it’s the former. _ Her eyebrows were knitted so closely that the skin between them wrinkled up. Her worry translated so vividly to her face that even the dense Imaguchi boy understood that she was hurting.

“If you ever need help… Well, it’s the least I can do to make it up to Shinkawa,” he reassured her awkwardly, “I-I meant with homework! Like, if you ever need to call a sick day ‘cause of p-p-pregnancy stuff, I’ll send you the notes.” Shino had to laugh at how badly Imaguchi sputtered when it came to talking about her condition. Since when did the circle of life become embarrassing?

“What if I just want to play hooky, completely unrelated to Shinkawa’s kids draining me of all my energy? Would you still send me those notes?” she teased. He widened his eyes and stood stock still for a moment. Did she break him?

“Yeah, just, well, whatever!” Imaguchi grumbled. He then stuck out his hand. “Give me your phone so we can exchange numbers, for note sending purposes.” Shino stared at his open palm, dumbfounded. His hands were large, calloused on some edges, yet slender.  _ I wonder if, one day, I’ll be able to shake it… That reminds me. _

“Shouldn’t you be worried about where I’ve been?” Shino quipped with a smirk. Using people’s words against them was so fun, especially when it was the supposedly repentant Imaguchi boy getting surprised.

“Sorry, sorry, I already said I didn’t mean it,” he repeated, “I just panicked so, please, just give me your number so I can make it up to you sometime later.” He shook his hand for emphasis and was beginning to look exasperated. So, Shino bit and plopped her phone into his hand.

“Just call yourself from it, I’ll add you to my contacts,” she commanded curtly. The truth was that, even after all his groveling, she was still on the fence about Imaguchi’s personality. If Shino determined that he was just another jock asshole, she wouldn’t bother keeping the number he was typing away.

_ Ring! Ring! _

“Alright, gotcha. My number’s in now,” Imaguchi told her, handing the phone back to her quickly. He then readjusted the sports bag he had slung over his shoulder and said,

“I have to go now, but stay safe!”

And with that he took off, leaving Shino just as bewildered as she was when he‘d first approached. Somehow, he’d prompted her to think about Kyouji’s sentence, the kids, and her trauma all in one conversation. It seemed she had a lot more on her plate than she’d realized. Fear crawled all over her again, only shushed by the sound of uneven footsteps.

Footsteps?

“By the way, I’m Imaguchi Takiya! I don’t think I ever said that but now you know! Don’t forget it!” the Imaguchi boy called out from down the hallway. Though his visage was stony and serious, he waved his arms so carefreely. He was an interesting person, to say the least.

“Wonder if he’ll lose determination or if he’ll really text,” Shino mumbled as she put her hand over her bump again. She wouldn’t know what to respond with if he did, since she didn’t get Imaguchi— no, Takiya in the slightest.  _ I guess I’ll just cross that bridge when I get there,  _ she thought to herself.

As May 31st drew closer, Shino realized that she’d nearly forgotten a major commitment because of that mindset.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for bringing in my funky little OC into the mix, he just kinda popped into my head while I was writing this. Really, I was pacing around my living room muttering scenarios for this fic and suddenly Takiya was born. He’s gone through a lot of changes since then, haha.  
> Speaking of lots of changes, what a year! When I first started writing this, I was ashamed of my interest in Sword Art Online and human physiology. Now I’m more open about these things and have accepted myself as a wannabe DILF, as have the people around me. I’m sure 2020 has been hectic for everyone, so thanks for sticking with me through it.  
> And to my awesome friend: The scene you’ve been waiting for comes next chapter!


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